I've been with my partner for many years. There's a lot of negative history with drink, drugs and messaging other women. I will NEVER make excuses for his behaviour, but its such a difficult situation (I appreciate some wouldn't consider it difficult and would have left years ago) because typically he has a nice side, and we share a daughter, so my emotions and what I should do constantly feel all over the place. Without going into all the details of the past, ill focus on the present and give a few examples of why this is so wrong...
Christmas Eve were in the car with our daughter and his sons from previous relationship (young adults) on our way to dinner - he tells me "Shut your f***g mouth" because I misheard him and tried explaining myself. I told him to pull over as I was no longer going for dinner or tolerating him talking to me like that. I walked home and missed out on a family meal and so sat at home alone. No apology. His sons never tell him to watch his mouth either!
Last week, he came home said he had a surprise at 7pm and we were meeting someone. Needed to know if i was getting something for dinner after my dd swimming lesson that evening so asked him, he said "do what you want" - my mind is thinking well if the surprise is we are going for a meal I'm not about to go and get something to eat. Long story short he said me and my daughter had ruined the surprise by asking this and making him tell us what the plan was, that we were both vile by making him give up the surprise. Also confessed were eating out with his dad. He then told me he'd told his dad over text how vile i was. When we sat down to eat that night following all this, his dad made a comment, I said "there's two sides to every story" - my partner tells me to "shut the fuck up" Infront of everyone including our dd.
This morning, I made a funny comment (everything was fine - it was a lighthearted joke) and said he was very negative all the time. He said "hopefully you'll do something about it" meaning leave. Again Infront of my dd - shes 10.
Yesterday at the shop, he also AGAIN in front of my dd said something like "whats left of our relationship" another sarcastic, horrible comment. To also emphasise what he can be like, we are in the supermarket yesterday he throws all my empty shopping bags on the floor at the end of the till, and uses only the only he needed to pack the shopping. My dd looks at me, rolls her eyes and starts picking them up as if to say even she knows that's very strange behaviour!
WTF is my life and this situation!!!
Now I am aware I am trauma bonded, but my biggest concern here is taking my dd from her dad (in terms of living) - I actually own a property myself but don't live there, so my ducks are in a row. We'd be ok in terms of this.
Is there any advice for taking the next steps? I feel sick all the time with anxiety because of being so torn. When things are good they are good but I am so conscious of the impact this can have on my child (me staying in this relationship) she won't cope well. She loves her dad a lot - hes not all bad. I am terrified of being alone and regret because my head will forever torture me with thoughts of all the good.
Oh, when I have said I can't do this in the past - he has been upset and wants me to stay.
Thanks everyone. I'm mentally drained. Leaving feels horrifically scary!