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Original poster

Does this mean he isn’t interested really? Is it the case here?

67 replies

Stailingtoegypt · 26/12/2025 15:36

I got chatting to an old friend a couple of weeks ago. Seemed to be quite extensive and enjoyed speaking over an app so suggested meeting up for a drink

He said that sounded good, when would I be available? I said my evenings are quite flexible, and he suggested meeting up in the new years, the 12th onwards?

He isn’t that interested is he? He works for an airline but he’s said previously he has regular shifts of 9-5. We live about 35 mins from each other

He doesn’t have children so nothing there to consider, for context

I am quite excited to see him and felt a bit deflated when he suggested sometime weeks away

OP posts:
Original poster
Stailingtoegypt · 26/12/2025 15:41

Oh and if it makes a difference, he works about 1 hour away from home

OP posts:
ProfessorInkling · 26/12/2025 15:43

Hard to say - have you actually made plans, are you in contact at all now or has it been left hanging?

SmileyMoonset · 26/12/2025 15:44

No, it means he’s got other things already booked in.

If he wasn’t interested, he wouldn’t have agreed or set a date.

Original poster
Stailingtoegypt · 26/12/2025 15:46

Key point - a few minutes before suggesting a drink, he said he was looking for a plan for NYE as friends had let him down now

OP posts:
SwaningAroundHereandThere · 26/12/2025 15:54

I think we need to know more of the back story here.

'An old friend' could mean anything- an ex or a friend?

Who made contact first?

Have you checked him you to see if he has a partner or a wife?

If he works shifts, what does than mean? Cabin crew? Ground crew/ check in/ pilot?

Is he just not busy?

If he's said from the 12th why don't you go back with a date that suits you?

I think you're too invested already and need to take this more casually.

SwaningAroundHereandThere · 26/12/2025 15:54

Stailingtoegypt · 26/12/2025 15:46

Key point - a few minutes before suggesting a drink, he said he was looking for a plan for NYE as friends had let him down now

Are you free on NYE?
If so, why not suggest that?

Original poster
Stailingtoegypt · 26/12/2025 15:58

SwaningAroundHereandThere · 26/12/2025 15:54

I think we need to know more of the back story here.

'An old friend' could mean anything- an ex or a friend?

Who made contact first?

Have you checked him you to see if he has a partner or a wife?

If he works shifts, what does than mean? Cabin crew? Ground crew/ check in/ pilot?

Is he just not busy?

If he's said from the 12th why don't you go back with a date that suits you?

I think you're too invested already and need to take this more casually.

Not an ex, someone I liked previously but was in a relationship at the time so couldn’t act on it.

I contacted him first initially, but then he would re connect the conversation when it fizzled out with something else etc

He works in an office at the airport so not flying and it’s 9-5 Monday to Friday

I just think if you see yourself really fancying a person and think they’re attractive, you’re more exciting to see them sooner? Maybe that’s just my take on it

OP posts:
Lagals · 26/12/2025 16:00

I see- so you’re talking interested in you as a romantic partner. Yeah he’s probably not tbh has he ever expressed an interest in you before? Maybe he just sees you as old friends and it’s perfectly normal to suggest a date a few weeks in advance to meet with an old mate.

Original poster
Stailingtoegypt · 26/12/2025 16:05

Lagals · 26/12/2025 16:00

I see- so you’re talking interested in you as a romantic partner. Yeah he’s probably not tbh has he ever expressed an interest in you before? Maybe he just sees you as old friends and it’s perfectly normal to suggest a date a few weeks in advance to meet with an old mate.

I don’t know. He’s been complimenting my looks and stuff like that, that you’d just not do to just friends

OP posts:
SwaningAroundHereandThere · 26/12/2025 16:06

Stailingtoegypt · 26/12/2025 15:58

Not an ex, someone I liked previously but was in a relationship at the time so couldn’t act on it.

I contacted him first initially, but then he would re connect the conversation when it fizzled out with something else etc

He works in an office at the airport so not flying and it’s 9-5 Monday to Friday

I just think if you see yourself really fancying a person and think they’re attractive, you’re more exciting to see them sooner? Maybe that’s just my take on it

Show quote history

Okay.

I don't think he's coming over as super keen.

You say he 'couldn't act on it' but that assumes he fancied you and wanted to pursue it if only he could disentangle himself. Had he articulated that - ie that he was attracted to you?

I'd leave the ball in his court and say if he's free from the 12th and fancies meeting up, let you know.

Then leave it.

SwaningAroundHereandThere · 26/12/2025 16:07

Stailingtoegypt · 26/12/2025 16:05

I don’t know. He’s been complimenting my looks and stuff like that, that you’d just not do to just friends

Show quote history

Men do this for an ego boost and sometimes it means nothing.

Tell him you may be free from the 12th , wait and see and meanwhile stop over-thinking it.

Original poster
Stailingtoegypt · 26/12/2025 16:13

SwaningAroundHereandThere · 26/12/2025 16:06

Okay.

I don't think he's coming over as super keen.

You say he 'couldn't act on it' but that assumes he fancied you and wanted to pursue it if only he could disentangle himself. Had he articulated that - ie that he was attracted to you?

I'd leave the ball in his court and say if he's free from the 12th and fancies meeting up, let you know.

Then leave it.

Show quote history

I agree. I’m sort of wondering if he may have wondered if I’d have spent NYE with him, I don’t know

Otherwise, seems odd he would suggest a date so far away.

OP posts:
Lagals · 26/12/2025 16:14

Stailingtoegypt · 26/12/2025 16:05

I don’t know. He’s been complimenting my looks and stuff like that, that you’d just not do to just friends

Show quote history

I agree with the pp, he probably sees it as some “harmless” flirting for a bit of an ego boost. Even if he is at best semi-interested this kind of laid back attitude may be a sign of how he would date ie. You’d have to push things forward and plan everything.

He might be open to it as many men will take what’s offered by a female friend but yeah to me he doesn’t sound keen. That said, I don’t know him and you do.

I’d leave it as let me know what date suits you then after the 12th. Or send him a list of your available dates that week and leave it to him to pick.

Lagals · 26/12/2025 16:15

Stailingtoegypt · 26/12/2025 16:13

I agree. I’m sort of wondering if he may have wondered if I’d have spent NYE with him, I don’t know

Otherwise, seems odd he would suggest a date so far away.

Show quote history

He’s probably not wondering or he would have asked you.

Arlanymor · 26/12/2025 16:21

It's a really busy time of year socially - the 12th is just over two weeks away when Christmas and New Year's dust will have settled. My last social event is on 5th January, then I'm back in work on the 6th, so if I was organising to meet up with someone it would be from the 12th onwards.

That said it doesn't sound as if there has been a lot of flirting, so he could be viewing it just as catching up with an old friend - which has a different imperative to romantic dating.

ProfessorInkling · 26/12/2025 16:27

NYE isn't great for a first date though, is it?

If you disagree, why don't you suggest it?

'Hey, you said you were free NYE, so am I, shall we go for a drink?'

Original poster
Stailingtoegypt · 26/12/2025 16:29

ProfessorInkling · 26/12/2025 16:27

NYE isn't great for a first date though, is it?

If you disagree, why don't you suggest it?

'Hey, you said you were free NYE, so am I, shall we go for a drink?'

I don’t think we are compatible for anything long term due to lifestyles, but I am really, really attracted to him and wanted maybe someone to laugh with and have sex

But too early days to communicate that really

OP posts:
Tighteningmybelt · 26/12/2025 16:36

You could message and ask if he sorted NYE and say you’re looking for a plan too if he fancies it?

outerspacepotato · 26/12/2025 16:40

If he was really interested in you, he would be wanting to take you out before 2 weeks have gone by. He'd be making it happen. Check his socials to see if there's a gf there.

You're more into him than he is into you and you will have to do the chasing.

Catza · 26/12/2025 16:59

Stailingtoegypt · 26/12/2025 16:29

I don’t think we are compatible for anything long term due to lifestyles, but I am really, really attracted to him and wanted maybe someone to laugh with and have sex

But too early days to communicate that really

Show quote history

If you are not looking for a relationship, why do you care if he is keen or not.

And just because he has no kids, doesn’t mean he is not busy. I have a regular job and no kids but I will struggle to make a last minute date - I have a lot of hobbies which occupy my evenings and I often travel to see friends at weekends. My diary is booked six weeks in advance and I am not making space for an old acquaintance if it means cancelling my plans.

TwistedWonder · 26/12/2025 17:00

Arlanymor · 26/12/2025 16:21

It's a really busy time of year socially - the 12th is just over two weeks away when Christmas and New Year's dust will have settled. My last social event is on 5th January, then I'm back in work on the 6th, so if I was organising to meet up with someone it would be from the 12th onwards.

That said it doesn't sound as if there has been a lot of flirting, so he could be viewing it just as catching up with an old friend - which has a different imperative to romantic dating.

Agree and I also don’t think NYE is a good first date evening.

Im really just this time of year and I know if I did want to make plans for a proper meet up with a potential date, I’d struggle to fit them in for next few weeks plus I only really want to socialise at weekends not squeeze the odd hour in after work.

Original poster
Stailingtoegypt · 26/12/2025 17:04

I get all that. But again, if I fancied someone I’d be keen to see them asap

The messaging is quite flirtatious and that side was initiated by him. So I assumed he’d already know this wasn’t suppose to be a drink between two old acquaintances

OP posts:
Catza · 26/12/2025 17:06

Stailingtoegypt · 26/12/2025 17:04

I get all that. But again, if I fancied someone I’d be keen to see them asap

The messaging is quite flirtatious and that side was initiated by him. So I assumed he’d already know this wasn’t suppose to be a drink between two old acquaintances

Given your level of overthinking a simple drink offer, I suggest you abort the mission. You don’t sound like a kind of a person who can handle causal sex.

Probablyshouldntsay · 26/12/2025 17:07

He might be waiting for payday? So he can afford nice meal etc

SwaningAroundHereandThere · 26/12/2025 17:07

Stailingtoegypt · 26/12/2025 17:04

I get all that. But again, if I fancied someone I’d be keen to see them asap

The messaging is quite flirtatious and that side was initiated by him. So I assumed he’d already know this wasn’t suppose to be a drink between two old acquaintances

men can say anything online as they like the banter. It's like a game to wind a woman in. It doesn't mean anything some times. Have you spoken or is this all texts?

If you just want sex , there are plenty of hook up sites where there is bound to be a man who ticks the boxes.

I think you should let this one go. You're already too keen and on the back foot. if he wants to see you , he will.