Should I pre-warn my date about my scars?

[ByMintWriter]

So I came out of a LTR 10 years ago and have been on quite a few dates since via online dating. A few guys have liked me but they have been, shall we say mostly odd/weird 🤣 and the ones that I've liked (don't hate me for saying it, but the "normal" ones) invariably haven't liked me. I am wondering if it's because I have scars on my face, which you can't really see in my online dating photos. They were caused by a minor congenital defect which I often don't feel comfortable talking about, as people generally make silly comments that can be quite insulting - obviously unintentionally - but it still hurts. The problem is, whenever I date I always worry that the scars will be an issue and I have no idea whether I should 'warn' a potential date before they meet me in case it is a shock. WWYD? Weirdly I have never discussed my scars with any past boyfriends, and I have loved that as it helped me avoid awkward conversations and really, the scars are not a major part of who I am. But there have been some dates that I have gone on where my date has looked shocked/almost insulted (despite getting on with me so well beforehand) and hasn't wanted to see me again. Although I know there could be many reasons for this, I also know that people can be very prejudiced and it's happened enough for me to think that the scars could be an issue.

So WWYD? Tell them beforehand and possibly lose the chance of a date as it sounds scary, or say nothing and hope they can see past them? FWIW, I am generally very confident, just not in talking about my obvious flaws.

And PS don't hate me for using the word "normal" - I know this is an awful word and there is someone for everyone etc, but some of these guys really have been very strange/weird, at least to me.

I don’t see a pic so assume you have deleted but from replies seems you see more conscious of it then others are

so enjoy dating and hope you find a nice man

A lot of men join just to get laid it's simple and cheap. There's a lot of toads out there.

I think I can confidently assure you that you are about 100 times more concerned about the scars than your dates are!

A well matched meeting/date will turn a few scars into insignificance.

Thank you all - I have really appreciated all replies. I did delete my pic because obviously don't want friends/family/work people to know it's me 😉. You have all given me some great advice and a bit more confidence I think x

Just 2 say, the scar from a CP is internal ( on the palate). It's a cleft lip that has an external scar...they can exist separately x Though I don't believe that NC has either.

Yes sorry - I did know that but an important distinction! It was PP who had referred to the cleft palate (rather than lip) and facial scar - but I did try to find a reference to either for NC and couldn’t!

Good luck on the date :)

One of my biggest crushes had a scar so I'm in the group that I really wouldn't care if I hadn't known beforehand. For me it's the vibe and personal attraction meeting that's more important.

However some people, for whatever reason, will see it as a form of deception, like the photoshops of perfect everything.

It's in no way any form of a reason to feel you will be off putting, to any genuine person, more just looking different to a photo. Then again it's personal to you so you could just mention it while chatting before the date to weed out the ones not worth bothering with. Xxx

Hey I just wanted to say that I have had the exact operation as you so I know how you are feeling. If you need to chat send me a dm.

I would have a photo where my scars are seen on my profile,propet visible not where you have to really look..if men ask about them and still want to date that's fine and if they don't still fine but I'd rather be upfront before any date rather than it be awkward when they turn up in fairness

My husband has scars on his face from a dog bite when he was a toddler. He pointed to them and told me what they were on our first date. I guess I had noticed them, but I wasn’t bothered by them or even curious about them. Once I knew what they were, I stopped seeing them completely - actually if you stopped me on the street and asked if he had scars on his face I would probably say no 😂

I just wanted to tell you this to reassure you that the scars will be much more of a “thing” to you than anybody else. Somebody who falls in love with you will not even see them.

I'm sorry to hear you've had those experiences where some seem to have been put off by your scars😢
It's not a reflection on you whatsoever & you've had a lucky escape from those whom can't see past them 🫂
I kind of relate & have much empathy,
Though my negative experience was in connection to the style of clothing I chose to wear, on my 1st date with someone whom met me whilst I was dressed up to dance
He shallowly made no secret of the fact he expected me to be dressed up to the nines like I'd been just the night before (needless to say we didn't meet again) So I really empathise & relate, original commenter 🫂
I wholeheartedly believe you can do so much better than any of them you've met thus far - God Bless You &
Wishing you all the utmost very best 💚

I agree completely, these 2 posts make the most sense OP 😊

having a lucky escape -- I was about to say the same.

Showing the scars more clearly on your photo would weed out the shallow people and dickheads before you wasted your time meeting them. But it's natural to want to look your best on a profile pic. Whichever you choose, I hope you don't let it bother you xx

I like textured art and some scars are visually amazing (not the reason the person got them obviously!) so scars would not bother me. In fact if someone has very obvious scars and they have overcome society’s warped view on perfection, then I think wow that person is amazing, what internal strength and clarity that person must have .. they are someone I would be happy to get to know better.

But just from your perspective to not waste your time with meeting losers, I would say in the wording “Hey, I just want to mention I have some facial scars not obvious in my photos. They don’t bother me, but if you are someone who would feel uncomfortable dating someone with facial scars, then it’s important you know about them.”