Am I being disrespectful?

[artisticbeauty89]

I have been with my spouse for almost 4 years and we have a son together. We have been having issues because he says that I am disrespectful because I don’t always do what he tells me to do. I always grew up being taught that partnerships are equal. I do work full time and I do end up paying over half of the bills which makes sense because I do make a little more than my partner so that’s not really a huge deal. He says that he is the man so whatever he says goes. While I agree I still feel like my opinion and viewpoint matters too. I still cook, clean and drop the kids off to school. I would like some advice. He said that I am the problem and I’m the reason our relationship was failing. Am I really the problem? Any advice would be helpful. I would like help in fixing this.

So when I said I agree I meant that I agree that a man is supposed to lead his household but I believe a man can lead and a woman still be able to express herself and her opinions still matters. I definitely don’t want my son thinking that this is ok.

But why on earth in 2025 do you agree a man is supposed to lead a household? Especially when as in your case, the woman pays more of the expenses

You think a man is supposed to lead his household?!! I think you might be part of the problem, OP, which perhaps might be evident from the fact that you married this misogynist man. I expect his views were evident from the start, you appear to have bought into them enough to marry him. I'm not saying you can't or shouldn't complain or change your mind but if you have, leaving him is the only option.These kind of men have too much invested in their very advantageous situations (you earn more, contribute 50/50, and do all the household/childcare work) - and are not going to change.

Why the fuck do you think a man should lead? If that’s true why are you paying more than him? I hope this is made up as it’s totally ridiculous.

He acts like some lord of the manor with you being the serf than an actual partner or spouse. Your man does not like you expressing your opinion because, in his head, your opinion and therefore you do not matter.

If you really do not want your son to think his dad's attitude towards you is ok then you will need to separate from him. I would readily assume he resents you earning more than he does. DO not stay in such a relationship for the sake of the child.

You have a choice re this man and your child does not.
Such men do not change; you can only change how you react to him.

Where did this mindset come from re a man solely leading the household?. Is that one lesson you learnt about relationships from your parents when you were growing up?.

Wut? Lead his household?

If my husband said that to me, I would have laughed for a very long time. Then told him to fuck off with his 1950s crap.

“A man can lead his household”? Nope. The only leads in my house go on the dogs!
DH and I are 50/50 equal partners in everything.

You actually agree that everything that he says goes because he is a man? That's absolutely bonkers!

Did you grow up in some weird cult or in an ultra-conservative religious community? I can't think of any other reason why you would defer to him in everything and agree that you should obey him.

Does he cook and clean too?

He does clean and does some of the cooking also

He is the man so what he says goes

ha ha ha ha

ditch him. Simples.

Wtf? Why on earth do you think a man should lead a household? What century are you both living in?!

As he should - it’s his home too

Why on earth do you think a man should lead a household? Especially if you were brought up with equality?

I hope this is rage bait

It genuinely astounds me that men still spout this crap in this day and age.
My (now ex) husband announced (in the 1990s) that his mam hadn't gone to visit him in hospital (because it involved two bus journeys each way and it' wasn't safe' but it was fine for me to do it, apparently) - my father in law had a car, but there was no mention of him going, or taking her.
I was told that she didn't go because my father in law said she shouldn't and to quote my husband "she abided by his wishes".
I made him a cup of tea, sat him down, and said l had something to tell h im "which might come as a shock."
I told him that Queen Victoria was dead.
Absolute nonsense. And it goes a long way to explain why he's my ex husband.

Why do you believe a man is supposed to lead his household?

No one person leads my household. We do things and make decisions together.

Partnerships are equal and things should be shared. You're already doing your half. What is your partner doing?Does he help out at home even though he works too? Does he share looking after the children? My dad always did and this was in the 70's..He cooked, he cleaned, he worked full time, he took us to school, he took us to the park, he supported my mother alot. She worked too. I never saw mens roles or women's roles in my house. Maybe your partner has been watching too many social media posts on how women are supposed to 'submit'.

Run for your life.

He feels emasculated because a woman earns more than he does and pays more than him towards the bills so he is trying to gain some back by making you feel small & by keeping you quiet.
My husband owns a security company and I am cabin crew. Before he got his company off the ground, he stayed at home with our then 4yr and 1yr boys whilst I worked. I work for a company that only does long haul flights so I was always gone for 2 or 3 days. I knew he found it difficult not working but he was working and I knew it would be to our families benefit once his company took off. This was 18yrs ago now & his business is doing fantastic and i'm now senior cabin crew trainer.
Your husband sounds like a egotistical prick. Do not listen to him x

Sorry, I just saw that he does help around the home. What is he '' telling you to do though?

Because you have to consider the motive. If he's asking for things that you don't agree with, or you will be the only one who is disadvantaged by what he is asking then you don't need to do it..

If he's trying to get you to do things simply as a form or coercion or control because '' he's the man'', then you don't need to do it because you are a grown adult.

In a healthy relationship we do things out of love, not because we're being forced, guilt tripped or manipulated and we do not demand that our partners "do what we say'' and get angry at them if they don't. 🙁

"We have been having issues because he says that I am disrespectful because I don’t always do what he tells me to do. "

Err, sorry, what?!

Are the "kids" (besides the son you have together) yours or his? How old is the child you have together? If you've been together four years and this has just come up, could it be something to do with both of your responsibilities (and needs, interest, time, commitments, focus) changing because of having a baby?

I wanna know the things youre not doing 😅
I dont think you are compatible.