Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is very slow replies normal or a sign of disinterest?

52 replies

Brownwithcameltotes · 20/12/2025 15:39

For context, we are 28 and 30.

Haven’t seen him in 6 years. Followed him on instagram. He followed back. I messaged him first

I am actually interested in going for a drink and having sex, if I’m honest. Wonder if I should message next with ‘Would you like to go for a drink? I’m passing your way soon for work’ (that’s true)

His response to do you remember me was ‘of course! How could I forget :)’

His replied see to always follow up with a question that would then require me to respond.

But it’s been 48 hours since I first messaged him the original message and there’s about 8 or 9 messages in the entire chat. But the ones that are from him (and me) aren’t dry so it’s confusing

I take it he isn’t interested as there’s a lot of ‘if he wanted to, he would’ nowadays which is probably true.

He takes between 30 mins and 12 hours to reply

OP posts:
summitfever · 20/12/2025 18:24

Asking to go for a drink doesn’t necessarily have to imply anything other than old friends catching up so why make it a big deal? You might see him and think Christ no anyway so don’t put pressure on yourself! I recently met a guy from uni that I thought I might like but he’d totally changed and wasn’t for me at all. Every muscle in my body was screaming run away. So stop overthinking it and brand it as a basic catch up then see where it goes

TheTowerAtMidnight · 20/12/2025 18:28

If a random person I used to know was messaging me on Instagram, I wouldn't be replying that quickly either.

Original poster
Brownwithcameltotes · 20/12/2025 18:46

TheTowerAtMidnight · 20/12/2025 18:28

If a random person I used to know was messaging me on Instagram, I wouldn't be replying that quickly either.

So the advice to ask him for a drink isn’t good advice?

OP posts:
Catza · 20/12/2025 18:49

Brownwithcameltotes · 20/12/2025 18:46

So the advice to ask him for a drink isn’t good advice?

Show quote history

On reflection, I think it probably isn’t. If you feel so anxious over a pretty simple drink offer, this is not going to work out.

WrylyAmused · 20/12/2025 18:56

You are way way way overthinking this.

He's a guy you used to know, who you haven't spoken to for years, who you only just reconnected with online.

Ask him for a drink.
If he says no, move on. It's not some big rejection of you as a person, cos he doesn't know you at all as the person you are now, just as you don't know him.

If he says yes, then you can see when you're in person whether he flirts or there's any spark or connection there. There may not even be and all this angst would be for nothing.

If you want to meet people, make friends, etc, please endeavour to grow a thicker skin. Until you know someone well and have already formed a decent relationship with them, why should you waste all this time over analysing what they may or may not be thinking? It really doesn't matter. They become part of your life and then you come, over time, to care what they think. When they're not part of your life yet, they're just another random person, and their opinions don't need to affect you at all. And this attitude gives way more self confidence, which is much more attractive than anxiety.

Laiste · 20/12/2025 18:56

I think personally i might like to ask if he's single and would fancy meeting up sometime ?

Yoh don't want to waste time organising what you think is a date if he's happily married with 20 kids at home and thinks you'll just be drinking buddies ...

Ineffable23 · 20/12/2025 18:58

I'm early 30s and wouldn't say 30 minutes to 12 hours is a long time to reply, is it, especially if you haven't even met.

CandyCaneKisses · 20/12/2025 19:05

You’ve randomly approached him, had to ask if he remembers you and you expect him to be interested?

Throw in its Christmas and people have lives away from their phones. You seem a bit full on and expecting too much out of him.

333FionaG · 20/12/2025 19:07

I would be a bit concerned that he hasn't updated his instagram in over 4 years. What if he weighs 32 stone now?

Original poster
Brownwithcameltotes · 20/12/2025 19:52

333FionaG · 20/12/2025 19:07

I would be a bit concerned that he hasn't updated his instagram in over 4 years. What if he weighs 32 stone now?

lol surely that’s highly unlikely. Did make me laugh

OP posts:
Erin1975 · 20/12/2025 23:12

Brownwithcameltotes · 20/12/2025 18:46

So the advice to ask him for a drink isn’t good advice?

Show quote history

It's very good advice if you want to shag him. He probably has no idea you are interested in that way.

ThatHazelSnail · 20/12/2025 23:49

TheTowerAtMidnight · 20/12/2025 18:28

If a random person I used to know was messaging me on Instagram, I wouldn't be replying that quickly either.

Me neither! And I have to be honest, if a newly-ish divorced man I flirted with 6 years ago messaged me out of the blue looking for sex it would give me the ick 😬 vibrators and dating apps are the way to go lol.

Pryceosh1987 · 21/12/2025 03:04

Disinterest usually. But the person might be very busy. There are exceptions though. The person could be thinking very hard what to say.

Lurkingandlearning · 21/12/2025 05:34

As you’ve been catching up on your lives, wouldn’t it be a good idea to round that off by asking him if he is married or involved with someone. His answer might make anything else redundant.

HarlanPepper · 21/12/2025 05:49

Jesus! Just ask him for a drink. The worst that can happen is he says no - and then you know for sure he's not interested. You haven't lost anything, just saved yourself some time.

UxmalFan · 21/12/2025 05:53

Say you will be nearby on a couple of evenings in the new year and suggest a drink on one of them. If he says sorry he is busy without suggesting alternatives, you'll know he isn't interested. Which may be because he has a partner.

Meadowfinch · 21/12/2025 06:11

Endofyear · 20/12/2025 16:10

Maybe he's just someone who's not great at messaging? Ask him out for a drink, what's the worst that can happen? He can say no, or ignore the message and you'd be no worse off than you are now! And he might say yes ☺️

This. Especially if he hasn't updated his social media in four years.

Maybe he has a life, maybe he's busy and not surgically attached to his phone. Maybe he's flat out trying to get everything done before Xmas.
Just ask him out for a beer and he can say yes or no. Then you can stop worrying.

Original poster
Brownwithcameltotes · 21/12/2025 09:34

Meadowfinch · 21/12/2025 06:11

This. Especially if he hasn't updated his social media in four years.

Maybe he has a life, maybe he's busy and not surgically attached to his phone. Maybe he's flat out trying to get everything done before Xmas.
Just ask him out for a beer and he can say yes or no. Then you can stop worrying.

Edited
Show quote history

I was going to send ‘How would you feel about going for a drink? It would be nice to catch up properly’

But, he now hasn’t replied or read my last message in just over 24 hours… can I still send this?

OP posts:
summitfever · 21/12/2025 11:08

No wait til he replies.

TwistedWonder · 21/12/2025 13:25

No don’t chase a man who hadn’t bothered to respond to you.

See if he replies first before you ask him out fir a drink

If he was interested, I think he’d be more keen to respond than he is

Original poster
Brownwithcameltotes · 21/12/2025 16:11

Even though the last message I sent as a reply to him didn’t have a question?

OP posts:
conxray · 21/12/2025 18:34

You need to leave it now.
If he replies you can ask him for a drink and if he doesn't reply to your current message you have your answer anyway.

Original poster
Brownwithcameltotes · 21/12/2025 20:52

conxray · 21/12/2025 18:34

You need to leave it now.
If he replies you can ask him for a drink and if he doesn't reply to your current message you have your answer anyway.

The thing I get confused is posters kept telling me he is currently clueless I’m interested ‘in that way’. So why would he have reply to my last message that wasn’t open ended?

OP posts:
Catza · 21/12/2025 20:56

Brownwithcameltotes · 21/12/2025 20:52

The thing I get confused is posters kept telling me he is currently clueless I’m interested ‘in that way’. So why would he have reply to my last message that wasn’t open ended?

Show quote history

He doesn't have to reply. And he may not.
That's not the issue here. The issue is that you are coming across as being obsessive about the situation that doesn't at all demand it. Which is why you should completely step away from this. Regardless of whether he will message you or not.

TwistedWonder · 21/12/2025 21:07

Brownwithcameltotes · 21/12/2025 20:52

The thing I get confused is posters kept telling me he is currently clueless I’m interested ‘in that way’. So why would he have reply to my last message that wasn’t open ended?

Show quote history

Because if you message him again after he’s not replied to you, you will start yo come across that you’re chasing him and look a bit needy.

If he’s interested in you, he’ll reply