I am the other woman?

[KellyR1]

Hi everyone,

I’m seeing a guy, and I noticed that he hid his stories from me. When I checked through a friend, I saw that he posted a romantic story with a woman. He also reached out to me today.

I feel really confused about the situation and the mixed signals.

Has anyone else been in a situation like this? How would you handle it?

Why do you want to be picked by a cheating loser?

Do you want a situationship where you both push pull and he's got a gf and possibly seeing other women? That's a no strings fling and it sounds like you want more. If that's so, you recognize this is not that kind of man, you'll never have a loving relationship with him because he's a cheater. That means he's always going to be looking for an opportunity to meet and date other women. He's not going to pick you, if he does, it's temporary.

Think about what you want. You played games here too. When you figure it out, look for the kind of man who wants the same thing. When you fall for a guy who doesn't want what you want but you try to stuff him into that mold anyway the relationship won't work.

You remember that you’re rejecting him back by finding out and then blocking him. That’s you taking power back off him and saying you don’t want him. Ffs you barely knew him and he’s a cheat… move on, get over it and have some perspective in life. He’s pathetic and his opinions are worthless.

Thank you! 🥺

Your mindset is that he was so worthy and that you’ve missed out on some Prince Charming. He’s an idiot.

View yourself in such high regards that any man who doesn’t treat you as if you could walk on water isn’t worth your time and that you’ve lost absolutely nothing.

Let him get on with his life making poor choice and you do you and keep winning and progressing.

He's a two-timing piece of shit, not Prince Charming.

curious, why were you so keen on checking his stories that you had to check via someone else's phone

Is he though? They went on a few dates- didn’t commit to each other and she often ghosted him… and now only wants him back when he’s with someone else…? They weren’t in a relationship, I can’t see what he’s done wrong. @KellyR1 you need to seek help for your anxiety and your anxious attachment style otherwise you’ll keep repeating this cycle. Attachment styles aren’t fixed they can change, you don’t need to live in the fight or flight mentality- its exhausting.

I would say it depends how long ago this was and to whom. I do admit that hiding things for the partner is a really bad sign of romance.

Because I wanted to know what he was so keen to hide, and I’m glad I did, because I would probably still be engaging.

I had a weak moment and checked his stories yesterday. He shared a reel mentioning ‘I’m single.’ I guess he’s just playing around. He also posted with another girl — not the one he hid from me.

The only person hurting you now is you. You are making choices to seek out information and wallow in the emotional upset it causes you. So you are getting a perverse kick out of him treating you poorly.

The simple solution has been available to you all along. Why is your self esteem so low that you haven’t taken it? You need to explore that with a therapist. Your behaviour at the moment is that of a love lorn early teen, not a grown woman.

@KellyR1 yea but if he’s not committed to these women then he is single- you don’t know the dynamics they have maybe they see themselves as single too. This is besides the point you do know that that’s not the dynamic you want. Making him the bad guy isn’t going to help. Chalk is up to misaligned wants and move on with your life. It’s not rejection of you.

At a very basic leve, you could choose to be practical about it. Is every man you've ever met for you? No. You're not for everyone. That is very normal and absolutley OK. Dating is about gettting to know each other, and mutually deciding that you'd like to keep spending time together, because it feels good and positive, until one of you does not.

What is going on here, is not that. It is mind games and manipulation, exploiting weakness and witholding information. Why do you want to be "chosen" by that? I would get curious about why you are so desperate to be wanted by someone who can't offer you a bare minimum basic level of respect, and start there.

Thank you all!
I’ve decided that 3–4 months was enough of a waste of my time, and I shouldn’t spend any more time feeling sad over him. He had enough.
I still have weak moments sometimes, but I understand that he just triggered old wounds.

Very very few people have not had to deal with rejection at some stage in their life.
You accept it made you feel bad. You dont try and understand or rationalise their decision. That is their choice, the reasons are their reasons. You fill your life with positive activities and people who make you feel good. You dont ever give someone a 2nd go if they rejected you. Move on not backwards. Yoy dont try and look for indicators they might change their mind. In fact you dont look for anything as you block them and dont ever look at anything they post or say.

My sister was the other woman for 5 years and never even realised! Honestly, get out whilst you can.

let's be real here, you are only hurting yourself here so i suggest you stop with this excuse of being curious.