Done being single

[ReadyForNewYear]

I’m done being single, in the new year I really want to concentrate on finding someone. What are the best apps to use and any advice? Also which to avoid.

I met my husband on POF too 😁 7 years ago. We're just coming up 2 years married. So it can and does work. Had a lot of dodgy dates before though (with others I hasren to add, not my husband 🤣)

@lizziesaid It just wasn't for me. It felt very shallow and it also gave off a more casual vibe, with people looking for a quick hook up rather than a relationship.

@Catwoman8 thank you. Duly noted for when the time comes. Tinder does not sound right for me either.

I didn't have any dodgy dates but I had a lot of strange messages! I was losing hope with it to be honest, but then my husband sent a message, and for once I thought this person seems normal and looked decent. We had a date and the rest is history.

My best tip is don't search 😅😅😅 I was seperated out a 10 year relationship / marriage , rejected plenty because I never wanted to go through it again then all of a sudden husband no2 popped into my life

Thanks all, I don’t think I will meet anyone irl ive been single for years so if I don’t start looking it will never happen. I’ve heard lots of horror stories about POF so wonder if it’s got worse since then?!

I’m surprised pp have met their husbands on POF, just goes to show, keep an open mind and try them all!
Ive heard of a few tinder weddings also! I never had much luck on them myself , the longest guy I dated I found on match but wasn’t a keeper. I preferred bumble as an app but nothing came of it.

I know a couple who met on POF, it’s definitely the most popular on (except perhaps tinder) so I would probably start there.

Hello, it seems not many people are answering your questions so I will try.
I have used old in the past, I used one which is very popular in London and got lots of interest but it strikes me as a bit of a meat market and never met anyone through it. I also used a free one (which I think is based in India) which was faith based and marriage oriented , at that time it was opened or faiths but I think that may have changed. Really nice men on that site.
otherwise, maybe move to London? Even as an older woman I have been chatted up in supermarkets, on trains, in the streets . I found it quite entertaining. I think for Londoners it was a novelty of having somebody who actually smiled and talked.
Where I am from, most people settle down very early it’s much harder to meet someone. I have also heard that the men who are on old locally all know each other, compare notes about the ladies on the site, not just about their looks, but how soon the relationship develops into something more, IYSWIM
I have tried meeting people through introductions from friends but that has never been successful. I have introduced people to really nice men and some have married and been told by other women that they would never have made the introduction as they want to keep the man for themselves ( I am a bit taken aback by this to be honest).
If you have friends who go to pubs and clubs, join their group, this can also be a good way to meeting people. Even just asking someone, yes a stranger, if they have the time or what they are drinking, it starts the conversation.
Despite what people recommend about meeting folks through hobbies, this has happened for me. so don’t try and develop a new skill, learning new hobby, just to meet someone. It really doesn’t work.
But if you really want to meet someone go for a marriage site , message them for a while beforehand and take it slowly. And all the safety rules, meet in well lit public places during the day, no alcohol,make sure your friends know where you are, arrange for someone to phone you after an hour so you have the excuse to leave if you need it and always make sure you clock in with somebody by a certain time

People are trying to tell you that he wasn’t saying his conversations with you were shit but it was his way of taking it to the next level exchanging numbers and taking the chat off the site. (To WhatsApp/texting)

That sounds like a natural progression to me.

I think you've totally misunderstood what he was saying and jumped to wrong conclusions. He sounds nice.

Whatever site you use, make sure you use good photos - in other words, natural photos of the type you would be happy to post on social media, not carefully curated selfies!

I met my DH on bumble 5 years ago. I approached online dating as, I enjoy meeting people and having conversations. I met lots of people over 18 months and always had a very casual and friendly approach. I think that kept me sane. Previously, I was in a long relationship that started when I was 15 so online dating was a whole new world.

My approach was that I already had a full and happy life, I already had the career, children and home I wanted, I literally needed nothing from anyone. I was only looking for someone who added to my life, and fun and company along the way. My first date with DH was the first time I found someone I deeply connected with and finally I realised what I was looking for on dates. Still at that point I thought, I know the feeling I am looking for now but it won’t necessarily be him (he was younger, childless and in an excellent but incompatible career).

In my experience, meeting someone artificially online meant I needed more time to enjoy them as friends. Other people were also spooked at the idea of being “serious” from the outset so I preferred to keep it light. I only have exclusive sex so I told them that at the point of sex, and asked that they let me know if they started sleeping with someone else. It’s an unusual approach but it worked for me

I'm struggling to see what he did wrong!

I'm another who met my husband on POF, been together 10 years.

Well I met my fiance on e harmony 3 and a half years ago. I went on 3 dates. One awful, but only because he age really badly and wanted to hold my hand when he first met! One ok just not for me and my fiance! My OH dates more than me and said avoiding free sites is the best way. We are older though. You will need to be resilient but it can still work. Do try to get more yourself though, get a hobby etc. It will give you a focus and you will be more interesting! I started wild swimming when I was single and still do it now.

I wholly agree with you, Pinenuts.

I find men (probably woman too) are in a hurry to get off the sites and onto our phones; I hate this myself, and when we are having a really good chat and then he wants to move to my device, it invariably falls flat and he starts popping up all day long, interrupting what I am doing and being needy.

Plus, in the case you outlined, he made it sound as if he included you in the 'this site's shit' comment, (like saying, 'there's no one decent on here, is there?') and he showed no social skills in just chucking his number your way. I am a bit formal, and still prefer a man to say something like, 'how do you normally do the phone number thing ... Let me know if ever you want my number' rather than assuming and just chucking it at me when I am quite happy as things are.

I am very quick to meet, so if there is a rapport, I prefer to just meet asap and not dole out numbers until we get to plan date 2.

I also hate phone calls pre-meeting aswell, and I know I am in the minority but getting stuck on the phone with a guy I haven't met yet is awkward and usually ends up with the call putting me right off (though I give in and do it, with warnings that it is generally a no go for me, so if they want to see me, then just meet!).

When on the site, I can really enjoy chatting with a man because it is not putting me under duress to be available all day long when I am working. I can be there when I like and absent when I like.

Even if I tell them, 'I work through till X time,' if they have my number, then they still message, 'Hey! You still working?' It's bloody irritating.

I see no reason why we can't carry on with comms online on a site until we arrange to meet, as I sure do not want to amass hundreds of men on my personal device. Then when I do meet someone, these randoms still keep popping up with their 'Hey, how are you?' when I am with the one man I prefer to be with. And they keep numbers for decades!

A man I briefly dated fifteen fucking years ago popped up on my screen last year, telling me how sexy I looked the night we met and how I did something to him in bed that no one else ever did. Er... okay ...

I mean, I was 15 years younger and I had to remind him we are not the kids we were, and he is now a stranger to me so this was hardly opening conversation.

A PS: OLD can work. I met the man I was with for 14 years on there. We split up recently. But I also agree with those saying the best way is to do something you enjoy.

I recently joined a club which has around 100 men and maybe 6/7 women meeting every weekend, and the men differ each week as the membership is 4,400. Most are single, and probably one reason why is that they are always wanting to be out doing their hobby!

I would imagine I'll meet someone that way eventually if I keep going ... and it has nothing to do with dating.

I live in london, no one ever approaches me on the street.

Thanks all i will try POF

Be ready to get messaged from men old enough to be your father telling you age is only a number then getting agressive when you politely refuse.

And also men young enough to be your son with a MILF fetish

Thats my POF experience

No app is any better than the others, they are full of emotionally unavailable types, men who want no strings sex, men who aren’t single etc - there are decent guys who want a relationship on there but they’re few and far between and finding them means digging through the many unsuitable types. I’ve been single years but I haven’t used apps for ages, I would rather be single than deal with the above 😆

Sorry not exactly an uplifting take, but it’s important you go into this with a realistic perspective on what type of men are on dating apps.

Have to agree that’s been me and my friends experience of the apps. I think we can count on our fingers the decent dates we’ve had between us.

OLD men seem to fall into several categories

The ones chasing women 15/20/25 years their junior despite the fact they resemble Dobbys more wizened older brother

The ones looking for a shag

The ones who want a replacement wife aka nurse with a purse to cook clean and wipe their arse

The attached ones who want attention but no intention of meeting

The very tiny % of decent men who are snapped up immediately.

And it doesn’t matter which app you use, the same men are on all of them with their too close up mirror selfies taken in a public toilet, the proud topless giant fish photos or skiing/paddleboarding/hang gliding photos taken from such a distance only a hawk with binoculars can see what they look like.

And finally if your perfect Sunday doesn’t involve a long walk in the country followed by a pub roast, you’ve got no chance of a match 😂

Ugh yeah I totally forgot about the awful pictures. Just why? Absolutely zero effort made and yet they all expect a younger more attractive woman to fall at their feet 😆

Yep!!! You have summed it up in one post!!