Husband no longer working, does nothing all day

[Sickofthis2839]

My husband has finished work on medical grounds. At the time he was very poorly (mentally) but he is much better now . Still has ups and downs but alot of good days.
I returned to work full time after being a sahm, and he has finished work forever. Fine.
But he is not a house husband by any stretch. When I come in from work hes sitting watching tv. Every day. And resentment is building massively.
He will do the dishes and put a load of washing in but thats about it. He will occasionally run the hoover round maybe once a fortnight.
I think what makes me so mad is when I was the one at home, he used to nag me all the time about cleaning and tidying the home alongside having two toddlers and a dog at home (they are now teens and completely independent) and even drew up a cleaning rota for me ! Which promptly went in the bin.
He has been at home for 4 years so far and seems to be getting lazier and lazier. Me and the kids just think of him as a lazy slob .
He has the weekends "off" and the school holidays "off" where he does absolutely nothing at all , but hes hardly doing anything the rest of the time!! Im struggling to keep my cool about this now , and end up making snide remarks and digs .

Sounds like he needs a rota.

How is he exercising his brain? I'd be worried about dementia etc if he isn't socializing and just sitting watching daytime tv.

I would definitely draw up a chore list. I would also get him doing a refresh of the house (painting/decorating). Maybe suggest he does some cookery courses so he can make decent dinners etc.

It doesn't sound like he's doing much for his body either. If he's sitting around constantly, he's at serious risk of a stroke or heart attack, which could keave you in the position of carer for someone you detest.

I'd bite the bullet financially tbh. I couldn't bear to live like this.

And it might even help HIM to get his life back on track.

has he medically retired and received a pension? Because of that’s the case then that is there to support him or I guess if he is medically unable to work he can claim appropriate benefits?

how old at the children - you say teens? Close to 18?

Do you cook his meals and wash his clothes? If so I’d be stopping that from tomorrow

Lazy wanker probably viewing online porn all day that’s why he doesn’t have time to do anything constructive

I couldn't bear to look at him yet alone live with him (I can't imagine having sex with him either). He is totally and utterly lazy as well disrespectful. If he isn't going to listen and you can't leave yet then you will have to bide your time until the DC are older then leave. I don't think I could come home everyday to a man that has sat on the sofa doing fuck all and living off my wage. No way.

Stop enabling the behaviour and do something about it! Why are you picking up the slack by doing the household chores after working full-time?? Stop being a martyr and make him do it!
Sit him down and spell it out that you are not prepared to continue working full-time to then come home and clean up after him and manage the house as well! If he doesn't start pulling his weight then you will be going your separate ways, simple as that.
Draw him up a fucking cleaning rota too and see how he likes them apples!!!

Is he contributing in any way to the Family finances, either by claiming disability benefits or a pension ? Does he have savings that he squirreled away when you were providing all the childcare, so you as family didn't have to pay for it ?
By providing that childcare did that enable his career, in that he was able to travel for work, attend last minute meetings, didn't have to consider leaving work for sick children or take time off if they were sick ?
Did you also do all the housework/cooking/general housekeeping on top of looking after the children whilst a SAHM ? I bet you did, and he has decided that sitting around doing bugger all is the same as when you did everything except leaving the house to work !

Are you sure that he is still completely unable to do any kind of paid work? You have said that he is much better now. How old is he?

He sounds utterly unbearable. His double standards are unbelievable given that when you were at home looking after the children and doing everything in the home he gave you a cleaning rota!

The problem is you've got these excuses as to why you can't or was not leave but then say you are finding it hard to live with him.

So don't. Bite the bullet - even if he does get more, surely it will be worth it! You won't have to put up with him .

If he was capable of running the house in an effective way, he would be capable of doing a job. A lot of jobs I did as a student were far easier than running a house. Could he not do a low paid, low stress job? Then his money could be used to pay for a cleaner.

Since immediate divorce is risky, you need to play the long game - possibly a 'trial' separation, if you can persuade him to move out 'temporarily' and encourage him back into any kind of work. This would show that he can work and reduce any claims of him being the primary parent.

In the meantime make his life less comfortable at home - if you've a joint account and are paying all the bills from it, then maybe it's time to make him pay his share from his pension and have your wages in your own account.

I only advise the above if he's genuinely just bring a lazy arse and isn't still so mentally unwell that all tasks are completely overwhelming to him.

Sounds like a relatives of mine except the sexes reversed. Her husband pretty much does everything and she barely anything (not quite as bad as your DH but not far off). Her mental health is shite now because she does nothing - she’s almost agoraphobic. I think the more you sit around, the harder it is to get off your arse or go outside.
Your dh seems to have fallen in to this trap. Is there any way he would go for counselling - maybe he needs a neutral person to point out his unreasonable behaviour?