Am I being disrespectful?

[artisticbeauty89]

I have been with my spouse for almost 4 years and we have a son together. We have been having issues because he says that I am disrespectful because I don’t always do what he tells me to do. I always grew up being taught that partnerships are equal. I do work full time and I do end up paying over half of the bills which makes sense because I do make a little more than my partner so that’s not really a huge deal. He says that he is the man so whatever he says goes. While I agree I still feel like my opinion and viewpoint matters too. I still cook, clean and drop the kids off to school. I would like some advice. He said that I am the problem and I’m the reason our relationship was failing. Am I really the problem? Any advice would be helpful. I would like help in fixing this.

He’s the issue
a man which thinks by virtue of being male gets or dominate and have the final say on things is a walking red flag
you’re financially independent - I bet he resents it and tries to get you to comply at home
if your relationship is in trouble do you want to save it

Easy fix. Dump him and find someone with a brain.

Honestly, if someone is going to behave like they're in the stone age with respect to how their spouse treats them it should be on all fronts. So he should be earning all the money and paying all the bills with your money being just yours for pocket money.

Or he can grow up and understand that equal means equal.

He is not your boss. It is not your job to do as you are told.

It is 2025 and women & men are equal. He has no right to lord it over you.

Is this a joke? How can you accept his viewpoint in this day and age?

Get out asap he'll only get worse.
What an idiot he is. This is 2025

Blimey, where did you find him - the 1950s?

I would like help in fixing this

There is only one way, and that is to end the relationship. Sexist, misogynistic men like him will never change. They will always expect to be superior to you and there is nothing you can do or say that will make any difference.

He's a garden variety misogynist who says out loud women should take his orders because he's a man.

I personally don't date or fuck misogynists but in your shoes since you married him, you have to decide if this is how you want to live your life being seen by your own spouse as lesser because he's got a penis. He'll teach your son that too.

If he:s the man, why isn't he paying everything and providing it all for his family. He only follows some of the misogynist playbook but he's happy to take your money. That shows you he's not just a misogynist, but a hypocrite.

My parents married in the 1950s. My dad - a coal miner - never, ever pulled this sort of shit on my mum. They made decisions together.

😲

He says that he is the man so whatever he says goes

Assuming you are in the UK, the law says different.

You grew up being taught that partnerships are equal. They absolutely should be.

He clearly grew up being taught that having a penis means that he is a superior being, all women are inferior and are only on this planet to serve men.

Stuff that for a game of soldiers. Divorce the bastard.

Get rid of this pos.

He says that he is the man so whatever he says goes.

Fucking hell the Stone Age called and want misogynistic knuckle dragging outdated views back.

Hes a fucking prick. Thinks he rules the roost nut expects you to pick up more of the bills than him.

Please dont bring a child up in this environment- you’ll be teaching you DS that men get to treat women like shit.

Let me get this right you earn more than him, pay more bills than him work full time, do all the cooking, cleaning and the kids stuff and he thinks that because he has a penis and you don't he should be able to order you around and you want to fix this?
Tell me @artisticbeauty89 why are you with this misogynistic pig of a man

Your relationship is supposed to be a partnership not a dictatorship.

This is to live. It's a tale as old as time - the substandard partner will always blame the other for relationship issues rather than look at their contribution.

How on earth have you got to 4 years in and only just heard him express this view? And what do you mean by “while I agree?”
How on earth can any woman in this day and age agree that what a man says, goes? I grew up in the 60s and 70s and was firmly encouraged by my parents (who also had an equal marriage) that no man was better than me.
It doesn’t necessarily mean the end of your relationship - just as long as you can assert your independence and opinions and he will accept them.

" He says that he is the man so whatever he says goes. While I agree I still feel like my opinion and viewpoint matters too."
Why on earth would you agree with that bullshit? Because it is bullshit.

Is this an arranged marriage? Are you Mormon / Muslim / Fundementalist Quiverfull Christian? What would make a woman in the UK subjugate herself to this medieval attitude?

"He said that I am the problem and I’m the reason our relationship was failing."
If your relationship is failing, it is because he is inadequate. He is unable to to be a man in a partnership, he is only able to be a bully.

"Any advice would be helpful. I would like help in fixing this."
Divorce.

if he wants a "traditional man of the house" role, give it to him. Stop working and see how he handles that.

Is he English 🤔 my husband is from Bangladesh so he took a bit of training but he doesn’t mean to be like that 🤣
But anyway, it’s not funny, I can’t see you being able to sort this out he seems a bit too far gone with it. He seems a bit thick, women don’t have to put up with this crap these days. Was his dad like that? Is he a time traveler? Has he been watching Andrew Tate?

Has he changed recently eg since you had your son? If so nip it in the bud. No I am not being disrespectful, no I do not have to do what you say, no being a man doesn't mean what you say is law. If he has always been like this then why on earth did you marry him? You need to sort this out now or leave. It will be massively damaging for your son to grow up in a house where whatever men say goes.

This cannot be real? On the off chance it is how on earth have you ended up married to and having children with, such a massive twat? Has he always been a misogynist?
If my DH came out with shite like that, I would genuinely fear he’d had some kind of brain injury.
For clarity, no you do not have to do what he says because he is “the man”. And there is nothing manly about how he is behaving.

So if he’s such a man then why are you paying over half the bills? I love the audacity of these “men” who want “traditional” women without being “traditional” men themselves. Why isn’t he being a provider for you? Why is he happy to take money from a woman but not her opinions? Dump this loser.

"He says that he is the man so whatever he says goes. While I agree"

How can you possibly agree with that? Why do you agree?

Unless you want to be dominated, controlled, and downtrodden all your life, it's time to plan your escape for this awful man.

I'm wondering if you are from a different culture to me because I'm British Christian and it seems crazy to me that you think he is right. You pay most of the bills, do all the cleaning and think he should make the decisions as a man? You think you should have a view but he doesn't agree?
I think you should have as much equality as him in decision making and I think if you are paying half the bills, he should be doing half of the housework.

Oh come on, you surely know the answer!