Dating a man with 3 children…

[Sunshineismyhappy]

So… went for a coffee with someone I’ve known for years… was never any attraction before, however years on we bumped into each other and I genuinely do quite fancy him now !

he asked me out for a coffee which I’ve yet been too ( might go )
the only thing is he’s got 3 children. I’ve got none. Although it’s not a problem to me Im worrying what my family will think ? We all live in the same village ! So everyone knows everyone.. thoughts please.

Do you want children in your life? If not, then don't go on the date.

Without knowing more details (ages/where they live/what happened with the Mum/your age and situation) it's impossible to advise.

But my initial instinct is no.

You don't give enough info to be able to comment OP.
Depends so much on the age of his children, when his relationship with their mother/s ended, his arrangements for caring for them etc etc . And very importantly whether you are looking for a serious relationship or just something casual.

I'd be wary. He's likely looking for a nanny.

Are the all from the same woman? How old are they roughly?
why did he split with the mother? These things will make a big difference

Ages? 3 adult children are very different from primary aged or teens.

If he's still in the thick of child rearing I would not date him.

I would want to know:
How old are his children?
Is he a good father?
How often does he see his children and does he pay for them?
Why did the relationship breakup with his wife?

I wouldn’t be concerned with what your family think, but I just wouldn’t go there.

Are you keen on having other people's kids in your life? I would never ever be a stepmom because I could only endure my own kids, and sometimes not even them! Living with other people's kids and always coming second to them is really tough.

No thank you.

Do you want children of your own?

Are you a sucker for punishment?

How old are you? Do you want children in future?

@ZenNudist

his children are 17, 16 and 10 !

I wouldn't entertain a relationship with anyone that had dependant aged children.

It's odd that's your first thought is what your family will think! How old are you? Why does it matter what they think? It's what you think that matters!

What’s the age gap between the two of you?

I'm childfree and I don't date men with children.

Either they're a brilliant dad and they spend loads of time with the kids and they'll leave at a drop of the hat to sort out one of the kids needs. So I'll always be second priority.

Or they're a shit dad and I don't respect them. It's lose lose.

I'm not sure what your family thinks is relevant at all. My family don't even tell me what they think about my choices and whatever happens in the privacy of their own head is their business.
Child free and currently dating a very involved dad of four kids. Love the little monkeys but we agreed right away that I am there as an extra loving person and not a mother i.e. I bare no financial responsibility for the kids and I only do practical things for them of my own volition. Nothing is expected or asked of me.

Not just a chance he likes op , and he is entitled to an adult relationship even though he has children ?

Of course there is a chance, but most posts on MN by stepmums complain that they are doing all the work for stepkids. Both physical and emotional labour. And always last priority. My own friends who have married men with kids say the same. They start by saying " I wont be doing any of the work" and then end up being coaxed into doing all the work.

I think women should be wary of this.

I wouldn't date a man with dependent children.
If he's a good man, he'll always put his children's needs above you.
If he's a shit man, he'll put his relationship with you above his kids.
Either way, you lose.

I don’t think it matters what anyone else thinks. It’s what you want that’s important.
If you like him and think it could go somewhere, you have to be realistic about the challenges of being a step parent. But if it were me, personally I’d just go and have the coffee and take it one step at a time.

I was going to say this too. As a single mum am I also not allowed to date? The responses on here are mind blowing sometimes.

OP are you very young? Caring what your family think is strange unless you know the mother of the kids or are related to her or something.

Of course you can. People are allowed not to date you though. Would you prefer people think about the implications of being a stepparent, or just rush in and regret it later?