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Original poster

Age gap relationship + upset kids

100 replies

sheffex91 · 03/12/2025 17:56

So I've been in a 3 year relationship with my partner. I am 32 and he is 55. I have no children and he does from a previous marriage. One of his children is the same age as myself and that has caused a lot of problems. Said child has now said her dad is "pathetic/disgusting and weak" and sadly used a word that insinuates he likes very young women (which is far from the truth as we met when I was 29) and this has upset him.

I appreciate age gap relationships come with opinions and a lot of which are negative, I respect peoples opinions but we have also encountered really warm and caring opinions from people.

As a side note, we strive to keep our relationship private. We never broadcast it to anyone, his relationship with his kids and myself is separate and we keep it private not because of embarrassment or shame, but more because it's the type of people we are.

My partner is now asking whether the relationship should continue because a couple of children aren't happy about it. Was I silly to think the two could co-exist? I am of the mindset that if we have had 3 and bit years together that there is hope and I know he thinks there is too. However, he has his kids in the back of his mind telling him he is a failure for dating me.

Has anyone had this happen? Or am I on this merry go round of stupidness by myself?

thanks in advance!

OP posts:
Original poster
sheffex91 · 04/12/2025 10:25

TappaMcFeety · 04/12/2025 10:17

Oh that old cliche… ‘the old abusive ex wife’ but lucky guy, he’s had his heart healed by a much younger woman.

Appreciate you may see it that way but I don't think your heart ever gets "healed" from abuse.

OP posts:
TheIceBear · 04/12/2025 10:34

At your age I’d look for someone with less baggage sorry but it just sounds far too complicated .

eqpi4t2hbsnktd · 04/12/2025 10:51

Might be a bit awkward but everyone's an adult here. Everyone should act like adults.

TheEllisGreyMethod · 04/12/2025 11:15

I don't believe anyone can honestly say their parent being in a relationship with someone there age wouldn't give them the ick.
I would be appalled, I'm 32 and if my dad took home a new girlfriend who was also 32 I would look at him through a seriously different light.

BauhausOfEliott · 04/12/2025 11:32

TappaMcFeety · 04/12/2025 10:17

Oh that old cliche… ‘the old abusive ex wife’ but lucky guy, he’s had his heart healed by a much younger woman.

Did you not see the part where he'd been divorced for over a decade before he met the OP, or indeed the part where it was her who asked him out, not the other way round?

He wasn't a married man whose head was turned by a much younger woman and spun her a 'my wife doesn't understand me' line.

And why is it so incomprehensible to you that a man might leave a relationship because his partner is abusive? Plenty of women are abusive. I've known several friends and two close relatives whose wives/girlfriends have been abusive, including physical abuse in two cases. If I can tell my DP that my ex-boyfriend was coercive and violent, why can't a man do the equivalent?

Dollymylove · 04/12/2025 11:45

These adult offspring come across as entitled brats.
Its not really anymore their business.
Insinuating he is a kiddy fiddler for dating a 32 year old woman is school playground stuff. I bet if they suddenly discovered you were a multi millionaire they would be all over you like a rash.
Tell them to bore off 😬

fedupposter · 04/12/2025 12:15

At 32 his daughter has no say in her dad’s relationships or sex life. She can be upset about it but she doesn’t get to dictate what a 55 year old man can and cannot do.

DinoDoughnut81 · 04/12/2025 13:14

I don't think age gap relationships are inherently wrong but are more difficult especially if there are same aged children as one partner. Is there any reason though why this has become an issue now when you've already been together for 3 years and you were both upfront about age difference from the start? Is this the only reason his children have for disliking your relationship? Have they got other concerns or has anything else come up? Or is it just purely the fact you are younger than your partner? Seems odd otherwise that his daughter is saying awful things now...

CurlewKate · 04/12/2025 13:45

Did I miss his kids’ ages?

Original poster
sheffex91 · 04/12/2025 13:58

CurlewKate · 04/12/2025 13:45

Did I miss his kids’ ages?

Ages are 33 & 35

OP posts:
Devuelta81 · 04/12/2025 14:13

TheCurious0range · 03/12/2025 22:22

The age gap is the same as me and my mum, I'm 41, she's just had a hip replacement, I can't imagine having a partner that much older. Having said that it's clearly worked for the last 3 years and you can enjoy it until you don't

Agree (I know this isn't the question you asked, and you say you don't think much about how it will be when you're older, but I think, unless you are not seeing this as long term, you probably should?)

I almost married someone 17 years older. We broke up for other reasons, but sometimes it did play on my mind how it would be when I was mid 40s and he was early 60s. Now I am mid 40s and I'm SO glad I'm not with him, we would be at completely different life stages. I do think that age gaps start to feel wider as you get older, unfortunately. You really could end up effectively being his carer while you are still young yourself, and if you're not up for that then for both your sakes I'd give the relationship some serious thought.

deardeb · 04/12/2025 14:20

"One of his children is the same age as myself "

That is all i need to know, I do not know how you guys do it but I would never think of anyone that is my child's age in an intimate way. What do you have in common to talk about?

deardeb · 04/12/2025 14:21

fedupposter · 04/12/2025 12:15

At 32 his daughter has no say in her dad’s relationships or sex life. She can be upset about it but she doesn’t get to dictate what a 55 year old man can and cannot do.

do the same with your kids and I bet it will affect how they look at you or even affect your overall relationship.

Just do it and see for yourself

Beachtastic · 04/12/2025 14:23

As long as you're happy, everyone else can fuck off. 🤷🏻‍♀️

deardeb · 04/12/2025 14:25

Put it this way, imagine when you are his age, your partner would be aged 1 in 2025; what would you have in common with that person?

Both adults I GET IT but this always comes off strange to me

Beachtastic · 04/12/2025 14:29

deardeb · 04/12/2025 14:25

Put it this way, imagine when you are his age, your partner would be aged 1 in 2025; what would you have in common with that person?

Both adults I GET IT but this always comes off strange to me

I think it depends on the lives you've lived. My DH wasn't even born when I was doing "adult" things, and yet we have more in common than with anyone else we've ever met. Weird I know!

Original poster
sheffex91 · 04/12/2025 15:07

deardeb · 04/12/2025 14:20

"One of his children is the same age as myself "

That is all i need to know, I do not know how you guys do it but I would never think of anyone that is my child's age in an intimate way. What do you have in common to talk about?

We're very lucky in the respect that we get along so well. We enjoy the same things, music, film, cooking, travel. We just get on, simply as that, I'm happy not doing much with this person which I always take as a good sign personally.

OP posts:
Jumpers4goalposts · 04/12/2025 19:25

What’s your relationship with your Dad like?

Whats your DP’s relationship with his DC if you are not part of the picture?

Just feel like you’re dating you Dad and he’s dating his child, maybe as a way to make good poor relationships in real life.

hattie43 · 04/12/2025 19:55

I think it was inevitable that his children the same age as you would have an issue . You should have forseen that .

BeNoisyFish · 04/12/2025 20:04

Honestly it is yucky and you're wasting your life away. There are younger men who don't want marriage and kids without a huge age gap and (rightly) upset children your own age and where you're not kept like a dirty secret.

BeNoisyFish · 04/12/2025 20:05

It just sounds like you have daddy issues and now contributing to other children's daddy issues 😫

Beachtastic · 04/12/2025 20:22

Not all age-gap relationships are mirroring a parent/child dynamic...

hattie43 · 04/12/2025 20:24

Beachtastic · 04/12/2025 20:22

Not all age-gap relationships are mirroring a parent/child dynamic...

I agree if there are no children involved .

EvelynBeatrice · 04/12/2025 20:25

Suggest they watch the US sitcom ‘Modern Family’!

AnneKipankitoo · 04/12/2025 20:26

Difficult. End it.