OH tried to stuff bagged dog poo down my neck

[ParsleyTheHorse]

I don't know what I want from this really, I think I just need to connect with some other humans over this incident, even if it's only through a screen, because it has shocked me. I'm already training my waterfowl to get in formation.

OH and I are taking the dog for a walk round the village. I have the dog's lead. The dog has a poo. OH goes to pick it up, but the dog starts back kicking so grass and soil is flying (not the poo). I laugh and OH asks me to drag the dog on which I don't immediately do, because the dog looks funny. OH has stepped back and is not hit by any flying grass or soil.

I pull the dog away and OH picks up the poo and looks annoyed as he then approaches me and says "So this is funny too is it?" and lobs the poo bag at me at waist height. It's a gentle lob and I easily side step it and say "Yes" and I'm still smiling as I walk forward, so he then has to go and retrieve his missile. Next thing I know, he's grabbed me by the neck hole in my coat and is trying to stuff the bag of dog poo down inside my coat. He's not playing, he's annoyed. I manage to twist away and say "You always have to go too far don't you?" and he smiles and says he feels vindicated now. I'm not sure if he meant validated, he often uses the wrong words.

He hasn't overtly grabbed me in this way before, often he hurts me covertly by accidentally on purpose whacking me with trollies in supermarkets and garden centres for example (I think its deliberate because he never says sorry, even when he's really hurt me and he never whacks anyone else despite these places being packed with people). So, I'm shocked by what happened today, despite the decades of emotional abuse, controlling manipulative behaviour etc etc. I wonder if this is abusive behaviour escalating in the typical way it does when a woman is prepping her ducks. FFS, I never thought this would happen to me, despite the extensive reading I've done on abusive behaviours. I've read the books and done the Freedom Programme etc etc and it's still taken me by surprise and shocked me.

He's now behaving like nothing has happened and I'm upset but hiding it while furiously thinking through what action I need to take next. I just want a hand hold I think.💐

You dont need to think through steps and actions.

You are in a physically abusive relationship, and you need to get away, right now.

Get out of this relationship. He is a horrible abusive asshole and he will only go on to do things that arw more dangerous to hurt and humiliate you .

He sounds really awful.

I mean this brings a whole new meaning to the word “shit show”
get rid of this bloody idiot how 🤢

What a turd. Flush him out of your life.

Yea the abuser has escalated the abuse. Trust your instincts on the "accidentally on purpose" situations as well.
I'd be fast tracking those ducks into their row asap.
What's your current timeline for leaving?

Pardon the pun,but I would totally lose my shit if anyone tried to do this to me! He sounds utterly disgusting.

This is horrible. Please break up with him.

Are there any kids to consider here?
If not, I would pack up your most important possessions, your passport and any financial information and go. I would not stay overnight with someone capable of doing this.
Phone a friend to be in the house with you while you pack.

So surely the fact there are decades of “emotional abuse, controlling manipulative behaviour” is the main point and is enough? What else do you need to leave?
As for the dog poo incident tbh i’d also be pissed off that you didn’t move the dog and I’d be embarrassed my OH had such low emotional maturity they thought it was funny.

He sounds like he has a very short fuse. Not healthy to be around.

Abuse often escalates when you are planning to leave.
No matter how much I thought I was acting normal he knew something had changed and his behaviour got worse until the day I left.
Easier said than done, believe me I know, but leave as soon as you can before he really hurts you

He’s abusive.

Crack on with preparing to dump him asap.

He is a vile pathetic bully of a man. Leave him. Be safe.

@nucleus there aren't any kids, we are too old for that thankfully. I will be thinking how I can fast track my plans ASAP 💐

There's a Radio 4 comedy called Cabin Pressure (if you've never listened to it, I can recommend it highly). One of the repeat themes is a "Code Red". This means: go away, go away now, and go away fast. I think you're in a Code Red situation.

This is awful OP. Do you have somewhere safe that you can go? He sounds quite frightening. I can't imagine my DH or the partners of my close friends ever doing these things. If they did I'd be offering them our spare room.

This incident perfectly sums up Margaret Attwood's statement: ''Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them."

I hope you are ok OP. I know how it feels to be shaken by someone's random acts of aggression like this.

That is disgusting, OP. Find your anger. Look out for yourself.

You acknowledge "decades" of emotional abuse from him, so why are you still with him? He is dangerous and abusive. Leave now. Like, before the new year.

New year, fresh start. Get rid of this man. A lovely peaceful life is waiting for you

This is awful. He doesn’t love you: he doesn’t even like you.

Girl this relationship is over, sorry

I'm still with him because I didn't know what emotional abuse was until recently. I knew that I wasn't very happy, but didn't know why and it was only when I stumbled across the concept of emotional abuse that I began to do research on it, which led to me being able to look back, see patterns, give a name to certain behaviours and realise what I have endured for "decades".

This is very definitely abusive. If you're planning to leave which I hope you are, please be very careful as abuse can escalate once the abuser knows you're planning to go/ break up