I am the other woman?

[KellyR1]

Hi everyone,

I’m seeing a guy, and I noticed that he hid his stories from me. When I checked through a friend, I saw that he posted a romantic story with a woman. He also reached out to me today.

I feel really confused about the situation and the mixed signals.

Has anyone else been in a situation like this? How would you handle it?

While you might not be "the other woman", you are most certainly "one of the women", at the very least.. I am not sure what you mean by mixed signals - it is pretty evident, if you ask me. Romantic stories with another woman that are hidden from you? Is there much mystery there to solve in your opinion? You didn't say, but have you two had a chat about being serious or exclusive with each other? I would ask him whether he is seeing other people too... If the answer is yes, I'd be out - but would appreciate the honesty.. if the answer is no, well, that's a lie..and then I would wish him all the best for future endeavors, and would refuse to be someone's side piece / secret / one of many .

How would you handle it?

Is this a serious question?

Or do you mean how would you handle it after you've spoken to him about it?

No need to be ‘confused’. He’s two-timing one or either of you, or maybe even more than 2 of you. There’s a reason he’s hiding things.

Thank you. I won’t be engaging with him anymore. It really stung, though.

If that woman is on his social media stories as his romantic partner to all his friends and family - that’s his serious girlfriend/wife/partner.

If you’ve just started seeing each other, you’re the OW.

Yes you are the OW. He clearly has a primary partner who he is sharing via social media to friends and family. He’s clearly in a relationship.

I’m not surprised you are stung but have nothing to do with this man, he is an utter predatory creep! You’re better than that!

I feel spiraling with anxiety. I can’t sleep and I can’t eat.

5 days of no contact and I feel that I need a sign he cares. But everything screams he doesn’t.

And I feel trashed by him.

He opened my story but there was no like or reaction this time.

I keep on comparing myself to the other girl. I want to know he cared, he liked me, and that he is not a nice partner to her.

I keep making different scenarios —
Her, new in his life = shiny new trophy, better than me, I lost value.
Her, here the whole time during me = him, shitty partner.

But then there are no signs of him caring at all anymore, so I tell myself only scenario 1 is possible — and then I feel so unwanted, unworthy, and alone.

Stop giving a man power over how you feel about yourself. He is clearly a complete shitheel, so why should anything he does have relevance or significance to you?

Block him or whatever on every medium where you might see anything about him, turn away and walk away with your head high. Chalk this up to experience and be more wary from what you’ve learned in this episode.

Please don’t be anxious, don’t give him that power; all the upsetting feelings you have are on him not you - you’ll never get answers to any of those questions & frankly if they came from him I wouldn’t believe a word he said!
It sounds like he isn’t a particularly nice person (understatement!) and you really don’t need to define your self worth by his behaviour. Go get yourself a much better life without cheats like him in it.

Where are the mixed signals? He’s posted another woman in a romantic way…

He sent a breadcrumb yesterday again, and later he posted a story that I hadn’t opened, but today a mutual friend decided to send it to me. It was a story of them kissing. I asked that mutual to not update me again, but now I feel stung again. This time he didn’t even try to hide it from me, the story. But I tell myself he won’t be a good partner to her because of the way he involved me as well in that situation. He is not sincere, but still I find myself comparing to her.

I understand how it is hurtful. But this man is quite obviously a two-timing price of shit. He could have been with his girlfriend for ages.

That's not the point here. The point is you found out early enough, thank goodness, and it's him who is acting wrong. Not you. Comparing yourself will do no good whatsoever. He isn't comparing you both. He was having his cake and eating it. Maybe too many people know about you and he felt he was sailing too close to the wind. Who knows? But you must see that you're best of our of it.

Respect yourself enough to walk away, who wants to be stuck with a useless lying cheater.
You've had lucky escape.

You need to ditch this loser and work on your self respect and self worth so that if you found yourself in this situation again you would never speak to him again and know that you’re worth more rather than be desperate to know if he likes you.

He’s a scum bag who plays with people’s feelings and sees them as toys.

Is this the same guy you went on a few dates with and ghosted for 3-4 weeks? And in your own words played hot and cold? It sounds like he has just got sick of the mixed signals from you and got on with his life if I’m honest. And now he’s moved on you don’t like that he didn’t pick you.

There is lying, here but no mixed signals.

The reason why he's viewing your story is because he either wants to remain in your head, which he's obviously doing very successfully, or, given that he knows he's been dishonest and not behaved well, he's getting paranoid and is checking your story to make sure you won't out him and his behaviour to your followers.

I’d make sure she knows about you. Yeah I’m a petty bitch.

I mean this kindly OP but you don't sound mentally well enough to be dating anyone.

You're far too vulnerable.

Dating should be fun, not full of woe and tales of unrequited love.

Work on yourself before you consider inviting anyone else into your life.

just send him the picture and block on all channels. I don't get why you are obsessing over this loser who you have been dating for a short time.

He sent a breadcrumb yesterday again, and later he posted a story that I hadn’t opened

Just delete him and anyone else sending you things about him. They don’t have your best interests at heart.

You don’t seem to be reading the comments anyone has written, which are trying to help you. These people DO have your best interests at heart.

And (I mean this very very kindly) how he treats the woman in the video is none of your business. Things that ARE your business include deleting people who are trying to get more drama and trying to make you feel bad, and doing things for yourself to help you.

@KellyR1 I know you feel crap right now, but come on, you've won!

Thank God you haven't wasted another second of your life on this loser. You think the cheat is going to have some unprecedented moral crisis stay faithful forever to her? Please.

Bullet dodged. Have a glass of fizz 🍷

I found out I was the other woman once. I was furious and immediately blocked the pathetic bastard.

Don’t play pick me - not even in your head. No one is worth that.

He’s like gum on your shoe. It’s going to take a while to scrape it off, and you have to be kind to yourself while you do. But that’s all he is.

Yes, but I didn’t plan to play hot and cold with him. It was because his behavior hurt me, and I didn’t plan to engage further with him.
But anyway, after that period, it happened.

And I know I should not have changed my mind. Now I wouldn’t have been suffering. But it happened.

And as I think about it, when I stayed the first night, he got a phone call and I heard it was a female voice, and it was past 11 pm. He did pick up with me in bed, and he quickly brushed her off, only saying he was watching a movie, not mentioning me, and that they would figure out something tomorrow.

That alarmed me, but I didn’t want to ask or seem crazy, so I decided just to check for more signals and that time would always show.

That means he was playing us both. Or a third person. I don’t know anymore.

I just read your thread from a week ago. You both seem to enjoy game playing/messing with each other. Just block him and be single until you get some therapy and learn how to be healthy in a relationship.

It does sting.
Fuck him though.
You deserve better x