I am the other woman?

[KellyR1]

Hi everyone,

I’m seeing a guy, and I noticed that he hid his stories from me. When I checked through a friend, I saw that he posted a romantic story with a woman. He also reached out to me today.

I feel really confused about the situation and the mixed signals.

Has anyone else been in a situation like this? How would you handle it?

OP, I went one step further and read all 4 of your threads. Take this poster’s advice, ”Just block him and be single until you get some therapy and learn how to be healthy in a relationship”.

You don’t sound like you’re in a good place to be dealing with these men and I think some time just to focus on yourself will be beneficial for you.

How are you doing today @KellyR1 ? It’s going to feel rough before you get your head straightened out.

Having read your last update it would be advisable to get an sti check.

Just read the other threads and I echo this.

OP you sound far too vulnerable to be dating and you’re stumbling from one car crash to the next all the while with your head spinning.

Don’t do this to yourself. A man isn’t compulsory and while your setting your bar so low you’ll be a magnet for every lying cheating abusive twat put there.

Thank you! It’s day 8 of no contact from my side. He still breadcrumbs me; I just don’t reply, and the nights are the hardest. But at least my day is better — it’s not fully occupied by thoughts of him anymore.

And should I test? I tested right before meeting him, and with him I only had protected sex.

Why are you allowing messages from him still to reach you? Cut him off! And yes, get tested, herpes for instance is passed skin to skin, not in semen.

Block and move on OP. I suggest you take a break from social media too. A lot of your posts revolve around “stories”.

Men like this are really not worth damaging your mental health over.

If you are happy with being Sunday Girl as that’s all you’ll ever be.

From your previous posts, you aren’t exclusive and have a tendency to mess him around. It’s quite possible he isn’t exclusive with anyone and is seeing where things go with another woman (or maybe a few others).

My mantra has always been "never prioritise someone who only sees you as an option".
It works well actually

And as I think about it, when I stayed the first night, he got a phone call and I heard it was a female voice, and it was past 11 pm. He did pick up with me in bed, and he quickly brushed her off, only saying he was watching a movie, not mentioning me, and that they would figure out something tomorrow.

Oh boy! You seem to have a skewed view of relationships and what a healthy one is like. A huge part of a healthy relationship is frank and timely communication. You don't seem to do that (I read your previous thread too.) Do yourself a massive favour and put him out of your mind completely. Get yourself some counselling or read some books to get a better idea of how you can have successful relationships in the future.

Sounds like you were not that into him at start, but over time you liked him more than you realised. He may have realised from the start and kept his options open.

Any pain you feel now will go with time and would suggest you learn from this experience - next time you like someone - make sure they know how you feel - and you will know where you stand.

I think if you have to wonder, you know the answer.

I don’t see any mixed signals though, posting romantic stories with someone else is very clear. I’m sorry.

@KellyR1 8 days is fantastic. Koko

Have you a therapist op ? You got so anxious and you barely know him. I hope you're ok xx

@KellyR1 from your other thread no you’re not the other woman because you’ve only been on 6 dates and you don’t give him anything back so he probably assumed you didn’t care? This isn’t your fault maybe just a mismatch in communication styles or expectations. Don’t compare yourself to the other girl, that’s not helpful. You weren’t together he hasn’t really done anything wrong and neither have you. It’s just one of those things.

Thank you, guys.
We’ve known each other for years and we live really close to each other, so it would be hard to just block him.
But I realize it’s not a good situation, and as hard as it is, there’s nothing else I can do but continue to stay away.
Lately, he’s been asking why I haven’t been replying to him.

De centre this arsehole from your life
block him and walk away and work on building yourself back up with the energy you’re giving to him.

It’s not ‘really hard’ to block someone if you want to - it seems you don’t actually want him to stop being able to contact you

You've got choices here. You can keep putting yourself in a position where he can "breadcrumb" you, and ask you why you're not replying to him, and farming the drama. If you do this you will get more of the same. At some point he will get you in a weak moment at booty call o'clock and tell you everything your ragged self esteem wants to hear, and you will fall for it. Men who will behave like this are not in shortage, and they can scan a room for a woman who's likely to fall for their shit.

Or you can decide you'd like things to be different for you. Block him, and I mean block him, so he cannot contact you, breadcrumb you, like you, whatever. On all platforms. Then choose to get yourself together so that the next man you decide to spend time with will be an addition to your life, and I mean an addition, a bonus, a nice to have, who brings positive outcomes to your world.

You need to spend this year researching self esteem, and boundaries, and put what you discover into practice.

Moping at midnight over some dusty loser who feels that that several women should all be desperate for his bare minimum is not the way to your happiness.

I mean, it can't be that hard to block him? You're not close enough to his life to know he has another woman/women in it. You're clearly not moving in the same circles.

I’m starting to think that the reason you won’t block him and forget him is that you’re actually enjoying the drama of all this now, so I’m out.

Ok go get help because these are unnecessary and harmful thoughts. Totally unnecessary to spend time ruminating on him and hos thoughts.

I agree. If she wanted to she would

How do you deal with rejection, and with someone else being chosen over you?

You just have to accept that the other person doesn’t want you, and turn away and carry on with your own life. Some relationships don’t work out, and that is fine and normal.

If he was a good person who deserved your loyalty, he would have been loyal to you, instead of lying to you and cheating with someone else. Why would you lament the fact that a lying cheat doesn’t want to be with you? Have some self respect.