Do you actually believe there is someone for everyone?

[Idontthinkibelonghere]

Meaning relationship wise.

I was reading (under different user name) an old thread of mine, talking how I’m not dealing with being life-long single well at all, there were so many comments of stating the title, thiught it was bs people say, and now years later that thread, can’t say that there’s been anything that would change my mind.

Yes I agree with that point. Some individuals who turn away from relationships do that because they have difficulty sharing emotions. But there will be others that will have emotional supportive relationships with siblings and friends etc.

No. I’ve been married twice, had children with the second, been passionately in love with one man since, and I’m just happier and healthier when I’m not half of a couple. I’ve nobody but myself to please, nor to disappoint, and I never want to share my bed with another human as long as I live.

Oh I think there most definitely are multiple
people that would be well suited for each person. But they don’t always meet or they meet and other factors are in the way.

For instance my best friend met someone when she was married and he was single and it was blindingly obvious to several of us that he would’ve been perfect for her. But she loved her husband and didn’t stray. Years later she was divorced and he was married. Then his wife died and he has moved to another country to be nearer his adult child and grandchild. She is single and confined here because she is a carer and also because of her very successful career.
Realistically they aren’t ever going to be together so no-one knows what might’ve been. But he was definitely right for her, but the situation wasn’t.

I’m mid divorce and no intention of starting again but my ex wasn’t wrong for me. There was no cheating/abuse-we just had life events that got in the way. But I will always love him. I expect he will find someone else as he is shit on his own. I’m more independent. If he remarries it won’t be because I was wrong and she is right-we both were if that makes sense.

So just because someone is permanently single it doesn’t mean that there was no-one for them. Perhaps actual psychopaths excluded. I don’t think people with personality disorders count.

I think that people can be right for someone but not always forever. So in your case, there were 3 people “for you”. They weren’t wrong, just right temporarily.

Other people will view it as none were right. But I prefer the more positive stance.

I certainly hear you on preferring being single though. Can’t bloody wait for my divorce.

No, there are probably hundreds of people in the UK alone that i could probably be quite happily married to and who would have liked to have married. There just happened to be one them living not far from me and who met in bar in my twenties.

That one special person out there for you is bollocks.

There will have been one when you were young & lovely, but were you holding out for something better ?

Yes, but you’ll probably have to compromise.

No, I think from what I’ve seen in experience, some people really struggle to hold down relationships and it’s just a facet of their personality. It might work for a while with someone but long term relationships aren’t for everyone. There are many other meaningful relationships people can have in their life, it’s not a necessity for everyone to have a romantic life partner in my opinion.

I was thinking about this the other day and that if there is my poor guy...he's not ever actually going to meet me. I don't put myself in a position to be hurt by men these days, after 30 years of trying. I did feel a bit sorry for him but I have too many other responsibilities now to focus on finding him. My pleasure and by association his, are at the bottom of the pile.
This is what happens when women aren't looked after in society but have to do all of the looking after.

No I don’t think there is one person but if I’m being honest some (not all by any means) of the people I know who are single for a long time have some work to do on themselves.

Two of my friends lament their singleness but their behaviour in all sorts of relationships means that people tend to hold them at arms length which is a pity for them because they are actually very very nice in other ways.

It is not just they haven’t met the one, they meet people regularly but they are not in a place where they are able to behave in ways that other people can tolerate in a relationship and that energy gets picked up very early by the people they date where they are smothering and overwhelming in close relationships. The opposite at the other end of the spectrum are extreme avoidants.

Obviously nobody says this to their faces because they would not be able to tolerate that but it is an issue for them and they have been told versions of it as relationships end which they don’t accept.

You must have seen, every single day, people who would not by convention be considered a 'hot commodity' who are happily out and about with their partners.

So of course people don't have to be a 'hot commodity', as you put it, to have a long-term partner. Obviously it depends what they want from their partner, though - realistically, a woman who is not conventionally beautiful, works a minimum wage job in an abattoir, has a personality disorder and spends every weekend playing with her collection of ultra-realistic reborn baby dolls is unlikely to find a 'man in finance, with a trust fund, six five, blue eyes' type as the song goes, so if that's the only type of man she's attracted to, there isn't someone out there for her.

Yes, this is what I meant, I did try to correct in a follow-up comment, but it seems people only read the first post, that’s why this thread went off topic 😕. Or pretty much saying aingle people are single only because there is something wrong with them or chooses to be one. 🤷🏽‍♀️

Absolutely not.

I’ll all just luck and compromise. For everyone.

I think most people are capable of finding someone, yeah. You only have to watch Jeremy Kyle to see that you don't have to be a supermodel to have people fighting over you lmao.

The higher your standards are and the less social you are the longer your search may be, but realistically there's going to be several people out there in the world you could have a happy relationship with.

No I don't think there ever was. I had three very awful relationships, one with a much older man who treated me very badly, he trafficked me - the other two "only" cheated and emotionally bullied me. My parents were my blueprint and their relationship was horrible.
I never actually had a relationship where I was treated well or as an equal. My daughter's father I would have said was a good man but he left me pregnant because he changed his mind. He'd had another woman behind my back and left with her.

Sounds bloody pathetic doesn't it oh well. I'm happy as I am and I'm not bringing strange men into my daughter's life.

Odds in favour of yes most definitely

First, I’m so sorry what you’ve been through.

And second, no, I don’t think it sound pathetic. If for no other reason than that if it is, then what am I?! I never even got to be in a relationship and going to be 40 soon, so I can kiss goodbye to ever having kids. You have your daughter, that is so lovely! All the best.

I just watched a drama series called Soulmates on Prime. It has a few interesting takes on the idea of “the one”. You might enjoy it.

As a PP If there is someone out there for everyone the chances of meeting them are very slim. I think that’s more cruel than encouraging.

Nope. I believe there is nobody for me. I don’t mind in the least.

And there are people for whom there are many potential partners.

Of course not, in a world of over 8bn people how would you ever find them?

I used to think so - but then my marriage broke down and although I met someone else a couple of years later, he died. Ex is happily remarried. I've been alone now for over 3 years and firmly believe that if I did have a knight in shining armour who was destined for me, he has fallen off his horse in the middle of the enchanted forest and is lost forever. Like a PP said, I don't really want anyone as then I would have to consider them and talk to them and they would expect things from me. I'm happy with my dog.

Sorry - I didn't read your further updates.

I think finding someone you are compatible with (and are prepared to compromise for) gets harder as you get older. People becomes happier on their own and less prepared to bend to fit with someone else. So I don't think there is any guarantee of finding someone but equally if you keep trying and keep an open mind I would say there is always a decent chance of finding someone you want to share your life with.

I will answer the question you asked, not the one most people have thought you asked.

No, I think some people go through life, contented or not, without finding another person they could fall in love with. I have a friend, now in her 70's, she never found anyone. She did try in her 20's and 30's....but nothing worked out.

Other people can meet several 'ones', who if the circumstances are right, would make ideal partners for them.
Most settle for one, at least onE at a time.

@Idontthinkibelonghere thank you.
I don't think you're at all pathetic either. It's just the luck of the draw. ♥️

I think it just depends how much of other people’s BS you are prepared to put up with. I wouldn’t do it again.