Am I being disrespectful?

[artisticbeauty89]

I have been with my spouse for almost 4 years and we have a son together. We have been having issues because he says that I am disrespectful because I don’t always do what he tells me to do. I always grew up being taught that partnerships are equal. I do work full time and I do end up paying over half of the bills which makes sense because I do make a little more than my partner so that’s not really a huge deal. He says that he is the man so whatever he says goes. While I agree I still feel like my opinion and viewpoint matters too. I still cook, clean and drop the kids off to school. I would like some advice. He said that I am the problem and I’m the reason our relationship was failing. Am I really the problem? Any advice would be helpful. I would like help in fixing this.

Did this behaviour present pre-marriage or did he only reveal it afterwards?
Hopefully (assuming you want to, that is) you can train him up to be a decent human being and equal partner. That is going to take a lot of rows, a lot of effort and a lot of biding your time until he “gets it”.
Do you ever just go out for the day and leave your husband to get on with it with caring for your toddler? Sometimes a dose of reality is needed.

Maybe he feels insecure because 'you earn more' than him so he feels threatened and insecure about this so he's trying to take back some power by asserting his dominance to bring you down a notch.

Tell him there's no need to do this because you are in a 'partnership' and you are happy to contribute your part to the household both inside and outside the home so you do not need him saying things to make you feel bad.

He needs to be honest about why he's acting like this. He's already trying to blame shift everything on you!

I agree a man should be head of the family/household, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t equal, or your opinion shouldn’t matter. A man and a woman are as equally important as each other

Not acceptable. Your DH is ridiculous.

Head of the household! Pathetic.

Why on earth do you think you need to be "led" by a man? Do you not have your own will? Why would you think a man knows the way better?

What?! A man should be head of the family/household?
FFS, we are nearly in 2026. HOW ON EARTH IS THIS SHIT STILL BEING SPOUTED???? Let alone, believed. By women.

Jesus, this thread is depressing (apart from the fact that so many of us are disputing it).

What exactly is he saying you are at fault with? What are you apparently doing or not doing according to his superior 😂 decision making skills?

Let me guess, not having sex enough or not indulging him in the type of sex he wants?
Not cooking exactly what he likes?
Spending too much money.... but it's on things for the house or your mutual child? Necessities like uniform and shoes?
Not agreeing to him going out whenever he wants to the detriment of the family he is supposed to be the head of and be ultimately responsible for?
Going out yourself and leaving him to take care of his child?

Please, tell us more about this responsible head of your household and how superior he is to you as a woman.

Tell him that's not how human relationships work. That you'd rather be single than act like some kind of robot who performs to an ignorant man's command and whim.

He doesn't care about your opinions or feelings. He's told you straight up they do not matter.

Anyone that thinks that way it's thick beyond redemption and or a sociopath so the only way to fix it is to fuck him off. That'll be a fantastic Xmas present for you both.

So you both have very old fashioned, misogynistic views on a man's role, but for some reason think he should get all the power and none of the responsibilities? Madness. If he wants to be traditional, he should be paying the bills.

If you really believe he should lead, then I guess you have to accept he doesn't want or need your input. I personally couldn't live like that. What does he say when you challenge him on it?

Was this an arranged marriage op?

I can’t think why you would have marroed him and had a child with him otherwise.

With regards to ‘I definitely don’t want my son thinking this is ok’ I lm afraid it’s too late. You have chosen a misogynist to procreate with, who will always be one, so he will teach his son the same values. Divorce won’t even help your son as your awful husband will get him on his own, Divorce will help you, but it’s probably the only fix you can do.

im so sorry for you that you couldn’t work out/had no one to warn you back when you first met.

Wait a minute. ‘Kids’ ? With an s? So your step children? You’re the nanny for your sdc too?

He is the issue. Dump him. It will never improve. You can’t figure out how to change another person, you can only make your own decisions.

He thinks respect means subservient. Like every single man who throws that word around.

Tell him they are going to soon be starting anti-mysogyny lessons in schools ... he might want to ascertain if there are any night classes also...so that he can get himself enrolled to attend.

His idea of respect is ‘do what you’re told not h and pay the bills while you’re at it’

He’s a misogynistic prick who wants it all ways. He wants to rule the roost but not be the breadwinner

Honestly hope and prey he doesn’t return from his jaunt overseas

Just because your DH is a man, there is absolutely no reason for you to do as he tells you. Absolutely not. Why should he ? Women are equal to men. He is not superior to you. He shouldn’t lead the household either. You are a partnership, 50/50. Simple as.