HELP - What am I going to do?

[RambleOn]

I have just found out my DP is seeing someone else. At least all the evidence points that way.

His birthday present to me this year was a text message which I think was intended for his girlfriend. Having done some snooping on his mobile phone bill online, I discovered that he'd sent her 372 messages in April, and me 12 in the same time period.

Further snooping on his 20yo DDs phone has given me her name. The texts were sent to his DDs friend who is 18yo (I am 39, he is 45).

What the hell am I going to do? We have a 20mo DD together, and I am 7wks pg

My heart and head tell me to separate from him, but this is what I want, and isn't necessarily best for my children.

The timing is spectacularly poor - pg and housing market dead in our area.

I feel like I let my baby down at the earliest opportunity, at conception, when I let its father be this man.

Do either have other friends who might be on facebook with slightly more unusual names?

Sorry you're going through this.

I don't know any names - not enough to find them anyway.

Will try to think of a more convoluted path to them!

Did you mention he has a ds? does he have facebook/myspace/bebo? could you find his dd that way, and from there the friend?

well i automatically assumed she would know - hence my suggestions - ou can't be fucking your BF's dad without them knowing - or at least suspecting - usually 18yo's can't shut their mouth - i mean how loyal is she to you?

usually facebook asks for your real name - and then nicknames. so you can search under her real name and area. even if you nrrowed it down to 50 - in your situationi would be determined to go through the 50!

DS doesn't do any online networking.

I would have said she was quite loyal to me tbh.

But obv, more so to her father.

I'm not sure if she knows or not. I have heard her joke with her brother about this girl fancying him. You wouldn't joke about that if you knew your dad was shagging her would you? Dunno.

ok, have found her. Do I have to make her my friend to view her profile? Am confused.

Arrgh - bumping cos I don't want to make her my friend ffs

If she is in the same network as you & doesn't have her privacy settings set to 'friends only', then you can view her profile without adding her.

Different network to you, add a new profile, join her network & see if you can view her profile. Again, will only work if she doesn't have 'friends only' set.

Does your dh have FB? have you checked his?

oh how exciting! you could always set up a 'fake' profile as a friend of your daughter - as far as i am aware FB for younger people is an exercise in having as many friends as poss - chances are she will accept you. worth a try

If the texts go back to the birth of your daughter - how old was she at the time?

Photocopy everything you can get your hands on, copy keys (car and house) and print out anything you have on the computer.

Go and see sol and CAB.

He is a feckless wnaker and you and your babies deserve better.

Get everything on your side (papers, legal advice, evidence) all sorted out and then confront him and tell him your plans She is too young and it has been going on too long and he is still planning to have his cake and eat it in the future (you are pg, she is still on the go) to have any chance of him redeeming himself.

He should be ashamed of himself. I imagine he is secretly rather smug. What a rat.

Have had a very busy day!

Have called a couple of solicitors specialising in family law. A problem has emerged in that our income as a couple is assessed to see whether I am entitled to legal aid. They want know his salary, and this info will be hard to get as he is self-employed.

My mum is completely on side, and has said that she will do everything she can to help. She is coming to my 8wk scan next week instead of him.

Went for lunch with some of my girlfriends - had offers of accomodation and/or financial help should I require it.

CAB seems pretty useless in my area. They have a drop-in centre once a month which is apparently always very busy. May have to travel further afield for this.

I have set up a paper archive at my mums house, to deposit photocopies of some documents, and the originals of others.

His washing basket runneth over, and there will be a good excuse why I haven't made any dinner.

Checked the phone records again today. The texts stopped when he went out last night, so he was obviously with her.

His daughter and the slappers parents are going to be so proud when they find out

You are handling this so well, and are being so brave and level-headed..

Me personally - I would hunt the silly little slag down and kick her until she realised the error of her ways .I would also send an anonymnous letter to her parents telling them exactly who their daughter is - and in it threaten to tell his wife so that it looks like it has come from someone else?

She is obviously a child who is flattered by the attention... She is going to learn a few dificult lessons about life in the real world in the foreseeable future.

Can you start an squirell some money away at your mums?

Dear RO, so sorry to hear about your situation. Make sure you set up your own bank account and divert dc tax credits into it. Can you put a bit of cash aside? Write out cash cheques for yourself? Stash it with your Mum.

Any chance you can get hold of your partner's pension plans, insurances, etc.? Any proof of income?