Seeing DH in new light - not good

[manyriverstocross1]

I’ve been married 30 years, 4Dc. DH has always been a great dad, and as a husband is often kind, very funny and supportive. But recently I’ve come to the realisation that he barely tolerates me. He’ll pick up on things I’ve done wrong (leaving a mess, being clumsy) but seems to fail to take into consideration everything I do (majority of cooking, washing etc). It honestly feels like I’ve had an epiphany. I don’t want to live like this. I’d rather be on my own. From the outside we have it all - amazing house, lovely DC, good careers - but I fear I’m starting to feel resentful of him. I could keep going as we are and grey rock, but that’s no basis for a relationship. I’m also aware that after three decades we’re long past the romantic stage. Anyone been through similar and what did you do?

@manyriverstocross1 First say you want to have a talk with him. Plan in a moment when you are both free without disturbances. Tell him that you think you do alot around the house and ask him if he agrees. Then tell him how you feel when he constantly belittles you- give examples. Then tell him you don't want to continue like this- scare him- he needs a wake up call. Ask him what solutions he has because you're at the end of your tether.

Good luck

I couldn’t live like this. I’ve been with my DH for 24 years and thankfully we have come through every rough patch and fount it made us stronger. He doesn’t just tolerate me, he adores me and tells and shows me so every single day. Just like I do for him.

is couples therapy an option? see if it improves, if not then split?

Do you like him OP? As a person? Because if you don’t you might as well make plans to split. If you do, but he has certain traits you find irritating at the moment, then that’s different.

This
I would suggest that many marriages have similar experiences

Turns out there’s been ongoing marriage issues and they’ve been to marriage counselling in the past, so I think it sounds more like the OP has come to end of her tether.

I am autistic and am fully aware that everyone has their own POV and is entitled to their own feelings and hopes and dreams. Your hubby may just be a dickhead. Sorry OP.

Yes, this. “Aren’t we a team, DH? You’re my husband, not my boss.”

@CharlotteRumpling who on earth are these people in your life who have told you that you are “infuriating”?