Fair arrangement - new partner and financials

[pancakesallday]

Hello. My partner and I are planning to live together in the future. I have kids with my ex husband who live with me full time. His kids are adults.

He would let his (mortgaged) property and move into my house. He has suggested he pays all household bills (this possibly wouldn’t include groceries, I think we should share this cost). I bought the house outright and don’t have a mortgage.

Would you say this sounds fair?

I don’t want to add too many details but please ask any relevant questions.

He’s paying the right things, he’s paying the bills for the house and for kids that aren’t his and half the food bill. Why should he pay rent when it’s paid off. There is no mortgage or rent to be paid. Honestly some people are so cheeky on these posts. If you want him to pay rent then half your bills instead and let him pay half bills and half rent otherwise you’re a money grabber .!

Or how about not moving an unrelated male into your teenage children's house? What's so urgent that you can't wait until they've left?

Seriously, What's in it for you, and for the children?

There has to be a fair arrangement so that you are not just subsidising his savings via renting out his own home.

We would like to live as a family. The youngest is 7. There’s at least another 10 years where they could have a male figure in their lives. Their dad isn’t around.

A loving partner, a father figure, a family again after years of struggling and heartbreak? Not sitting on the sofa alone for the rest of my days?

In this situation, I think splitting the bills and food shopping and general family things like days out 50/50 is pretty fair.

Neither of you need to pay housing costs. You’re both benefiting by sharing household costs as it would cost more to pay electric and food shopping and internet separately for two households. Yes, you have children, so two (or more?) extra mouths to feed, using hot water, etc but their cost is probably offset by his proportionately larger income.

I mean, you could work out how much extra your dc cost and they deduct that from his proportionately higher contribution due to being a higher earner, but I couldn’t be doing with splitting pennies like that and worrying if my kids ate more bananas this month than him or took a longer shower.

Only thing I’d insist on keeping separate is household repair or improvement costs, buildings insurance, etc. As I’m sure he will also do for his property.

Your children and you are already a family.

I would seriously consider going to a Solicitor and getting a cohabitation agreement drawn up before he moves into your home. This will save you a lot of hassle in the long run if the relationship was to end. Also you need to protect your children's interests further in terms of additionally making a will.

How long have you been dating? At what point after meeting did you introduce him to your DCs?

How old were your DCs when your marriage broke down and why don’t they have contact with their DF? What did they each experience of the family breakdown and how are each now dealing with not seeing their DF? Are they connected to his extended family?

Why did the relationship with the mother of your partners children end and how old were they? What is his relationship history before meeting you?

So how much is his mortgage?
he moves in with you he saves £1000 on mortgage and the rent more than covers his mortgage. He also saves £250 on council tax £200 per months on bills so he gains £1450 income wise?

how does that benefit you?

your bills go up and even if he pays half of them and half of groceries he has then gained £1450 and gained someone paying 1/2 his groceries

that’s shit deal for you and great for him

be careful very careful

insurance Netflix
green Bin
all adds up

even If he pays for all of food shopping and all of bills he is still much much better off !!!

Let’s say his mortgage is £1000 and his bills are £1000
Lets say your bills are £1000

can you not see that even if he covers ALL your bills he is £1000 a month better off???
you would be £1000 better off - he is paying your bills, he is getting someone in to cover his mortgage because he is living with you

No get him to set up a standing order of £1K and write Rent / Lodging or gift next to it.

have you thought what might happen if he loses his job? Etc

I would also make sure there was paper trail and have by text or whatever that he understood there was no claim on my house

He's offered to cover all the bills. Which means paying for the OP and her 3 kids. Oh and if he pays for 50% of the groceries then no, he hasn't gained someone paying for 50% of his groceries because 50% for 5 people will be far more than 100% for 1 person. So many people on this thread are just financially illiterate.

The guy is also taking on a significant risk renting out his property. Posters have talked about the upside of having his mortgage covered and how he shouldn't see all the benefit of that and should share it with the OP. Nobody has suggested about the OP subsequently then sharing the risk e.g. tenants stop paying rent, tenants trash the place, tenants refuse to leave and there's a long drawn out legal process.

Well the OP for one....

Interesting how some posters feel strongly that he shouldn’t benefit from the OP being mortgage free but feel she should benefit from his larger salary.

So he would pay all the bills and you would have no bills?

And you'll go 50/50 on the shopping?

So you pay nothing?

It seems a bit odd, am I missing something really obvious?

He would have no rent or mortgage?

Thank you, I feel this is a balanced view!

But surely we’re both better off!

Even if partner did only pay half then OP is still better off financially because OP is also only having to pay half of what they would normally

I’m only going to do it if he continue to enhance our lives in the next year or so.

Do you also enhance his life or plan to?

My DC’s dad developed a lot of issues and he’s no longer allowed to see them. The kids were early primary when it happened. We still see that side of the family. They all worked their way through the family breakdown in different ways and seem happy with the company of my new partner.

New partner was with ex wife for nearly 2 decades. They split up when the kids were teenagers, a few years ago. Simply grew apart. They’re still amicable. They divided assets without solicitors and both behaved like decent people. He has since had a few relationships, none of which led to cohabiting.

Well you would have to ask him! But yes, we’re good together, he enjoys family time with me and the kids, we help each other out, I can see us growing old together. Just because my first marriage didn’t work out, it doesn’t mean I should give up…

No one is saying you should give up. You just mention you’re only going to go ahead with it if he continues to enhance your lives so just wondered if that was a two way street. Financially and emotionally. It appears like you have far more to gain than him by him moving in with you