That's it really, He left.
After a few years of constantly threatening to leave me, Me playing into it begging him to stay. Apologizing for anything and everything to convince him to stay. Putting up with so much of what I now know is emotional abuse (I was put in touch with Women's Aid) I constantly questioned if I was a horrible person that deserved everything. I said to him the next time you verbally abuse me will be the last time, And it was. The problem here is that in turn I became verbally abusive, I said horrible unforgivable things, Because I didn't want him to forgive me, I wanted him to leave.
We would have a disagreement, I would get the silent treatment for up to a few weeks - He would then finally talk to me and make me guess what I had done wrong, And I would, I would wrack my brain and try and think of things that might have upset him and he would agree with every one and then say nope keep guessing, It used to go on for hours.
He would take my mode of transportation away from me at the drop of a hat (Rural)
Refuse to contribute financially because I didn't deserve it.
Shine lights in my face to prevent me from sleeping.
Shout at me and intimidate me but then say it's not like I'm hitting you
He would sent me pages and pages of messages listing my faults and how I was responsible for the relationship failing.
He would tell me constantly that I needed to go to the doctors because I was mentally unwell and needed help because it was impacting our relationship.
He became sexually abusive recently (Not R. But very unwanted touching etc and then anger when I asked him not to) and I think that was the final straw for me, I'm not sure why this pushed me over the edge but I think I can pinpoint it to that.
I haven't stopped shaking since yesterday afternoon, Feel sick and worried, He took our car which leaves me a bit screwed. But apart from that which I think I have sorted I definitely feel lighter and relieved.
I don't know what the point in this post is really, But it's over and he's gone. I don't know how to move on, I don't know how to forgive myself for the things I have said. Awful horrible vitoral. I became him in that moment yesterday and I scared myself. I can't ever go back.
The house is mine and he doesn't have and can't copy keys, All of the bills etc are in my name so we are now completely separate.