HELP - What am I going to do?

[RambleOn]

I have just found out my DP is seeing someone else. At least all the evidence points that way.

His birthday present to me this year was a text message which I think was intended for his girlfriend. Having done some snooping on his mobile phone bill online, I discovered that he'd sent her 372 messages in April, and me 12 in the same time period.

Further snooping on his 20yo DDs phone has given me her name. The texts were sent to his DDs friend who is 18yo (I am 39, he is 45).

What the hell am I going to do? We have a 20mo DD together, and I am 7wks pg

My heart and head tell me to separate from him, but this is what I want, and isn't necessarily best for my children.

The timing is spectacularly poor - pg and housing market dead in our area.

I feel like I let my baby down at the earliest opportunity, at conception, when I let its father be this man.

You are handling it brilliantly. No screaming just a careful ocnsidered look at what you need to do.
Good luck.

You have been very sensible so far.I am lawyer so please get advice from solictor.

You need to find out for sure what is going on.

If you find he is indeed having an affair I wait til he's at work, then pack up his stuff, drop it to a friend's house and have the locks changed.

Am screaming inside.

I will get to a solicitor asap - but I hope I qualify for legal aid as my only income is child benefit. Am SAHM living off savings, which are rapidly depleting.

PinkSS - But how can I find out for sure what is going on? Wish I could, to give me the strength to see it through.

You should see a family lawyer - I think the first consultation is often free.

The CAB may give you a list. They can also advise you as to what information regarding the house and assets you will need to take with you to the lawyer.

I agree with you that you should wait till you have confirmation of your suspicions before deciding what to do.

Poor you, I know exactly how this feels! Look after yourself.

This girl has been round to our house with my DSD, and taken my daughter out for a walk in the pram.

Can you check his emails? Borrow his mobile when he's asleep and note down some texts? SEND one even and see if you get a reply?

golly I'm sneaky

I'm not sure if that's the case rambleon. See the CAB tomorrow morning and see what they say.

Do you have a mortgage? Is your name on it? Have you been paying towards said mortgage. Things like that will mean you HAVE to have half of it, married or not. (i'm almost positive)

But how do I confirm it? I feel like my amateur sleuthing has been pretty successful so far, but what else can I do?

It's possible he's stalking her rather than it's an affair. Not much better I know.
I'm a little ocnfused on the relationship. Is she the friend of a daughter from a previous relationship. Or the friend of your daughter too. You said his DD's friend.

print off the mobile phone bill, ask him who he was txting 272 times.... what more do you need?

I agree with control freak. You don't have to prove it, Those txt msgs are enough.

It's true he might be in the grip of an infatuation with this person and NOT having an affair.

I guess it's up to you if you want to stick with him either way. I don't think it makes any difference to the outcome regarding house and money, whatever he is or isn't doing.

I would have him followed

Have checked e-mails - nothing.

I think he deletes every text as he reads it.

He uses the phone as an alarm. But I could commando across the carpet while he's asleep and text her. See what she replies with. But what would I text? It might be obviously not from him, and would alert him to the fact that I am aware.

We have a mortgage (joint). I haven't been paying towards it, as I was paying for work to be done to the house as we went along - this sounds v foolish now. I have spent about £30K on work. We put about half each equity down (about £100K each).

Do you have receipts?

He'll slip up sooner or later and you'll get the evidence you need.

controlfreak - the phone records are already printed. I had set up the O2 account for him and set his password. He had changed it. But my sleuthing payed off.

Yes, she is the friend of his daughter from his marriage, now divorced. He also has a son from the marriage who's 19yo.

I think multiple texts to the same number is proof enough! I have caught two exes out with small bits of evidence-- they admitted their infidelities when confronted. I wouldn't go to the bother of hiring a private detective i would just confront him ( after taking a bit of legal advice)
What a sod.

I will have some receipts for large purchases - kitchen, etc. But I would imagine I would find it hard to account for most of it - lots of trips to B&Q, etc.

I took voluntary redundancy from my well-paid job to look after his child.

But nkf - the records show similar numbers of texts going back ages. The slip-up on my birthday was one in about 8 months.

Oh - I have just checked the records for Oct 2006. He texted her 38 times on the day that DD was born. Was obviously keeping her updated on my progress.

TWAT

Ramble - Don't put up with it.
Get theeself to CAB first thing in the morning armed with printed mobile phone records and find out if you can leave the marital home and still get your money.

If so, confront him. Then leave.

Was she even 16 then?

Bloody hell Rambleon

on your behalf. He is a total wankhead.

Am I right that you are swiftly making your mind up about him?