Husband no longer working, does nothing all day

[Sickofthis2839]

My husband has finished work on medical grounds. At the time he was very poorly (mentally) but he is much better now . Still has ups and downs but alot of good days.
I returned to work full time after being a sahm, and he has finished work forever. Fine.
But he is not a house husband by any stretch. When I come in from work hes sitting watching tv. Every day. And resentment is building massively.
He will do the dishes and put a load of washing in but thats about it. He will occasionally run the hoover round maybe once a fortnight.
I think what makes me so mad is when I was the one at home, he used to nag me all the time about cleaning and tidying the home alongside having two toddlers and a dog at home (they are now teens and completely independent) and even drew up a cleaning rota for me ! Which promptly went in the bin.
He has been at home for 4 years so far and seems to be getting lazier and lazier. Me and the kids just think of him as a lazy slob .
He has the weekends "off" and the school holidays "off" where he does absolutely nothing at all , but hes hardly doing anything the rest of the time!! Im struggling to keep my cool about this now , and end up making snide remarks and digs .

Honestly? Leave him.

This would absolutely send me around the bend. You need to have a serious conversation with him. Since he's so keen on cleaning rotas 🙄 maybe you tell him to write one for himself.

Either that, or keep on biting your tongue and you will explode and unleash hell one day, and no one could blame you. It might terrify him into action.

He's massively taking the piss, and it needs to stop. He's the other adult in the house, and needs to act like it, and needs to do a bit of actual parenting while he's at it

I returned to work full time after being a sahm, and he has finished work forever. Fine.

Well it's not really fine is it?

He's a lazy and useless waste of space. I'm assuming you don't have sex (because who the hell would find this attractive), he doesn't want to work or contribute to the household, he does no cleaning and sits on his arse all day waiting for you to come in and do everything...

So bluntly, why the fuck are you still with him?

And please do not say the MN cliche that he's a good dad!

Ok, so you make him a rota! Starting with taking the dog out 3 times a day. Also draw up a list of the evening meals he needs to make and it be ready when you get home.
I would be soooooo resentful. I am single last kid 22 here on and off as in last year at uni, I don't mind doing everything and am going round to dd1 after work as she is heavily pregnant and can't bend down, her cleaner cancelled so I am basically going to clean, which I also don't mind but doing it all whilst OH was slobbing all day. No sorry.

Get rid

Jesus
id leave
The audacity of him giving you a cleaning schedule when you were a SAHM and him sitting on his arse is BREATHTAKING
i would genuinely look at divorcing him

Divorce. ASAP. Or at least go see a lawyer and find out how much it’ll cost you to get rid of him.

It is really not good for his mental health being at home doing nothing. Start with a list of jobs which need doing ... daily, weekly, monthly.

Does he have any idea why you’re annoyed at him?
He is royally taking the piss - if he wants to retire then he needs to more than step up. Cover all the house work etc.

I had one once like that.
I'd get home and he'd be festering on the sofa surrounded by plates, bowls and takeaway containers. He'd ask me immediately what was for dinner.
Absolute waste of space and brought me down. So much happier without him.

Do you want to be looking at the same sad little man in 20 years? When the kids are gone?
Get rid now.

Hopefully she won’t ending up funding him to sit on his arse if they separate? I would be up the wall that he’s neither contributing financially, physically or with his care of you the home the dog and the kids.

Is there any point in the marriage?

draw him up a cleaning rota and tell him if he carries on being a lazy slob you will file for divorce.

Would he seriously change if you explained how unfair he's being? My guess is no, because you shouldn't have to say it. I would seriously look to get rid.

Yeah, definitely time to draw him up a cleaning rota. Not so much because you expect him to follow it but to see if he gets the irony.

OP how is your DH funding his medical retirement? Are you paying for everything?

Wow! I'd be furious with him! I also recently retired but do all the household tasks and cooking 5/7 nights as DH still works. I would talk to him and tell him you are not happy and he needs to start pulling his weight. Actually for his own good - because doing nothing will not help him stay fit and healthy. If he doesn't do that I'd assess what he brings to the relationship and whether I wanted to stay with him.

Perhaps he would like a cleaning/cooking rota.

So what’s the point of him being there?
Ducks in a row OP then Ltb.

Maybe talk to him about it. I can never understand why the majority on MN scream divorce over absolutely everything.

There doesn't seem to be a point to the marriage, OPs life is meant to be enhanced and made easier, otherwise, the man is a complete waste of her life.
I assumed she has spoken to him over the four years he's been slobbing around the house. She can't make him function, but does not have to tolerate him.

You could send him the TOM plan, tell him to plan and make dinner and whatever else needs doing but it that sounds exhausting.

What do you want your life to be like?

F that. I’d be making plans to separate. Starting with him living out as he has the time to look for somewhere else to live and the ability/time to organise it. He’s a right CF.

Drop him like a hot potato.

I think everyone is glossing over the fact he has been signed off for medical grounds. Obviously you don't have to go into too much details but how is he impacted? How much realistically can he do each day without exacerbating his condition?