Could you forgive this?

[TurkeyLurkeyChickenLicken]

Argument with DH (over something minor) and he leaves. Disappears for 48 hours with zero contact, i had been blocked so unable to contact him although he now says I should have emailed He says he found my wedding ring on the side when he came back so took that to mean our marriage was over.

A week later he tells me that during that time he spent an entire day getting drunk in the pub to drown his sorrows and then ended up kissing another woman. He says he didn't have sex with her and I believe that.

They can be very believable @TurkeyLurkeyChickenLicken . They often 'admit' to a lesser crime so they can judge your reaction and decide how they're going to proceed. Everything they do is about minimising hassle for them whilst getting away with whatever they want to do. He is his sole interest, remember that.

like I was sending him abuse by text but that is never the case if anything its the other way around.

The more you say the more I think you'd be better off without this 'man' in your life

Nope. Petty argument and he leaves, goes to the pub and snogs a random. Pathetic especially in a long marriage with kids. I would be fuming and he'd pay for that 😤

I think a day or two to cool off is okay but only if it’s communicated that’s what happening and that you are going to have a conversation when emotions have cooled.

No contact, getting drunk and kissing someone else.

Absolutley not.

that “fuck you” mentality he says he was in is toxic and destructive and he needs to understand and own that.

its not okay.

Has he apologised to your DC for going AWOL? Were they upset that dad disappeared or is this normal for them?

Nope. Seems like he caused an argument over something petty because he wanted to go to the pub... Ended up meeting this woman and stayed in a hotel ..unlikely alone ... or it was planned to meet her and stay in a hotel already so caused an argument with you to leave.

Either way up and leaving with no communication is pathetic. You can't just opt out of being a father .. well he can because he knew you would be there.

These men make me sick. I'd have no respect left for him at all.

Why didn't he come home as soon as he kissed this woman if he felt bad?. Still stayed in a hotel didn't he... Even his lies are weak!

The arguement an excuse to do a bolt and the rest is a follow on.
Nope not acceptable no matter the excuses offered up as a reason.

Oh, come on now.

He found a strange phone that had no password or biometric protection? And was able to get her info out of it?

I have a large bridge for sale cheap.

Get STI testing.

His story has more holes in it than a swiss cheese.

Nope. It’d be 100% over.

Couldn’t be doing with a stroppy, petty man-boy.

His whole story is BS.
My guess would be he has been seeing someone else (much more common than we like to think).. he spent the time away from you drinking and then with OW. Whether this is an affair or sex he has paid for, who knows. But he orchestrated this whole suspicious 48 hours of freedom.

No, but you do you.
I would be getting my ducks in a row and copying paperwork.
His behaviour is escalating and he thinks he gets to decide how long you are upset for.
He's a cheater, and I wouldn't trust him for a minute.
He is abusing you by going missing.
No way would i forgive that.

Honestly OP it seems this was completely planned on his part so he could go spend the night in a hotel with another woman. It is not an uncommon tactic. Out of the blue he just storms off and blocks you? And he has children he just abandoned, hell no. Drinking your sorrows and finding a phone and the owner, oh please. He wouldn't have been able to unlock it. It isn't even plausible. You know he planned this, right?

And then he came home and found your ring and assumed it was over? What about your marriage when he was screwing around with another woman? No to all of this OP. He is a weak and spineless man who flounced off and blocked his family for two days. He can be mad at you but absolutely not can he block you. What if there was an emergency?

I would tell him yes definitely the marriage is over. He is lying and I wouldn't trust a word he says. Get your ducks in a row and tell him to leave. And get an STI test ASAP. Without a doubt you should not believe he didn't have sex with her. He didn't come to his senses and stop kissing her or else he would have come home! No good man disappears after a minor argument, blocks his wife and then drinks and shacks up with another woman. You deserve better than this giant man child.

This is total BS.

LTB

Definitely no other woman, that I do know

It amazes me that people can be so absolutely sure about this. You don’t know that, you really don’t.

This doesn’t add up… seriously, why put up with this behaviour?

I’m sure I share the views of many posters, he’s lying, he orchestrated a fall out so he could go and spend time with OW and it’ll be more than kissing. It’s really text book stuff. They minimise as a half truth is more easily covered up than a lie.

Time to protect yourself and your interests.

I’m so sorry this is an awful thing to deal with.

If he values his marriage, then he will take the anti depressants and get counselling to understand why he goes AWOL when he doesn’t get his own way. He will also apologise for his behaviour.

Otherwise, it looks a lot like a man who punishes you by disappearing when you don’t toe his line. Inevitably you start to back away from small disagreements for fear you will trigger a disappearing act again.

It’s not on, it’s a way of controlling you.

It’s very VERY hard to knock off your own rose tinted glasses when it comes to your husband/partner. His current unfaithful behaviour clearly contradicts everything @TurkeyLurkeyChickenLicken knows about her husband so she’s struggling to square the hole. I’ve been there, I remember believing the kissing story. I knew my husband was quiet, kind, selfless, a little shy, so kissing I could believe. But no, the truth was much much worse than that. Feel stupid admitting it now.

This.

I think I’d say since he’s serious this won’t happen again, he won’t mind going to a lawyer and signing a generous legal separation agreement that becomes effective next time he goes awol, and includes immediately losing his access to the family home and authorising you to change the locks.

This sounds like total bullshit.

Pulling the old “get prescribed anti depressants so my wife stops quizzing me because of my delicate nature”.

I'm sorry OP but I think he's cheating and I think that this was planned. My assumption is based on the following:

• argument over something petty shouldn't lead to him leaving for 48 hours and not telling you where he's going (especially as you have a DC). How would he even figure out where to go so quickly? Having 'time out' is absolutely fine in times of conflict and to stop an argument from escalating but there should be communication, i.e. 'im staying at a friend's house tonight, I will call you/come back tomorrow when we both cool down'. He didn't do this, sounds to me like he planned it and wanted you to not contact him for a couple of days so he could be with OW in peace. Him blocking you is a MASSIVE read flag. What if there was an emergency?! This man does not give a f**.
• - his story sounds absolutely ridiculous.

Let's say even if he did find someone's phone and magically unlocked it to figure out whose it was... As a woman, seriously, would it be your first reaction to make out with someone who found your phone? Some random dude who just came up to you? No. I think it's very unlikely.

• I don't believe that there was just kissing. A cheating partner will always give you only a little fraction of the real story. Just enough to try and make it believable but not enough to make his actions completely unforgivable in your eyes. I think there's more to this story. All seems rather calculated.
• The emergence of his mental health issues could also be a sign of something going on in his life that you don't know about. Not necessarily an affair of course but in this odd context it could be that? Or guilt making him feel low? I'm not sure.

These are assumptions of course but I would dig for answers.

I'm guessing the petty argument over nothing was one he started? Maybe you couldn't quite see why it was turning into an argument? Were a bit baffled by the whole thing?

I find the assumption that every man is cheating or intending to cheat quite tiresome at times on here but this is too easy. Whether it was a woman he already knew or someone he had just picked up in a pub, if my partner behaved like this, I'd assume I was only getting part of the story. And, yes, it would be over because it's not the way I wanted to be treated in a relationship.

People always say that it's easy to say leave but it's harder when it's you so I'll caveat this by saying that I discovered my husband had signed up to a no strings sex site and I ended the marriage on the same day. No evidence he'd even spoken to or met up with anyone. For me, that was enough. I didn't even ask if he had because that was irrelevant- the intent was there.

It transpired that he was actually having an affair with a woman from work. He was also someone no one would have expected it from - rarely went out, was always at home or at work. The thought of another woman had never even crossed my mind. It was the one thing I thought he was completely trustworthy about. And I'm not a blind faith type of person! I was well aware of his other flaws but cheating? No. And yet, yes.

Disappearing for days at a time is ridiculous behaviour… he needs to grow up?!