Why did he think this was acceptable?

[FrostedBerries]

Ex and I split up 8 years ago. In that time he never once had the kids overnight, he'd only see them if it was at my house where he would come and visit, he would occasionally take them out but that was with prompts, and usually it was only to the local park and then he'd bring them straight home. He didn’t want to have them overnight or take them to his, so that meant for me never having a single day or night to myself which also meant zero life outside of being a mum. Why did he think this was acceptable? Just been thinking it over and can’t understand why a father wouldnt want to have their kids at their house or overnight and only wanting to visit them at the mums house? I was suppose to be ok with this and he couldn’t see what the problem was only coming down to visit and he told me loads of his friends only see the kids at the mums house.

Because he’s lazy, selfish and too immature to be a father? I don’t think there’s any great mystery here OP. Lots of men are terrible fathers.

All the posts I read are from men desperate to have their kids overnight, I even see mums post saying their ex wants the kids overnight and they don’t want them to have them!

Yeah, he's a lazy, selfish git. That's all there is to it really.

Because he's selfish and lazy and cares more about himself than his children. Some men are just scum, unfortunately.

It's no surprise he only mixes with other bad fathers, is it!

I’d have been delighted that this crap man had such little involvement in my children’s lives

Whilst I would like to agree I would obviously like to have some time to myself now and again! It’s exhausting raising kids alone.

Yes but are you coming out the other side now?

how involved he now?

Did this prince pay maintenance?

No wouldnt say coming out the other side now. I’m more exhausted than when they were little and probably more happy to have a break from them now. I can understand why women might be apprehensive handing over babies and toddlers so I was probably not that devastated he didn’t want them ive night when they were small. No maintenance.

So he doesn’t work?

Presumably you applied to CMS?

Mine did the same, OP. I was working a FT stressful job and looked after 2 children. He lived 5 minutes down the road. It makes me feel incredibly sad he couldn’t be arsed to develop a relationship with them.

He doesn’t work.

Thank you yes exactly. I’d love to be grateful to have them all to myself but I didn’t have them with the intention of raising them alone.

First Post, as so often, nails it. I would add I bet he thinks he deserves a medal for being father of the year for the fact he even sees his kids.

Could it have been because he didn’t want you to move on? He’s a knob by the way.

What was he like when you were together? If you did it all then it’s unrealistic to think that he’d change his ways.

The bar is very low for fathers. I’ve had women irl tell me that my ex is an amazing dad for seeing the kids 24 hours a fortnight and paying maintenance on time. He never visited the kids schools post split and wouldn’t be able to name important people in their lives like boyfriend, girlfriend or best friend.

I suspect that he doesn’t want you knowing details about his life like how messy his house is or having to pay for stuff like food for them. Coming to yours keeps him knowing about your life and has the added bonus of you cleaning after him.

No I didn’t do it all he was an involved father till we split. Even lazy fathers still have their kids overnight.

I doubt it as he broke up with me.

You wanted to be with him?

So he lives off benefits
did he work when you were together?
can he afford anywhere to live?

I bet all the other dads he refers to are like him. Unemployed layabouts. Shudder

As said he wasn’t like this when together.

He has a 3 bed house.

He has a 3 bed house
yet he doesn’t work and hasn’t works since you split
and he doesn’t pay a penny maintenance

Well this is a bit weird

is the house with a mortgage or rented?