How do I deal with mental health issues in a new relationship?

[Swimful]

I got divorced a few years ago and have had a few short relationships since. I started dating someone new a couple of months ago.
I have struggled to find people I really get along with amongst all the weirdos on dating apps. But we got on well immediately. I took things slowly to try to not get too involved too quickly having been burnt before.
he was very honest with me from the start that he’d had a bad accident several years ago and suffers from chronic pain which gets worse in the winter. Making him quite reclusive and non communicative. So far I’ve seen the happy, chatty version of him up until this week. Where he’s told me he’s struggling and didn’t want to see me. I’ve accepted how he feels and having struggled with chronic pain myself in the past I understand. However, mentally I’ve found it so hard this weekend not to feel rejected. I know he’s seen friends over the weekend so feel like saying, well why not me.
i think I know the answer to this, that this is all about me and how I’m responding and nothing to do with him. I’ve not had an easy time over the last couple of years.
I’m just not sure how I go about dealing with this without saying that this is affecting my own mental health now, so do I just walk away?
maybe I’m not strong enough to deal with this situation when it happens.
and it will continue to happen.
or maybe it’s just the reality is that this is a new relationship and I don’t feel secure yet.
move felt pretty rubbish all weekend and not sure how much I want to continue to feel like this.

Poor bloke. He has chronic pain, he knows how it affects him when it is bad, he has communicated that to the OP.He doesn't want to inflict his unwell and in pain self on her so early in their relationship,which seems a good thing not a fault!
Yet for some posters that makes him the bad guy. He is seeing his old close friends- well,so what? I can think of plenty of situations where I would be good to see my close friends but would hold back from seeing a newer friend.I don't mind if my old friends see me sick/ crying/anything really but that kind of trust and confidence takes a while to develop - doesn't mean it won't come at all if the relationship is right.
This is about how OP is coping and if he is a good kind person going forward it will be about whether their relationship and the OP can cope with him not being in perfect health.

At this stage, no responsibilities on either party.

They can just walk away without a backward glance

Oh I agree

the entire situation is insane

If I was one his his friends, I’d be very concerned about him embarking on a relationship with the Op.

And if I was one of the OP’s friends, I’d also be very concerned about the Op in the state she’s in embarking on any relationship

It would be like a man leaving a new GF because she wont take on all the responsibility of cooking and cleaning.
It's nothing like that!
It would be like a man leaving a new GF who unilaterally decided that she was in charge of the relationship-rules, which included her being able to ghost him if she felt inclined.

How are you feeling about things today op?

For what it’s worth I think there’s been a few harsh comments on here (fragile mental health for one) and that your feelings are quite justified.

Get rid he is lying to u already.! Red flags everywhere.

I didn't say permanent ghosting. I said ghosting when they feel inclined - which is even worse. OP doesn't know where she stands
And she has been told that she is expected to put up with this every winter.

You see to me, a normal person would think that if we are still together in a years time, we will know each other better and I may be able to support him how he needs it.
Why is all the heavy-lifting being put on the OP? What is the boyfriend doing or even offering to do?
So far he seems to have said, "this is how it is, suck it up buttercup."

However, I'm getting a bit fed up of arguing on behalf of an OP who has been MIA for nearly 24 hours.

I would never knowingly enter into a romantic relationship with someone with mental health issues.

I'd be their friend and help them if I could but I wouldn't enter into a 1 to 1 partnership/relationship. The emotional burden is too much.

It's different if it's someone you already were married to or in a serious relationship with before the mental health issues started. However, starting a new relationship with someone who already has known mental health issues is very different and in my opinion unwise.

Yes, I think that’s a perfectly natural ‘normal person’ response.

The people who claim that it’s normal to forge ahead in the hope that eventually, when you’ve managed to make him trust you, in a year or two, you may be able to support him?

Sorry, that’s straight from the school of ‘men are rehabilitation projects and women are patient, selfless nurses and cheerleaders for their recovery.’

No, but it's obviously her decision as to whether she wants to enter into a relationship with someone with significant ongoing MH and physical problems where in future, she would be dealing with the fallout, whether in terms of being part of his support network or dealing with him regularly withdrawing. Him withdrawing now, after only two months of dating, is clearly not working for her, so she should end it and find someone without such serious issues.

Seeing someone in a new relationship or on the way to being a relationship is very different to hanging out with old friends at the weekend. I’ve been seeing someone recently, who I really like. But for various reasons I have very limited time and in recent weeks have been feeling very low mood/energy. The past couple of weekends I could have seen my love interest, in that I did have an evening free. But I just couldn’t summon the energy to get dolled up, travel to see her, etc. I was perfectly happy to go over to my friends 10 mins away for dinner though. Because they are comfortable easy company and we’ve known each other for years and they know I’m a bit down so I don’t feel the need to be “on” for them in the way I would if seeing a date.

Don’t take it personally.

I think you misunderstood @SoIMOmy issue wasn’t with the OPs partner needing space when being in pain. I think it’s completely understandable and normal to want to be around close friends when you’re unwell as opposed to someone you’ve just started dating. My issue is with how the partner communicated his needs by becoming silent and distant. That to me is the red flag. There is a respectful and healthy way of saying I am not well, I need space but being cold/silent/distant isn’t that IMO.

Tend to agree with this , in the early days of a relationship you need to showing the best version of yourself , if you get upset over him being with his own support network- then in his shoes I would be questioning if you are the right person