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Original poster

How important is a good kiss when dating?

61 replies

Cherrybake2 · 23/01/2026 12:04

I’m early 30s and dating again after my divorce. I’ve met some nice guys and not so nice. For the ones I’ve liked, if we have went on to have a kiss and I haven’t felt a massive physical/sexual reaction I don’t tend to see them again. My friends say I’m being far too picky with that. But I’ve had many good kisses in my life and have felt a strong sexual connection that way so surely it’s normal to want that? It’s a shame because I might actually think the men are good looking, smart etc but without that I don’t really see us being more than friends?
is that normal? Please only reply if you have experience of dating because I’ve seen before where people reply and they’ve been married 30 years and to be honest I don’t think we’ve had the same experiences

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 23/01/2026 19:22

If it was OK but a bit awkward I'd go in another date. I you felt nothing then move on.

londongroom · 23/01/2026 21:22

ForTipsyFinch · 23/01/2026 19:09

If you kiss someone in a lacklustre way they’re not going to get that read, they’ll just assume you’re not interested.

Show quote history

Trust me - i learned to not be full on all sloppy and passionate by women I actually fancied - i guess men cannot win either way.

You get passionate and they say thats too much
you don't and then you have posts like this

Sodthesystem · 24/01/2026 01:09

Vital for me. As for the "they can learn", fuck that I shouldn't have to teach a grown adult how to kiss.

Original poster
Cherrybake2 · 26/01/2026 12:52

Sodthesystem · 24/01/2026 01:09

Vital for me. As for the "they can learn", fuck that I shouldn't have to teach a grown adult how to kiss.

Yes I agree

OP posts:
LowdermilkPark · 26/01/2026 12:53

Hugely important. Good kissers are good in bed ime. Plus life is too short for bad snogging.

BauhausOfEliott · 26/01/2026 13:23

londongroom · 23/01/2026 21:22

Trust me - i learned to not be full on all sloppy and passionate by women I actually fancied - i guess men cannot win either way.

You get passionate and they say thats too much
you don't and then you have posts like this

Show quote history

I think the mistake you’re making here is assuming that all women are the same. We’re not. You can’t expect all women to like exactly the same things.

It’s not a matter of ‘men can’t win’ - it’s a matter of ‘men need to understand that they will be compatible with some women and not others’. Some women are going to like a good old snog, some aren’t. You win some, you lose some. Deal with it.

For me, it’s not really about kissing technique, it’s just about whether they, as a person, turn me on. If I feel a strong attraction and can’t wait for them to kiss me, chances are I’ll enjoy the kiss regardless.

If I just don’t feel massively attracted to them, they could be the best kisser in the world and I still wouldn’t get much out of it.

londongroom · 26/01/2026 13:39

BauhausOfEliott · 26/01/2026 13:23

I think the mistake you’re making here is assuming that all women are the same. We’re not. You can’t expect all women to like exactly the same things.

It’s not a matter of ‘men can’t win’ - it’s a matter of ‘men need to understand that they will be compatible with some women and not others’. Some women are going to like a good old snog, some aren’t. You win some, you lose some. Deal with it.

For me, it’s not really about kissing technique, it’s just about whether they, as a person, turn me on. If I feel a strong attraction and can’t wait for them to kiss me, chances are I’ll enjoy the kiss regardless.

If I just don’t feel massively attracted to them, they could be the best kisser in the world and I still wouldn’t get much out of it.

Show quote history

Bingo : f I just don’t feel massively attracted to them, they could be the best kisser in the world and I still wouldn’t get much out of it.

I guess that is the main point - I am sure OP would settle on a shitty kisser if she really fancied the person because a kiss is something one can improve on , not everyone like the same technique

Ilovelurchers · 26/01/2026 13:46

Totally agree.

I have dated quite a lot in the last decade or so on and off, and I am the sort of person who is quite happy to have recreational sex (when single) so often sleep with a person I am dating quite early on, second date often, if they seem nice, sane etc.

But there have only been two people where the first kiss was actually properly heart stopping, earth moving type territory - and these were the only two, our of quite a lot of dating, where I have enjoyed the sex that followed enough to let it progress to a proper relationship!

And indeed, I ended up dating one of these two for about four years - we broke up for a bit about 18 months ago but are now seeing each other again and the sexual connection is STILL absolute fire. And the kissing! He and I were discussing this last night funnily enough - every time he comes over, and I look up at him and we kiss, it still feels like the world stops turning for a moment... And my God, I hope we manage to work on the issues in our relationship, which are mostly to do with communication and I hope are solvable - because I am honestly not sure I can live without him.....

So yes, I would absolutely keep dating, keep kissing, until you find the one who makes you want to keep kissing them for the rest of your life!

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 26/01/2026 14:40

Mega important

MrsMcGarry · 26/01/2026 14:50

Hmm. I'm going to disagree slightly. My first kiss with my now husband was incredibly disappointing. Not only did I have to say "are you ever going to kiss me" but when he did my response was "you aren't a chicken. you don't have to peck"

Which sounds so cruel writing it out, but really wasn't at the time I promise. He was just VERY hesitant and scared of overstepping and needed encouragement. By the end of that date he had kissed me so well that my knees literally went weak.

So first kiss doesn't have to be mind-blowing. But if kisses 2 and 3 aren't either, then dump.

PinkArt · 26/01/2026 15:01

londongroom · 23/01/2026 21:22

Trust me - i learned to not be full on all sloppy and passionate by women I actually fancied - i guess men cannot win either way.

You get passionate and they say thats too much
you don't and then you have posts like this

Show quote history

Sloppy and passionate are very much not the same thing when it comes to kissing!

TwistedWonder · 26/01/2026 19:44

londongroom · 23/01/2026 21:22

Trust me - i learned to not be full on all sloppy and passionate by women I actually fancied - i guess men cannot win either way.

You get passionate and they say thats too much
you don't and then you have posts like this

Show quote history

Im with you in that a man being too forward and kissing me like a prelude horses after a couple of dates would have me running a mile.

If much rather a slow burn taking it gently to start with.

WinterOnItsWayOut · 26/01/2026 19:58

I agree with giving it at least 2 or 3 chances but extremely important. Similarly first time sex can be awkward but by 2nd or 3rd time it needs to have properly clicked….

TwistedWonder · 26/01/2026 20:03

TwistedWonder · 26/01/2026 19:44

Im with you in that a man being too forward and kissing me like a prelude horses after a couple of dates would have me running a mile.

If much rather a slow burn taking it gently to start with.

Show quote history

Prelude to sex - no idea where horses came from

Ilovelurchers · 26/01/2026 21:10

londongroom · 23/01/2026 18:38

From my own experience as a man:

I always avoid making a kiss appear too passionate the first time as most may take it as me trying to be overly sexual. During a first sexual encounter , of course I do.

We just cannot get it right can we hahaha

I say do not be too fussy

Edited

I was thinking about this.....

And honestly, I think it would be better to be yourself!

For me, I have no interest in a reserved kisser - I give and desire full on passion! The guy I mentioned (my ex who I am seeing again) - our first kiss was on a bench on a train platform where we were waiting for my train - it progressed pretty quickly and both our hands definitely started to wander a few minutes in - if my train hadn't turned up I hate to think where it would have led! But, without giving away too much personal stuff, the kissing was definitely quite sexual right from the get go. And that's what I like, enjoy and want.

Of course, other women feel differently, and some enjoy more reserved, romantic type kissing.

But surely you should kiss as yourself? I am obviously not suggesting you put your hands on a woman if you aren't sure they are wanted - but it's possible to read the kiss, and the other person's reactions, and go with that.

I think holding yourself back artificially gives the risk of giving the wrong idea of who you are, and hence attracting the wrong type of partner for you?

Really hope that makes sense. And I stress again, I am not saying jump straight in whether or not the woman wants it - but maybe be open to passionate kissing, if the woman signals she is open to it too?

Disturbia81 · 26/01/2026 21:12

VERY important. They have to be a good kisser.

DaisyDukesAuntie · 26/01/2026 21:15

OMG. So important. My first kiss with my current partner…..I swear literal fireworks went off. It was epic. I love kissing and he is very very good at it. We don’t kiss as much these days, years later, but when we do it still gives me stomach flips 😍

londongroom · 27/01/2026 12:43

TwistedWonder · 26/01/2026 19:44

Im with you in that a man being too forward and kissing me like a prelude horses after a couple of dates would have me running a mile.

If much rather a slow burn taking it gently to start with.

Show quote history

especially in this era ; i would never dare be forward of assume someone will like my advances unless they verbally say it

Frauhubert · 29/01/2026 23:08

I had some amazing chemistry and sex with so-so kissers. They improved (under my aid) a lot and eventually I let them roam the world as skilful kissers.
Terrible, slobbery, weird kissers- no
average, awkward & bit clueless- room to improve, don’t write off

MyUnderpants · 29/01/2026 23:22

TwistedWonder · 23/01/2026 15:40

Good kissing is essential. Nothing turns me off more than a forceful kisser who literally rams his tongue down my throat.

Or someone who kisses like a soggy plastic bag. Or an Alsatian.

Belladog1 · 29/01/2026 23:26

Hugely important.

I met my partner online and we got on immediately. About 2 weeks into chatting I was really nervous about that first kiss as it's so important to me. I dont want to be slobbered over, or too much tongue or trying to bite my lip or a matronly peck. It has to be perfect 👌

Luckily it was .... and we've been together almost 2yrs. My knees still go weak when he kisses me. Its like a movie, the hand on the face, pulling me in ..... phew.

TheSpidermanIsHavingMeForDinnerTonight · 30/01/2026 01:30

I remember 2 first kisses. One was my first boyfriend, he held my head in his hands and kissed me and I went weak at the knees. The other is my now DP. I don't remember who kissed who but I remember how passionate it was and how much I fancied him. I've gone off the boil in all of my other relationships over time sexually, but not with him. I still fancy him as much as the day I met him.

LucyLoo1972 · 30/01/2026 04:53

hairyunicorn · 23/01/2026 12:20

So important. I have found that those who can't kiss tend to be bad in bed.
Never slept with a good kisser who was bad in bed.

Hold your nerve, the right one will come along

I have very limited experience but totally agree with this

I ignored that my husband wasn't a good kisser and he turned out ot be bad in bed too

Plasticdreams · 30/01/2026 05:17

I went on a date with a guy who wasn’t my usual type at all but he seemed really interesting so I was curious. I really wasn’t sure about him at first. he was a bit nervous and awkward at times. but we kissed after a few drinks and the chemistry was there, and still is 2.5 years later! It’s funny how it works. I think op is right.

Justmadesourkraut · 30/01/2026 13:38

londongroom · 23/01/2026 18:38

From my own experience as a man:

I always avoid making a kiss appear too passionate the first time as most may take it as me trying to be overly sexual. During a first sexual encounter , of course I do.

We just cannot get it right can we hahaha

I say do not be too fussy

Edited

It's not a case of you can't win. It's just that you can't win them all. IME, you are right, it's a good idea not to be too passionate the first time. You are testing each other out. You can always increase the passion if you are both enjoying it, but you are less likely to splother! However, some women will enjoy a very passionate kiss . . . All you can do is test the waters and see if you enjoy kissing her too. It's a two way process!

For what it's worth. I always find the first car ride a good measure too. I wouldnt be keen on someone who crawled along at 5 miles an hour, but certainly wouldn't date an aggressive driver either. And you get bonus points for asking if I want to drive, rather than assuming I want to be a passenger. All v similar to kissing really. Just be yourself and see if it works . . .

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