Online dating and avoiding men after one thing?

[Hypnotic]

I want to start dating soon after a long spell of being single, but how do you avoid men that are just after sex?! I know the obvious ones like men who bring it up straight away, but what I hear from women is this is all men want nowadays. It will be online dating as I don’t get out much socially so will have no choice. I’ve heard of women meeting men them being absolutely lovely no mention of sex then they sleep with them and bam ghosted straight after. I plan to wait as long as possible to sleep with someone to at least rule some of them out. But is it really that hard finding someone that wants a relationship?

I think a huge part is how you set up your profile too. Any vaguely suggestive photos and you'll get more guys looking for just sex. How long are you planning on waiting to progress the relationship though? Because I would feel like someone wasn't interested if they didn't show a sexual interest within a couple of dates and probably sack it off as a friend zoning.

I'm not in the UK, apologies. If I knew someone good, I would let you know.

3 months

But why wait absolutely ages to sleep with someone by which time you're madly in love or whatever and then you find out you're incompatible.

It's something you should be able to talk about without much worry too.

Obviously you might have religious considerations but saying "men are all after one thing" smacks a bit of not really treating men like individuals.

This is what I’ve read online, most women are saying the same thing, im on a lot of dating groups and they are all saying men are only after one thing online (may be slightly better in real life)

In all honesty with that timeline I'd say you'll either get a religious nutter or someone else a bit peculiar who is unable to make life decisions or know what they want from their future.

(and for what it's worth, I met my husband of eight years on tinder. Happily married and with two kids. Liking and wanting sex doesn't mean that's all men - or women - want)

Im talking about men looking for ONS and using old as a free escort service 🫣 and will ghost you as soon as you sleep with them.

Then just look out for them asking for pictures and your preferences before you've met them. Once you meet them a couple of times and sleep with them it will either go somewhere or it will peeter out if you aren't compatible (in life/bed/politically). I think the guys who do just want one shag are pretty upfront - no point them not being.

Please end your relationship and reach out to someone for counselling (though I appreciate its expensive and not always affordable). The relationship isn’t worth the emotional toll on your mental health.

I would pay to join a higher end dating agency where they connect with clients and organise the matchmaking, pretty much do all the hard work and find your match.

I feel it would be worth the money.

Don’t give up. I met my DH online in the heyday of online dating. DH admitted he thought maybe we would have an intimate relationship early on and nope, he waited 6 months. We are now together/married 20 years.

I think most adults would want sex before 3 months if they feel an attraction to the other party. I also think setting an arbitrary timeline is silly. Have sex when you want to based on how you feel about the person you are with. Waiting three months guarantees nothing.

Did I say it does? I said It would rule out some, I prefer to wait anyway.

Thanks I will look into that.

@Hypnotic but how do you avoid men that are just after sex?!

Why does this need to be avoided? If you have sex with them and they ghost you, then you can move on to the next date. If you keep doing that, then inevitably, you will find someone who sticks around, right?

@Ikeameatballs I think most adults would want sex before 3 months if they feel an attraction to the other party.

Seems a bit fast. I don't know anyone who would have jumped into a sexual relationship that quickly. But to each their own.

Make sure your first few dates are actual dates not - not come to mine instead of going out.

The ones just after sex do reveal themselves fairly quickly. Unfortunately there’s a lot of men who pretend they want a relationship just to get a shag.

Yikes, I don’t like sleeping around thanks

I like to wine and dine and get to know all about who I might spend rest of my life with reply if this is you??

@DrSpongey brother, everything you need is already within yourself. Forgive yourself. Nobody is coming to save us.

The good news is nobody is coming to stop us either.

Your relationship with women sounds like a source of pain and upset. But women are a mirror. Forgive yourself, and forget about women or love being a solution to your problems. They’re not.

You get your shit together and create value within yourself. Life gives you what you’re being, not what you want.

I would say most men are after sex they just go about it in different ways. I would forget about the sex and concentrate on the dating. If you’re not feeling it dont see them again. If you connect with someone and it’s going well you will know. Always think about your gut feeling and how comfortable you are with that person. I saw it as a fun way to make friends nothing more. I met my dp through an app but I knew he was a good egg and we are nearly 2 years in. I didn’t wait long for sex but I knew he was decent.

It's a difficult one, a lot of people put "no pen pals" in their profile. Not sure whether that is a codeword for wanting to meet up quickly and have sex.

So I think it depends on how much time you think you should be messaging before meeting up in person. The men after sex are likely to want to bring it up very quickly.

The no pen pals thing means that they don’t want just a text relationship and want to meet up. (It’s amazing how many people don’t actually want to meet up, but I suspect the majority are married and have an ulterior motive).

I would say waiting at least 3 months is pretty normal, unless you’re someone who just likes sleeping around.

@Hypnoticwhen I met DP I suspected that he was just after sex, so he had to wait months! We’re still together years later and he is the loveliest man. Ignore people who tell you that guys will lose interest if you don’t immediately drop your knickers. If he genuinely likes you he won’t.

Thank you, yeah I didn’t think it was anything outrageous if a man isn’t prepared to wait then he isn’t for me anyway.