To give him a piece of my mind?

[DysonDyson]

My ex hasn’t seen our spoken to our children in over 2 years. I’ve heard from him sporadically in that time but he hasn’t seen or spoken to them. We last spoke in march when he contacted on their birthdays asking how they were. He didn’t respond to my last email and thats the last I’ve heard. (Nothing at Xmas) im really angry that he gets to swan off with no responsibilities as if they don’t even exist. He pays no maintenance (well £7 a week if im “lucky”) he gets to start a new life, go on holidays, date, work whenever he wants (suspect cash in hand). Meanwhile my life feels basically over. I never get a break, im exhausted and depressed. I feel like emailing him giving him a piece of my mind, even if he doesn’t reply I think it would make me feel better. Why should he get away never being called out on his bad behaviour? What do you think? One email telling him how awful he is, I probably won’t read any response if does even respond.

Did you read the part where I said they are disabled and will be a carer for them for the rest of their lives?

I won’t read it but at least he will know the devastation he has caused. Unlike another posted he might think we are all grateful that he has f*ed off?

I agree with you OP write a factual account of his abandonment of his children his lack of support for you the mother of his children, how upset the children arr sometimes because they do not have a loving father etc etc etc eithout resorting to any abusive vomments alrhough I undetstand you might like to add some. Post it to him. There are many assumptions about his reaction from MNetters on here but who knows how he will respond. I personally know a family from work where Dad did not contact his 2 children nor support them financially for many years. His 14 year old daughter spent ages composing a text message where she explained how hurt she was by this and asking him how he could just dismiss her like that I nearly cried reading it. She sent it to him which took a lot of courage and he did respond initially making excuses for his behaviour but has now apologised has contact with his daughters again and taken them out bought them clothes etc etc so you never know how a text or similar will impact on him. Wish you well.

If he "doesn't have money" to feed HIS child then he's going to have to get a bloody job. It might absolutely 'devastate him' but that's what happens when you bring a baby to this world: you got to feed him and buy nappies, and this is probably what a judge would say if you take this deadbeat dad to court. If you do nothing then he's going to continue squirreling cash under his mattress while leaving all financial responsability to you.

I suspect he won't answer and you'll feel worse. What I find therapeutic is writing "unsent" letters. So you write (i think physically writing makes it better) down your letter to whoever it is, emotionally abuse ex, selfish co-worker, miserable family member, telling them exactly what you think of them. It gets it out and allows you to vent but in a safe way. You don't get any abuse/argument/ excuses back.

Don’t validate this prick’s oxygen thieving existence

You can’t take someone to court for more maintenance not in the uk anyway? Child maintenance has assessed him as only needing to pay £7 a week. There’s nothing I can do to argue that. Thats all he needs to pay.

Sorry but this makes little sense, is this man supporting himself with 15 pounds a week that he can only give 7 pounds in child support? No way!

£7 is the amount they have to pay if they are on benefits and don’t have a job.

Sadly, this is true. A friend of mine has 3 children and their dad is on benefits (and doing dodgy cash in hand jobs) and he pays (when he can be arsed) £7 a week for 3 children. Its absolutely disgusting.

Thank you, Yep it’s £7 and courts don’t deal with child maintenance so there’s nothing to go to court for. The maintenance isn’t the worst bit for me though it’s his lack of interest with his children. Money doesn’t make up for that.

Writing things down actually often really helps manage the emotions, even if you burn it /delete it/ never send it. So do write it down. You sound like it’s very hard- does he have parents who might help if you searched them up do you think? What are the chances he would turn up for an afternoon and look after them if you asked him to? (Even if it kills you to be nice to him)

He hasn’t seen them in 2 years so I’m not going to ask him to visit them. He’s practically a stranger I doubt my youngest even remembers him. His parents have passed away (I never met them)

It makes every sense if you know the rules around child maintenance

I‘m team “give it to him ten bells”
He won’t change; also he won’t change if you don’t send it either but it’ll make you feel a lot better so you’ve nothing to lose.

What do you mean 'shes not the judge and juror'? He is living his life wrong if he is not paying towards his children or showing an interest. That's a matter of fact, not opinion.