Why do many people still get married in 2025 ??

[joseline]

marriage is literally tying yourself to somebody else and signing a contract to live and share a bed with someone who is not guaranteed to have your back in any circumstances.

my parents have been married for decades before divorcing and she always expresses to me that she wished she divorced sooner.

here are some example of their interactions. Sometimes my mom would nag over nothing. About things that aren’t a big deal. Something stupid like not closing the toilet bowl, forgetting to then off the heater or the cars wheels slightly touching the grass and she would nag about it and it would cause my dad to fly off the handle. Whenever they could get into big arguments it would get Nasty. My dad would throw the most hurtful words at us and would even throw stuff. And then silent treatment for days. And afterwards there would be no apology.

they gradually go back to interacting normally as if nothing happened. This was a pattern. Not a rare occurrence.

they are now divorced. And in my family in general there is either been divorces or my aunt would talk about the times their husbands cheated or
even gave them STDs.

it baffles me that many women still chose to get married. And even more shocking. They choose to get married to the most jacked up dude possible that has the type of hands that could kill you if they smacked you. No weapons needed.

why do many of you still choose marriage ?

Agreed. I was desperate to get married and have kids. Turns out the kids dad was violent and abusive.
Now I am middle aged I would never get married. I would like to live with someone and share the bills/ the house dramas such as things breaking and have someone there every night but I would never consider marriage because I want my children to inherit my house etc. I just don’t see the point of marriage after you have already had your kids. People have said wouldn’t you want them to be your next of kin but no definitely not. I think my adult children should get the final say in things. A partner/ husband could leave at any point.

joseline

What you outline re your parents is their abusive marriage where both parents were abusive towards each other. You as their child were caught up in their codependent relationship and continuous nice/nasty cycle of abuse. Staying for the sake of the child/children like your mother seemingly did has done you no favours whatsoever. Both of them have let you down abjectly.

Do you have any sort of relationship with either parent these days?.
It's not your fault they were like this and you did not make them that way either.

It is no surprise it's given you such a jaded view of marriage where you are now thinking that people marry abusers. Your immediate family circle showed you poor relationships where abuse also featured; it's all become your familiar.

No-one ever bothered with you or to actually show you what a mutually respectful relationship is like (and yes they do exist) and truth is you still do not know.

We learn about relationships first and foremost from our parents, look at what yours taught you. A shedload of damaging lessons and it will take a lot of hard emotional work to shift that mindset.

I still have a relationship with my mother.

whenever I see women posting on social media about their weddings the first thing I think is how they are making the worst possible life decision.

Number one, top of the shop right now, is inheritance tax. Not paid between married couples, paid between cohabiting couples.
Number two, protection for the lower earner, especially important if one party sacrifices their career and pension to look after children
Number three, pensions. Some pensions provide a spouses pension after your death, which is not paid to cohabiters.

And number four, surprising though this may be, your experience of marriage is not the same as everyone else's. My parents are still happily married after sixty years.

Marriage is still the best way to navigate life well. It is beyond a contract and cold hard laws, it is a partnership in which to raise a family.

I say this as a divorcee, from a bad marriage, but it is 100% the best way to raise children and a good relationship can shield you from many of life's challenges in the sense you do have someone that always has your back.

Not all men are abusive, not even a majority

When my ex had an affair and left to be with his pregnant OW, I was much better off through divorce than I would have been had we not been married.

Financial protection. Anyone having DC should get married or have good legal protection.

Women want to get married because they have a romantic image of it, because they like the tradition and having a family name, because they want financial protection when they have babies, because they feel it gives them a better social standing, they want a fancy wedding especially if their friends have them, and some women are making a sensible choice in case of death.

Your Mum might wonder why she stayed married when it ended in divorce, but if your Dad had died young, she’d have been glad to have the bit of paper that means she gets to make the decisions and benefit from assets or insurance or state support.

You have a relationship with your mother but what do you think of her?. And as for your dad?.

Your parents and wider family experiences of marriage has completely coloured your views of marriage and relationships. Again it's not surprising really considering what you saw. Many people have long and generally speaking happy relationships. People do not generally write about those on forums.

In my case, for true love.

For every person who has a messy divorce there's a SAHM who was left high and dry when their partner walked away and left them with the kids and no legal recourse.
Marriage isn't always the right thing but it can offer protection and people who rely financially on a man without being married are crazy.

I still low-key resent my mother for not dumping my dad sooner but I keep those feelings to myself. Me and my mom are not super duper close. We have more of a distant buddy buddy type of relationship. Nothing more nothing less.

I married purely for the security of it, I was pregnant at the time. If we were to separate I would not marry again.

Just because some people get married to the wrong person doesn't mean marriage is extinct.

"marriage is literally tying yourself to somebody else and signing a contract to live and share a bed with someone who is not guaranteed to have your back in any circumstances".
Marriage IS literally tying yourself to somebody else, and for the duration of the marriage, most couples WOULD have each other's backs.
The great thing these days is that, once you no longer want to be tied to a person, it's quite easy to untie yourself.

The big advantages to marriage, of course, are the legal and financial aspects: you become your partner's next of kin, and you can inherit without paying inheritance tax.

Hard to believe there is such a thing as true love in marriage. It feels true until you get ill and have to be hospitalised and they dump you in your worst possible time.

My marriage is great. Thirty five years of teamwork, love and bringing up four dc.

It makes financial sense to marry. I don't think the law is necessarily right on how it views tax, pensions and shared assets with respect to marriage v cohabiting but while it is the way it is, then it makes sense to marry.

Not in my experience at all. I feel cherised and adored every day and would wish that for everyone.

I think a good question would be why do people get married that DON'T feel loved, I'm guessing for financial security.

Not that easy to untie yourself. If you are a woman and try to divorce, your husband will lash out at you and you risk being 6 feet under and as man you risk losing half your shit.

Most couples would have each others backs? How do you know?

I too think marriage is a construct for the benefit of men.

If I were 29 again, knowing what I know now, I would never have got married. I might have had dcs but I would really focus on being able to afford them alone. Even if the father chose to stick around / parent / contribute.

The sooner women realise that the value of their financial independence, their ability to live alone and not to fall the romance schtick sold to us by Hollywood, the better off they will be. Forever.

It’s a legal contract. It protects the lower earner in the partnership. It protects a partner who gives up or limits their wealth generation opportunities in order to raise children.

Hey @joseline what do you mean by

"and as man you risk losing half your shit."

I mean half of the assets.

I'm married and love being married. I do love my husband and am grateful he hasn't turned into an arsehole in the 20 years.
Maybe it is the financial security, maybe it is the traditionalist in me/us. We both wanted to be married before having children, that was the way we wanted to do things and grateful that it turned out well for us. It is such a bloody lottery though isn't it? So easy to take the chance and it not be the right decision or the right person.

BTW I come from a divorced family. My Dad was a bit of an arse and my Mum was well shot of him. She met another wonderful man but chose not to marry him. She could never explain it fully but she didn't want to marry again. I honestly think part of it was to do with her name being the same as mine although she could have married anf not changed her name - but she was of a different time (80 now).

Yes mine too. 27 years and 3 DC. He’s my teammate and my rock. We took our wedding vows seriously.

It provides a legal framework for my husband and I to form a sort of business together to raise our shared child and plan for our retirement. The romantic part is finding someone. Marriage is a legal contract that helps you manage you resources. If you find the right person, that contract can be beneficial to both parties.

a stabile marriage helps families accumulate wealth. It allows couples to more safely make joint decisions that maximize the good of the household and the future of the children, even if temporarily risk is increased for one individual.

there is a reason upper and upper middle economic class couples continue to marry despite it falling out of favor with other groups.