Could you forgive this?

[TurkeyLurkeyChickenLicken]

Argument with DH (over something minor) and he leaves. Disappears for 48 hours with zero contact, i had been blocked so unable to contact him although he now says I should have emailed He says he found my wedding ring on the side when he came back so took that to mean our marriage was over.

A week later he tells me that during that time he spent an entire day getting drunk in the pub to drown his sorrows and then ended up kissing another woman. He says he didn't have sex with her and I believe that.

Do you have children? I would find it very hard to forgive disappearing like that but also would be less inclined to continue a relationship with someone who behaved in such a way.
The kissing is also not ok, of course. Again what is in it for you now?

Nope.

What was the argument over? This is a very extreme reaction to something minor. I don't think I would be able to stay in a marriage with somebody that reacts like this.

Yes, we have teen DC.

He is very much the avoidance type and any conflict and he flees. Usually takes about 2 days to come back round but usually there is contact between us. Just not this time.

Sounds like you cant view this incident in isolation but should look at whats going on with your entire marriage xx

Nope. 🚩🚩 How long have you been married? DC? Unforgivable in my book

Nope. 🚩🚩 How long have you been married? DC? Unforgivable in my book

Nope. 🚩🚩 How long have you been married? DC? Unforgivable in my book

Nope. 🚩🚩 How long have you been married? DC? Unforgivable in my book

Do you know what, it was something so petty and pathetic that I can't even remember.

I will add DH hasn't always behaved like this. We have been together 17 years and this has been his behaviour for about the last 18 months or so.

Maybe he has checked out, who knows?

Honestly no, not just the kissing (and probably shagging let's be honest) but the entire behaviour. I cannot deal with grown adults who have temper tantrums and storm out of their lives and block everyone like a fucking teenager, it's too much hassle and deeply, deeply unattractive.

Does he usually walk out after minor arguments? Does he have form for drinking heavily? As in, is this completely out of character or a usual pattern of behaviour. Because for me that’s where it would come in if I could forgive it or not.

Where did he stay for this 48 hours?

There are so many issues in just this one post OP!

He thought the marriage was over as he saw your ring on the side?

He blocked you?

And then he disappeared for two days and claims he kissed (but not slept with) another woman.

No OP, this is not a good marriage.

I'd be more inclined to believe that he initiated the row, or manipulated you into reacting to something so he felt justified in walking out and going NC for two days so that he could spend that time with his OW. Especially when he's claiming you are in the wrong for not emailing when he blocked you. What a dick.

I would choose not to forgive that.

I've just seen your latest post. Yes, it's sounding rather scripty

His behaviour isn't acceptable.

The blocking you... the disappearing and now he's adding in chatting up and kissing other women. What's his next disappearance going to involve?

Does he know this isn't acceptable?

I'd struggle with this behaviour. Therapy might help.

He's totally disrespectful towards you.

We cross posted, not isolated incident. No, I’d be done. It’s almost like he engineered it so he could have 2 days “off” to do whatever he liked. Fuck that.

This. What a stupid man child.

He stayed in a hotel which i have seen on our bank statement so I know that is true.

He does like a drink but doesn't usually get drunk to that extent, just a few beers with friends after a rugby game etc.

He says he was just in "fuck you" mode after finding my wedding ring on the side. I didn't really feel like wearing it after he left and blocked me tbh. And I would understand him blocking me if he had a reason, like I was sending him abuse by text but that is never the case if anything its the other way around.

What makes you believe he is telling the truth that he did not sleep with the woman he admitted to kissing?

Take some time and think about what else has changed over the last 18 months.

18 months of this kind of shit? No I couldn't get over it. A one off, maybe, but this is a pattern.

Definitely no OW, that i do know.

He says he found this woman's phone in the pub, went to find her and she was so grateful she basically came on to him and he didn't say no. She was also very drunk. Says they kissed for a few mins and then he came to his senses and stopped.

Very unusual behaviour for him, he is actually very shy and quite introverted!

And what does he propose to do about this behaviour in the future?

Does he acknowledge that this is a bizarre way for an adult human to react? Has he apologised and outlined what steps he’s going to take so it doesn’t happen again, like how he’ll approach things differently or get therapy?

Had you taken off your wedding ring and left it on the side?

He has recently admitted to having some mental health issues and has gone to the doctor this week and been prescribed anti-depressants. He seems to be in self destruct mode but I am being dragged along for the ride.

I don’t think he just kissed someone… you’re being naive

Of course he says he doesn't WANT to behave that way towards me and says he will make sure it doesn't happen again. He has been very apologetic but that we are definitely done going on about it now, he says it happened and we need to move on instead of living in the past.

Yes I took my wedding ring off and left it on the side. I had taken one of our DC to a college open day and he came back and found it whilst I was out.