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Original poster

Red flags?

80 replies

ParapetCreeper · 26/12/2025 11:27

Which of these would put you off?

Man aged 40, good looking, great sex but...

Doesn't have his own place - rents a house with a flatmate, concerned about forthcoming rent increase.

Doesn't have a job - lives off savings but isn't affluent as he can't afford to live alone. Says he'll get a job when the money runs out.

Has a daughter aged 17 he has no contact with for past few years. Says it's due to the mum not being able to have him (they split when she was a baby) . He hasn't gone through court as he says the system is stacked against fathers and he'll probably lose. Also I'm unsure if he could afford it.

OP posts:
Simbaonedaythiswillallbeyours · 26/12/2025 13:00

No job, lives in a share house, doesn't speak to his child, refers to a dog as his 'son'? I bet he doesn't drive either.

If he is good in bed keep him as a fuck buddy but I can't imagine getting wet for such an absolute loser.

Red bunting for sure. He'll be angling to move into your house before you know it.

orangewasp · 26/12/2025 13:11

It depends what you're looking for. If it's a serious relationship with the potential to live together, it's a no. If you're happy with more casual then enjoy it for what it is.

Purplecatshopaholic · 26/12/2025 13:26

Shag him if you want, but don’t let him move in/marry him op!

Arlanymor · 26/12/2025 13:30

What does he do all day?

Original poster
ParapetCreeper · 26/12/2025 15:04

Oh he's definitely not in love or a freeloader.
In fact he was offered marriage and the chance to move into a 6 bedroom house by one of his exes but he declined.

He's basically dumped me so I'm wondering if I dodged a bullet.

He does drive, he describes his skills as driving fast and sex. He's highly self controlled as he's extremely picky and has only has a few sexual partners. He prides himself on his sexual prowess which is admittedly amazing. But he would prefer to go without sex than have 'drama' which women cause.

I don't know what he does all day. Watch TV, cook for his "son" dog, walk his dog (sometimes it just goes in the garden), talk on the phone to his mum.

OP posts:
Celynfour · 26/12/2025 15:42

Oh he sounds unbearable . And clearly doesn’t like women beyond being able to lap up the compliments about his special prowess .
Dust yourself off and thank your lucky stars that he took himself out

ThisJadeBear · 26/12/2025 15:50

Come on OP do you really believe that bollocks of the offer of marriage from a wealthy maiden?
I can’t believe you’ve really had to describe this man to ask others if he’s unsuitable.
You don’t know anything about him other than where he lives and what he calls his dog.
The rest is probably all pie in the sky.
You have dodged a bullet of epic proportions.

orangewasp · 26/12/2025 15:53

The additional info makes him sound like a right prat

TwistedWonder · 26/12/2025 15:58

ParapetCreeper · 26/12/2025 15:04

Oh he's definitely not in love or a freeloader.
In fact he was offered marriage and the chance to move into a 6 bedroom house by one of his exes but he declined.

He's basically dumped me so I'm wondering if I dodged a bullet.

He does drive, he describes his skills as driving fast and sex. He's highly self controlled as he's extremely picky and has only has a few sexual partners. He prides himself on his sexual prowess which is admittedly amazing. But he would prefer to go without sex than have 'drama' which women cause.

I don't know what he does all day. Watch TV, cook for his "son" dog, walk his dog (sometimes it just goes in the garden), talk on the phone to his mum.

Edited

JFC how could you keep a straight face around this complete and utter tosser?

And I’m sure the take of a sugar mummy offering him a huge house in exchange for a wedding ring and his sexual skills is about as true as a Disney movie.

Honestly you’ve fudged the biggest twat shaped bullet here.

MrsDoomsPatterson1 · 26/12/2025 15:59

Doesn’t sound like relationahip material

child is a red flag - sounds like he couldn’t be bothered

MrsDoomsPatterson1 · 26/12/2025 16:01

ParapetCreeper · 26/12/2025 15:04

Oh he's definitely not in love or a freeloader.
In fact he was offered marriage and the chance to move into a 6 bedroom house by one of his exes but he declined.

He's basically dumped me so I'm wondering if I dodged a bullet.

He does drive, he describes his skills as driving fast and sex. He's highly self controlled as he's extremely picky and has only has a few sexual partners. He prides himself on his sexual prowess which is admittedly amazing. But he would prefer to go without sex than have 'drama' which women cause.

I don't know what he does all day. Watch TV, cook for his "son" dog, walk his dog (sometimes it just goes in the garden), talk on the phone to his mum.

Edited

You whole heartedly and sincerely have dodged a massive bullet

what a big head..I’m exhausted just reading it

translate what it really means - he can’t bothered to work, probably doesn’t pay CM, can’t be bothered to see his children or fight for them, is extremely vain!

Can’t hold down a relationship

hugely superior attitude

even when child could see him of her own volition has decided not to!

MrsDoomsPatterson1 · 26/12/2025 16:05

I’m intrigued about how you can be attracted to this man?????

Comedycook · 26/12/2025 19:22

ParapetCreeper · 26/12/2025 15:04

Oh he's definitely not in love or a freeloader.
In fact he was offered marriage and the chance to move into a 6 bedroom house by one of his exes but he declined.

He's basically dumped me so I'm wondering if I dodged a bullet.

He does drive, he describes his skills as driving fast and sex. He's highly self controlled as he's extremely picky and has only has a few sexual partners. He prides himself on his sexual prowess which is admittedly amazing. But he would prefer to go without sex than have 'drama' which women cause.

I don't know what he does all day. Watch TV, cook for his "son" dog, walk his dog (sometimes it just goes in the garden), talk on the phone to his mum.

Edited

This is hilarious! Op, seriously!

Nosdacariad · 26/12/2025 19:40

ParapetCreeper · 26/12/2025 11:27

Which of these would put you off?

Man aged 40, good looking, great sex but...

Doesn't have his own place - rents a house with a flatmate, concerned about forthcoming rent increase.

Doesn't have a job - lives off savings but isn't affluent as he can't afford to live alone. Says he'll get a job when the money runs out.

Has a daughter aged 17 he has no contact with for past few years. Says it's due to the mum not being able to have him (they split when she was a baby) . He hasn't gone through court as he says the system is stacked against fathers and he'll probably lose. Also I'm unsure if he could afford it.

Where are the green flags on his character? Time to say "NEXT!"

Original poster
ParapetCreeper · 26/12/2025 20:05

I'm basically trauma bonded to him so even though I know he's wrong I'm devastated he's ended it, so I came to get some sense spoken into me!

OP posts:
MrsDoomsPatterson1 · 26/12/2025 20:07

ParapetCreeper · 26/12/2025 20:05

I'm basically trauma bonded to him so even though I know he's wrong I'm devastated he's ended it, so I came to get some sense spoken into me!

Well there you go - he’s not a keeper and has done you a favour

don’t get back in the trauma cycle dance with him. He sounds thoroughly selfish and mini any personality

Nosdacariad · 26/12/2025 20:07

ParapetCreeper · 26/12/2025 20:05

I'm basically trauma bonded to him so even though I know he's wrong I'm devastated he's ended it, so I came to get some sense spoken into me!

Ok. Please list all the negatives. Please confirm you have removed his access to you.

StopBothering · 26/12/2025 20:50

Love Honey has a range of fabulous options, OP.

A great orgasm is the only thing this specimen has to offer, which you can get from a battery boyfriend without the drama. Given the rest of what you have said, he will ruin your life.

StopBothering · 26/12/2025 20:52

P.S. just read the rest of your updates and he's full of shit.

OnlySoMuch · 26/12/2025 21:05

I’ve got ick reading this. I’d do a Claire’s law after blocking him on all platforms. Something doesn’t add up.

TwistedWonder · 26/12/2025 21:15

ParapetCreeper · 26/12/2025 20:05

I'm basically trauma bonded to him so even though I know he's wrong I'm devastated he's ended it, so I came to get some sense spoken into me!

So how long were you tolerating this prince amongst men to be trauma bonded?

MeTooOverHere · 27/12/2025 05:47

ParapetCreeper · 26/12/2025 11:27

Which of these would put you off?

Man aged 40, good looking, great sex but...

Doesn't have his own place - rents a house with a flatmate, concerned about forthcoming rent increase.

Doesn't have a job - lives off savings but isn't affluent as he can't afford to live alone. Says he'll get a job when the money runs out.

Has a daughter aged 17 he has no contact with for past few years. Says it's due to the mum not being able to have him (they split when she was a baby) . He hasn't gone through court as he says the system is stacked against fathers and he'll probably lose. Also I'm unsure if he could afford it.

Is this 2 different men you are going to choose between?

If it is the 1 guy I wouldn't touch him with a barge pole. No job, struggling with a rental AND can't afford/won't contact his child.

Sounds to me like a cocklodger-in-waiting.

Edited to ADD: someone asked what he does all day. Maybe he's a gigolo? That would explain access to money with no job and a heightened belief in his sexual ability.

Tomatocutwithazigzagedge · 27/12/2025 06:11

Does he not work to avoid paying anything towards his daughter by any chance?

RavenFinch · 27/12/2025 06:31

Tomatocutwithazigzagedge · 27/12/2025 06:11

Does he not work to avoid paying anything towards his daughter by any chance?

Ooooh good thought. Perhaps he thought if he skips work for a few years the Mum won't come after him for child maintenance as she knows full well he's a waste of space, unemployed layabout.

Also, the daughter is 17 years old. She will be 18 and an adult soon. Absolutely no point going to court for access. Also, going to court for access would bring up the question of child maintenance contributions from him (which could continue beyond age 18 if she continues in education).

You said in your first post you were not sure why he doesn't go to court, lack of money? - but that theory is baloney:

  1. if you are unemployed on no income you can get Legal Aid to cover the costs of Family Court Cases

  2. he spent £4,000 of his savings buying his Mum a car - he has savings he could pay a solicitor, but he chooses not to use his savings for that purpose. He chooses to use his savings to live on (and buy a car for his Mum).

  3. he knows full well deep down his daughter wants nothing to do with him and therefore there is absolutely no point in wasting time, energy, and potentially money on pursuing that ....... therefore he makes up more bullshit baloney about his ex not giving him access.

Empress13 · 27/12/2025 06:41

ParapetCreeper · 26/12/2025 15:04

Oh he's definitely not in love or a freeloader.
In fact he was offered marriage and the chance to move into a 6 bedroom house by one of his exes but he declined.

He's basically dumped me so I'm wondering if I dodged a bullet.

He does drive, he describes his skills as driving fast and sex. He's highly self controlled as he's extremely picky and has only has a few sexual partners. He prides himself on his sexual prowess which is admittedly amazing. But he would prefer to go without sex than have 'drama' which women cause.

I don't know what he does all day. Watch TV, cook for his "son" dog, walk his dog (sometimes it just goes in the garden), talk on the phone to his mum.

Edited

Offered marriage and chance to move into 6 bedroom house…. Yeh right! Don’t believe it OP . You’ve definitely dodged a tirade of bullets!

Edited to ask what was his reason for dumping you OP?