Uninvited for Xmas - WWYD?

[BigDogJR]

Last year for Xmas DH and I stayed with my DPs in a cottage near family and had Xmas day itself with my DSis and her family and then seeing various relatives in the days afterward. My Dbro said this year it was his turn to see my DPs so we said ok we’ll book a place again. We talked about where we’d stay and said the dates would be the same as last year. This was in October, then this week he’s said he’ll be having Xmas day just with his DP and their DC. Our DPs said hang on I thought we were coming to you? And he said we’d misunderstood and we’d see him on another day. The thing is we’ve passed the cancellation date to get a refund on the cottage for those dates. If we’d known at the time we would have had DPs to my house for Xmas day and travelled on the 26th. None of us really want to cook a full Xmas dinner in a rental kitchen when you need so many pans and bits and bobs (1st world problem I know). Would you be annoyed? He has form for being a bit flaky so I don’t know if that’s clouding my judgment. But it’s the first time he’s turned it on other people, saying we made a mistake. My DM remembers discussing the Turkey with him as DPs were going to pay for it. So we will have DPs to mine for Xmas day. But I’m a bit tempted to not see him over Xmas which is really petty I know. How would you respond?

Sorry I can’t make head nor tail

Who has been uninvited and by whom?

Surely his DP are your DPs?? Can’t make sense of who is / isn’t invited where.

Why can’t you go to the cottage and DPs have Christmas together?

Can you sell on the booking maybe?
And your thread was quite easy to navigate op!!
Db is a knob.

I don't know why others don't understand your post.

Your DB invite you and your DP to his for Christmas day. Now he's saying you misunderstood and that it wasn't for Christmas dya but a different day, but you have already booked accommodation yes.

Have your DP to your for Christmas day and don't buy your DB anything for Christmas say you spent it on the accommodation as you thought you would be at his.

Your brother has mis-stepped here.
I would still go to the cottage for Christmas and have the time away with your parents as planned. Rethink Christmas dinner so it's less cumbersome for cooking perhaps? Or do the full Christmas dinner at yours another time. See it as an opportunity to create new traditions and celebrations.

You didn’t see your brother last year. So I don’t think either you or him would be particularly bothered if you don’t see each other this year.

In fact as far as I can see, he said he wanted to spend Christmas with DPs. He didn’t mention anyone else.

Whats your sister doing?

*My Dbro said this year it was his turn to see my DPs so we said ok we’ll book a place again
did he invite you op?

Has there been a misunderstanding that he wanted only your parents? And now that it’s going to be more people he’s pulled the plug?

Go to the cottage and enjoy it and either buy everything pre-done or book a pub to go and eat out perhaps?

That is what I’m wondering

I do wish people would stop using the stupid ‘dp’ shortenings as in this case it’s being used for parent and partner as far as I can tell which is why the post reads so poorly . As for the issue , it doesn’t read like you were ever invited @BigDogJR , he only wanted your parents and you have scuppered that by adding yourself in probably . Just go to the cottage and eat out on Christmas Day or eat something that you can cook easily in the kitchen .

Your DB invite you and your DP to his for Christmas day. Now he's saying you misunderstood and that it wasn't for Christmas dya but a different day, but you have already booked accommodation yes.

Yes this is it. I thought I was doing well using all the right acronyms🤦🏻‍♀️

I did see DBro last year, just not on Xmas day. Also I was definitely included in the original invite, I promise I don’t just invite myself places. I will ask DBro if that’s the issue though as DH and I could drive them up (as DPs don’t drive long distances anymore) and drop them off to DBro and DH and I could go out somewhere.

Yeah that’s what I was thinking. Bro wanted to see parents. Not necessarily you. But you went ahead and booked anyway on the assumption it also included you? Did you check?

Any reason why your DB didn’t get together with his parents last year?

do you get on with him? Close to him?

Ah cross post, you replied as I was typing OP.

My brother did see my parents last year, just not on Xmas day.

My dad did the booking. I am wondering now if my parents presumed DH and I were invited as we’ll drive them up.

Ah we are getting somewhere!

So DB never explicitly said to you along the lines…. I would love to have DPs over for Christmas and you @BigDogJR and your husband?

I would assume there's something going on at home with your Db and they want a quiet Christmas. Y s annoying but I would probably not give him a hard time.

I'd either a) cancel the rental completely and invoice him for the lost fee or b) stay at home on the 25th then travel up to the rental with DH and parents on Boxing Day.

But it sounds as though your DB isn't fussed about seeing any of you, so option a) might be your best bet.

Did your brother ever actually invite you?

Sounds as though he invited parents, never once speaking with you or mentioning you, and your dad assumed you were invited too

You shouldn’t have to spend your Christmas shuttling your parents around. If your brother wants just your parents to visit, he should come pick them up himself.

So your parents are staying in the cottage with you?

Honestly, I'd just do Christmas dinner in the cottage and make the best of it.

I wouldn't spoil the Christmas period by sulking at brother, I'd just have a chat with husband and parents about what we want to eat (doesn't even have to be traditional Christmas dinner or a mega fancy dinner with loads of dishes, its a glorified Sunday roast. You could even bring some of your own pans) and have a lovely Christmas period in the cottage and see if brother is hosting another day

but I’m a bit tempted not to see him over Christmas

Isn’t that precisely what he wants?!