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Original poster

Why did he think this was acceptable?

67 replies

FrostedBerries · 21/12/2025 14:26

Ex and I split up 8 years ago. In that time he never once had the kids overnight, he'd only see them if it was at my house where he would come and visit, he would occasionally take them out but that was with prompts, and usually it was only to the local park and then he'd bring them straight home. He didn’t want to have them overnight or take them to his, so that meant for me never having a single day or night to myself which also meant zero life outside of being a mum. Why did he think this was acceptable? Just been thinking it over and can’t understand why a father wouldnt want to have their kids at their house or overnight and only wanting to visit them at the mums house? I was suppose to be ok with this and he couldn’t see what the problem was only coming down to visit and he told me loads of his friends only see the kids at the mums house.

OP posts:
Original poster
FrostedBerries · 21/12/2025 16:07

agathacrisps · 21/12/2025 16:04

is the house with a mortgage or rented?

Was his Parents house, was passed down to him due to him living there at the time. And it’s rented.

OP posts:
agathacrisps · 21/12/2025 16:12

FrostedBerries · 21/12/2025 16:07

Was his Parents house, was passed down to him due to him living there at the time. And it’s rented.

Edited
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So a council house?

He sounds awful but knowing that doesn’t help

Original poster
FrostedBerries · 21/12/2025 16:13

agathacrisps · 21/12/2025 16:12

So a council house?

He sounds awful but knowing that doesn’t help

Show quote history

Housing association

OP posts:
Localfriend · 21/12/2025 16:21

FrostedBerries · 21/12/2025 16:13

Housing association

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He lives alone?

Localfriend · 21/12/2025 16:21

You can still claim CMS albeit peanuts if he’s unemployed

Localfriend · 21/12/2025 16:22

FrostedBerries · 21/12/2025 15:57

As said he wasn’t like this when together.

Show quote history

Did he jack in work when he finished it?

a third party involved?

TessSaysYes · 21/12/2025 16:33

He sounds like a dreadful deadbeat...if he's bringing no value, would you be better off not hosting him any more.
It's on him if he decides to never see his kids, in spite of the garbage excuses he ll spit out.
Though he might come up with a sensible arrangement.

Original poster
FrostedBerries · 21/12/2025 16:38

No cheating, he doesn’t have a partner or other kids that I’m aware of. I know he has had lodgers over the years or friends staying but wouldnt he aware of his current living situation. He gave up work due to mental health issues but that was years ago and he is now better.

OP posts:
Meadowfinch · 21/12/2025 16:49

Because he's a lazy self centred PoS who is incapable of considering anyone else's well being except his own. Stop even thinking about him. He's not worth the head space.

My ex did the same.

Rather than get upset (since I couldn't force him to do any parenting), I just got on with life. Ignored him. Had fun. Took ds everywhere. Told ex nothing. He was irrelevant.

I've had a ball raising ds. I've taught him to swim, cycle, ski. We've travelled together, done rock pools and sand castles, cooked together, decorated together, done gcses together, visited universities together. Found ds a job together.

Ex is still irrelevant. 😁 He always will be.

Widerarea · 21/12/2025 17:07

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Original poster
FrostedBerries · 21/12/2025 20:06

Meadowfinch · 21/12/2025 16:49

Because he's a lazy self centred PoS who is incapable of considering anyone else's well being except his own. Stop even thinking about him. He's not worth the head space.

My ex did the same.

Rather than get upset (since I couldn't force him to do any parenting), I just got on with life. Ignored him. Had fun. Took ds everywhere. Told ex nothing. He was irrelevant.

I've had a ball raising ds. I've taught him to swim, cycle, ski. We've travelled together, done rock pools and sand castles, cooked together, decorated together, done gcses together, visited universities together. Found ds a job together.

Ex is still irrelevant. 😁 He always will be.

I’m honestly so glad you feel this way and life has been good for you but life has been extremely challenging for me and not having a single second person there has been so tough but ive not got family that will help out either. Ive had to cancel medical appointments as ive had no one to have them it’s been hard.

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icantgetnosheep1 · 21/12/2025 20:12

I’ve had a similar situation and it’s because if the children stay over with him you have some sort of freedom-god forbid you might even go out and enjoy life. By coming to the house he gets to check up on what’s happening inside the home, nip that on the bud and tell him to take the children out so you can have a break. Selfish man.. many of them about unfortunately.

Original poster
FrostedBerries · 21/12/2025 20:30

icantgetnosheep1 · 21/12/2025 20:12

I’ve had a similar situation and it’s because if the children stay over with him you have some sort of freedom-god forbid you might even go out and enjoy life. By coming to the house he gets to check up on what’s happening inside the home, nip that on the bud and tell him to take the children out so you can have a break. Selfish man.. many of them about unfortunately.

Yeah exactly I get no life, can’t even meet with friends without the kids tagging along, can’t do anything that isnt related to being a mum, certainly no dating! Not going to pretend that is a good thing, haven’t had a night to myself in 8 years. Makes me so angry.

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ExamHellDoubled · 21/12/2025 20:33

Doesn’t work, doesn’t look after his kids, what on earth does he do all day?

Contact CMS and start insisting he takes them out. If he’s not welcome at your home, he will have to take them elsewhere. His choice.

Original poster
FrostedBerries · 21/12/2025 20:38

ExamHellDoubled · 21/12/2025 20:33

Doesn’t work, doesn’t look after his kids, what on earth does he do all day?

Contact CMS and start insisting he takes them out. If he’s not welcome at your home, he will have to take them elsewhere. His choice.

No he won’t, he chooses not to see them if he is not allowed to see them here. Cm would be £7 per week.

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ExamHellDoubled · 21/12/2025 21:02

I’d still take that insulting amount even if just to underline that even the government recognise that he should take some responsibility for the children he’s created. And if he makes the decision not to see them because he’s not allowed at your house then that’s on him, not you. He clearly isn’t much of a father that you even think he would do this so what are they missing out on? Some sort of very occasional, conditional fathering with zero benefit in real terms, in terms of financial support, male role modelling or much else it seems. What a loss that would be.

Original poster
FrostedBerries · 21/12/2025 21:15

ExamHellDoubled · 21/12/2025 21:02

I’d still take that insulting amount even if just to underline that even the government recognise that he should take some responsibility for the children he’s created. And if he makes the decision not to see them because he’s not allowed at your house then that’s on him, not you. He clearly isn’t much of a father that you even think he would do this so what are they missing out on? Some sort of very occasional, conditional fathering with zero benefit in real terms, in terms of financial support, male role modelling or much else it seems. What a loss that would be.

I’m not interested in £7 I don’t need it he can have his pennies

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Abittrumpy · 22/12/2025 18:38

Depressing that a single man is living in a 3 bedroom Housing association with his rent paid. And sounds as though he’s making money off it by renting out rooms.

Personally, I wouldn’t be able to ever relax knowing my children was with someone so shit.

I can’t believe that someone like this would have ever been a good father.

1andhalf · 24/12/2025 06:16

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jackdunnock · 24/12/2025 10:57

It's either simply because he's lazy and selfish, or because he wants to punish and control you for the relationship not working out. The control is because he knows he's preventing you from having any kind of life of your own outside of parenting. There's almost zero chance of you being able to develop a relationship and have a new partner in these circumstances, and that's likely what he wants.

You should probably have pushed him harder to have the kids overnight years ago - asked him which weekend he he's having the kids, then told him which weekend he's having them. Probably too late to start now. Have you ever discussed the idea of it with your children? Sounds like they're now old enough for their view point to be considered so if they loathe the idea of staying with him then it's really too late to start now.

chunkyBoo · 24/12/2025 11:16

Sadly you’ve also enabled him to be a shitty dad, he has a responsibility and you should have pushed really hard to ensure he had the kids, especially when they weren’t babies or toddlers as I’d guess he’s also crap at care. In all honesty if he can’t even be arsed to work for a living and provide for his kids then you’re much better off without him. Hell amount to nothing, so I hope you give your kids a good setting so they can make the most of their lives and build decent careers

Lurkingandlearning · 24/12/2025 12:03

Because it was the minimum he needed to do without being seen as a useless father. Any less and people would be asking why he wasn’t going to court for contact. As it was he probably told people that was all you would allow and he tolerated it so as to keep the peace for the children’s sake.

outerspacepotato · 24/12/2025 12:24

Why did you let him do visitation at your place? That set him up for thinking all he had to do was come to your place. His place was his place, your place was the family home so he saw his family, his kids, there. You made it easy for him and he chose easy.

Original poster
FrostedBerries · 24/12/2025 21:09

Lurkingandlearning · 24/12/2025 12:03

Because it was the minimum he needed to do without being seen as a useless father. Any less and people would be asking why he wasn’t going to court for contact. As it was he probably told people that was all you would allow and he tolerated it so as to keep the peace for the children’s sake.

He hasn’t seen them since I stopped allowing him to see them here so not it hasnt made him step up

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Original poster
FrostedBerries · 24/12/2025 21:11

outerspacepotato · 24/12/2025 12:24

Why did you let him do visitation at your place? That set him up for thinking all he had to do was come to your place. His place was his place, your place was the family home so he saw his family, his kids, there. You made it easy for him and he chose easy.

Because he wouldn’t see them otherwise, I have since stopped him and he hasn’t seen them since.

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