Did your parents sleep separately?

[Bdrm]

Without giving context or a reason why I’m considering this, please can people tell me if your parents slept in separate rooms when you were growing up? What were the reasons why and do you feel that impacted you in any way? Like did it skew your view of relationships or anything like that? Also are your parents still together? TIA

No. My aunt and uncle did though. No idea why. They had five kids and she was devoted to him til the day he died.

One of my ex boyfriend's parents slept separately, and my ex was always really ashamed of the fact. I assumed it was because they didn't like each other (turns out I was right). When I was growing up, we were a family of 5 in a 4 bed house so when us kids all lived at home my parents couldn't sleep separately. They do now due to my dad's horrendous snoring and have done probably for about 5 years now. Still very much together, in love and happy. Have been married for something ridiculous like 36 years and are just about in their 60s. Because of my previous experience of my ex being so ashamed and his parents quite obviously hating eachother I assumed my parents weren't happy. They were, they just valued their sleep and had the room to have separate rooms.

My husband and I (33&34 married for 6 years, together for 8) have recently started sleeping in separate rooms due to our second baby being born and my husband doing shift work. He also snores terribly and I am such a light sleeper he's at risk of me smothering him if he continuously wakes me up in the night in between the night feeds!!

My parents started sleeping in separate rooms because they weren’t getting on. They divorced a few years later.

My husband and I sleep in separate rooms but have no plans to separate or divorce. We are just not very compatible when it comes to preferences for eg room temperature, windows being open or closed, and light.

One set of grandparents slept separately and I didn’t even remember until I was in my 30’s when my sister mentioned it 😂

No, they share a bed. But dad's snoring and dreaming doesn't help with mum's sleep issues.
Married nearly 50 years

My parents slept together and divorced.

Another couple I know sleep in the same room but separate beds. I don't know why. I don't think they seem very happy together. Tbh I wouldn't mind sleeping in separate beds though - I don't like sleeping whilst spooning or anything, I find it uncomfortable and hot.

Another couple I know have always had separate rooms due to terrible snoring. In this situation I'd go for separate rooms too.

Nope, they slept in the same room in a double bed.

Until my older siblings left home, there wouldn’t have been enough bedrooms for my parents to have one each anyway, but even when it was just the two of them in a four bedroom house they still slept in the same room and bed, up until my dad had to go into a care home. They were married up until my dad died two months ago.

My parents slept in the same bed and still do. I grew up in a poor bit of London (me and most of my friends and relatives in council flats) and no one I knew had the luxury of having an extra bedroom for parents to sleep separately.

Now I sleep in the same bed as DH, and in some ways we're not suited to sleeping in the same room (temperature, bedtimes, reading in bed) but I'd miss the intimacy (I mean being close physically, not sex) of not sharing a bed and waking up together.

My parents shared a bed until I went to uni but I think it broke my Mum's mental and physical health as Dad is an awful snorer and she was constantly tired from not sleeping. I remember as a kid she would be really sleepy while driving and if she ever took me to an activity like swimming she would be asleep in the watching seats. Its awful now to think that she spent 20+ years damaging her health (and even putting us at risk eg falling asleep at the wheel) just because there was a taboo about separate rooms. I also worry that it might contribute to dementia and other serious health issues.

DH snores and we sleep separately. I tried really hard to make it work for a year or so but it started to affect my health. I decided I would wake him up to get him to turn over every time he snored and funnily enough once I started doing that he realised what a problem it was and was happy for us to sleep separately. We even get two rooms if we stay in a hotel otherwise I will not get any sleep - particularly because the stress of knowing that I will be lying there listening to him snore all night means I cannot get to sleep in the first place.

I think its so common nowadays but a lot of people still feel shame about it. In terms of the kids they know that it is because DH snores - neither of them will share a room with him either!

Only when they were older due to DF’s snoring

They did in the last few years of their marriage, they were divorced not long after.

My parents shared a bed until my dad died. DP and I often sleep separately - particularly if one of us is ill with eg a cold. He’s a terrible snorer, and even me sleeping with earplugs doesn’t knock it out. We have space so it would be daft not to.

Mine did till the divorce. On the other hand my grandparents had separate rooms and were happily married till they died. One of my mums friends has a separate bedroom to her husband and recons it’s way more romantic, plus they both sleep better, and they have been happily married for over 50 years.

My parents slept in the same bed and divorced when I was 16. My in-laws have always had separate bedrooms and are still together and happy.

We go to bed together but most of the time I wake up in the morning and DH is in the spare bedroom. He often wakes in the middle of the night and then can’t get back to sleep so goes into the spare bedroom to listen to the radio and eventually dozes off there.

I think sleep is so important. If you need to sleep in separate bedrooms to ensure a good nights rest then so be it.

My parents sleep in different rooms. Once my brother moved out, his room was turned into my dad's room. They've been married for 55 years. This might be the reaosn for it. Awkward working hours, snoring, sleep apnea and getting up to pwe every few hours. It has not affected me, except that I don't put much emphasis on the meaning of sleeping arrangements. If comparison my bf thinks sharing a bed is super important keeping both of us awake where as I don't see the issue movie to sofa when sick or can't sleep etc.

Notlw that i thibk about it both my grandparents slept in separate rooms when they got older and had the space once the kids had moved out.

Me & my girlfriend often sleep separately. It's always a battle to see who gets to sleep first. We both snore from having broken noses in the past, hers from a trampolining accident and mine from the odd scrap here and there. She hates being woke up so I have a roll up foam mattress and just go and doss in the sitting room. Works OK for us.

Yes, starting when I was 14 or 15 & we had a larger house.

My parents did sleep in the same room. It’s only in the last few years they haven’t, but they are 82 and 87.

Mine slept separately from when I was about 11
If they go away they even have separate hotel rooms (but they don’t do that much

They do not get on and yes it affected my own idea of marriage (they have been together over 55 years now though!)

my parents are in their 70s , separate rooms for last few years , mum is a huge fidget since menopause and my dad snores like a train . Otherwise very happily married

I don’t sleep in same room as hubby. He has sleep apnoea and snores like a jumbo jet. He has a CPAP machine but doesn’t use it as it’s uncomfortable for him. He also thrashes about a lot in his sleep. I have a job that I need to be well rested for. We have had seperate bedrooms for about the last 8 years. I couldn’t function on very little sleep. It was that or he’d have ended up under the patio 😂😂

No because there were no spare bedrooms, I know that both wanted to. Dad snored like a train and went to bed early, and mum was a night owl.

dh and I cannot sleep in the same room for pretty much the same reasons.

Does he know hes risking a heart attack by not using that machine. They take some getting used to, but you do get used to it.

He could lose his driving licence if he has untreated sleep apnea

Mine have always slept in separate beds- they are still together now, but i can count on one hand the amount of times I saw some affection between them growing up - I remember 20 yrs ago when I met my in laws being shocked at how loving they were with each other! I realised that my parents relationship was not what I wanted for myself.

it depends generally on:

*class (landed gentry friends sleep separately) also have houses to accommodate extra rooms etc & think it’s perfectly normal.

*snoring or other distraction

in my case a shared bed is important for a strong healthy relationship. Human touch etc etc The spare room is available if one of us needs it on a rare occasion. But if snoring became unbearable we would find a medical solution. I release some medical issues can’t be easily managed for someone to share a bed.

I do think children notice and talk with their friends. I guess it’s whether the non-sleeping together spouses show affection together infront of the children at other times.