Why did he think this was acceptable?

[FrostedBerries]

Ex and I split up 8 years ago. In that time he never once had the kids overnight, he'd only see them if it was at my house where he would come and visit, he would occasionally take them out but that was with prompts, and usually it was only to the local park and then he'd bring them straight home. He didn’t want to have them overnight or take them to his, so that meant for me never having a single day or night to myself which also meant zero life outside of being a mum. Why did he think this was acceptable? Just been thinking it over and can’t understand why a father wouldnt want to have their kids at their house or overnight and only wanting to visit them at the mums house? I was suppose to be ok with this and he couldn’t see what the problem was only coming down to visit and he told me loads of his friends only see the kids at the mums house.

He broke up with me so I doubt it. The kids would not go to his house now anyway.

I'd take the £7 a week and use it for babysitting money so you could at least get an couple of hours when you need it.

£7 wouldnt pay for a sitter not even close!

No, of course not. But 28 over a month should pay for a couple of hours at least.

Not here they charge £20 an hour but if I’m being 100% honest I wouldn’t hire a babysitter online to look after my children personally so wouldnt do that anyway and I don’t know anyone irl

I sympathize greatly with you and your kids are lucky to have a parent as devoted as responsible as you are.

Reading through the comments, the other posters are encouraging you to find solutions. I know you want the father to step up but you have to radically accept that isn’t going to happens and come up with alternative ways to have a life.

I am a single mom of 2 with no close family. I work full time and live On a tight budget. Also no car! But I have learned to get creative…
It’s important to build up a support network of other mothers, including single ones. You can watch her kids for an evening and she can watch your kids for an evening, etc. get to know your neighbors. Invite friends to your house for dinner so the kids can play in the room while you socialize.

its time to stop harping on how things should be and actually figure something out for yourself.

Thank you I do have single parent friends but their kids fathers are involved or they have family support so they don’t want or need to swap babysitting favours sadly.

First post nails it.

My ex partner is exactly as you describe your ex dp.

We split up nearly 7 years ago.
We have 4 dc. 3 youngest have SEN.

He was sacked the week after he left and he's never worked since.
He lived with his Dad rent free for 5 years until he died and exdp inherited the house.

Hes never paid maintenance.
Never had the dc to stay or taken them out, other then the local park.

He always worked when we were together (20 years). He did all the decorating, gardening and house work when he lived with us.

He has made sure my life is as difficult as possible.
Doesn't want me to move on and doesn't have a proper relationship with our dc.

Why does he behave like this?
Because he can and its actually who he really is.
It doesn't matter why, ultimately thinking about it is a total waste of time and changes nothing.

Look after yourself and life won't always be as hard as it is right now.
Take care.

Has he got suitable accommodation for them overnight?

Thanks, wow that is very similar, we also have 4 children. The house was his mums house they let him keep it as he was living there at the time, I’m amazed they let a single man keep it but they did. My ex wasn’t a useless father when we were together but people don’t believe it and I can’t be bothered to defend myself or justify it I get told he must have been crap when I was with him but he wasn’t. He doesn’t work I suspect to not pay maintenance. But this is basically exactly the same as my situation.

Yes he has a 3 bedroom house.

I would still take the £7 per week and save it for the children if you don’t want it, to make a point. Or even donate it to charity.

They honestly don’t need it.

My ex is similar though he does have them at his, he has never had them overnight and refuses too. Dc are now young adults but youngest is severely autistic, all he really does with her is take her to McDonald’s or to do the weekly food shop. Eldest no longer sees him. He hasn’t offered to see them at all over Christmas and hasn’t bothered to even call them. I came to terms with it a long time ago, I no longer as him for anything, I no longer ask him to have them any extra because he always says ‘no’ and has done for the last 10+ years. If I ask him for any help he likes to remind me that ‘I was the one that left him’.

I don’t get a break from dd2, I care for her full time, she needs 24 hour care. He thinks he’s doing enough by taking her for a drive once a week.

Yeah we didn’t hear anything from him this xmas either no presents no cards not even a text, not surprised tbh. Kids aren’t bothered about him anymore it’s more the injustice of it all that bothers me that I had to struggle alone for years.

Many charities would be extremely appreciative of a regular donation of £7 per week. I’d donate the funds to something he was really against to get a quiet bit of satisfaction! You sound like a fabulous mum and your children will grow up to appreciate all you’ve done for them. Look to the future it’s going to be great.