How important is a good kiss when dating?

[Cherrybake2]

I’m early 30s and dating again after my divorce. I’ve met some nice guys and not so nice. For the ones I’ve liked, if we have went on to have a kiss and I haven’t felt a massive physical/sexual reaction I don’t tend to see them again. My friends say I’m being far too picky with that. But I’ve had many good kisses in my life and have felt a strong sexual connection that way so surely it’s normal to want that? It’s a shame because I might actually think the men are good looking, smart etc but without that I don’t really see us being more than friends?
is that normal? Please only reply if you have experience of dating because I’ve seen before where people reply and they’ve been married 30 years and to be honest I don’t think we’ve had the same experiences

A good first kiss is important to me. I need the sexual chemistry to continue, not wither and die when our mouths make contact.

So important to me. I ended things with a really lovely man after the third date because the kiss was actively bad 😭

You’re not being fussy, OP. Good kissing early on: essential.

So important. I have found that those who can't kiss tend to be bad in bed.
Never slept with a good kisser who was bad in bed.

Hold your nerve, the right one will come along

Really important.

I had a first date recently and called off a second immediately. He slobbered all over my face it was deeply unnatractive.

Very, very important! My DP and I have been together over 2 years and I still get a little flutter when I think of our first kiss.

Massively important to me. If I don't feel anything in a first kiss, I can't imagine taking it further.

This is my experience too.

You aren't being picky
There needs to be a spark or you are wasting your time.
If there's no passion at all there's no point in continuing.

Essential! I read a psychology paper once which concluded the same. There's a reason humans kiss as part of courtship. It's just a huuuge indicator of comparability, or not. (That doesn't mean that you are going to marry every good kisser! You are allowed to use your brain too, but I don't think 999 other good reasons could make me want to marry someone I didn't enjoy kissing.)

I fell madly in love with a guy in my early thirties. But nothing physical happened for around a month (we were work colleagues). When finally we did kiss, it was a huge disappointment. But i ignored and we became a couple. It was a lovely relationship on every level apart from physical, but eventually I ended it, as the lack of physical connection was too much for me.

As much as i have very fond memories of that time, I regret entering into a relationship with someone who I didnt connect with sexually.

Now in my late 40s, I would rather be alone or friends with someone if the connection isn't there. So no way, don't think thats unreasonable at all.

Is this after only meeting once? I don’t think there’s likely to be explosive chemistry immediately, although obviously if it’s dire that’s another story.

Good kissing is essential. Nothing turns me off more than a forceful kisser who literally rams his tongue down my throat.

100% this.

Very important!

If the choices are have a man purely because he is a man, have a man that I really get on with and have sexual chemistry with, or have no man, then I'm only choosing the last two options! Tell your friends to raise their standards!

From my own experience as a man:

I always avoid making a kiss appear too passionate the first time as most may take it as me trying to be overly sexual. During a first sexual encounter , of course I do.

We just cannot get it right can we hahaha

I say do not be too fussy

Very important

Omg so so important. That first kiss tells you a lot imho

I likely kiss on a first date because I want to see if I feel any chemistry in the kiss. If there’s nothing there I wouldn’t see them again unless I clicked so so well that I felt like I potentially would be throwing something good away. If there’s no chemistry the 2nd time then I wouldn’t follow up again. It doesn’t have to be a full on kissing session but I have to feel like I want more etc.

Very important to me.

I think it's best to try kissing more than once before you decide there's no chemistry. It can take more than once to suss out how it works for the two of you. But a compatible kisser is essential long term.

I have been with my dh over 20 years and our first kisses did nothing for me. He was awkward and bit clueless. And if I had not seen past them then I wouldnt have had over 20 wonderful years with a man who does anything for me and is a brilliant father.

If you kiss someone in a lacklustre way they’re not going to get that read, they’ll just assume you’re not interested.

So true