Why do many people still get married in 2025 ??

[joseline]

marriage is literally tying yourself to somebody else and signing a contract to live and share a bed with someone who is not guaranteed to have your back in any circumstances.

my parents have been married for decades before divorcing and she always expresses to me that she wished she divorced sooner.

here are some example of their interactions. Sometimes my mom would nag over nothing. About things that aren’t a big deal. Something stupid like not closing the toilet bowl, forgetting to then off the heater or the cars wheels slightly touching the grass and she would nag about it and it would cause my dad to fly off the handle. Whenever they could get into big arguments it would get Nasty. My dad would throw the most hurtful words at us and would even throw stuff. And then silent treatment for days. And afterwards there would be no apology.

they gradually go back to interacting normally as if nothing happened. This was a pattern. Not a rare occurrence.

they are now divorced. And in my family in general there is either been divorces or my aunt would talk about the times their husbands cheated or
even gave them STDs.

it baffles me that many women still chose to get married. And even more shocking. They choose to get married to the most jacked up dude possible that has the type of hands that could kill you if they smacked you. No weapons needed.

why do many of you still choose marriage ?

It is only natural to be sad and bitter about bad relationships in your own family, but it would be ridiculous to assume based on your own experience that there are no happy marriages.

Anyway, surely you don't think it's better and more secure for a woman to tie herself to a man by having children with him without the security of marriage?

My own personal experience of marriage is great. No divorces in my extended family or dh's. I have been happily married for over 20 years.

I do think in many cases it's worthwhile for financial purposes, but I really think that's not a deciding factor for most people and they do it as they have a romantic view of it.

In my case, my partners haven't brought strong finances to the relationship that would have seen me benefit. I'm glad I didn't marry my DC's abusive father. It was hard enough leaving and going through court for a CAO. If we'd had to sort finances too it would have been unbearable.

I learn something every day! Thanks for that info. I personally think it’s sad when a child has a different name to its mother. Weird how everyone is focusing on that one point that I made at the end of my typed thoughts. A surname isn’t the most important thing about marriage, it’s just one component x

Reasons to get married: Security financial and just the feeling of permanence, religious beliefs, social norms, even love and wanting to commit to each other, giving children a 'proper' dad, no doubt others.

Exactly. I know someone who lives in a house her partner owns, two kids, she works two days a week during school hours, hardly any pension, and he could kick her out tomorrow and she’d get nothing despite taking a big hit career and pension-wise to be a SAHM. Which yes, she wanted. But he benefitted from.

I’ve been divorced once. We had no children. I was by far the higher earner, though I didn’t know that would be the case going into the marriage. It stung a bit to pay out to my XH when we ended things, but I have no regrets. I took a risk and recovered financially quite quickly. If we had children, my earning capacity might have been limited for any number of reasons and the scenario would have been entirely different.

that is the case in my current marriage. I started as the higher earner. I work for a non-profit and DH is in the private sector. We have a SEN child. I still work, but I have stepped back a bit because our child needs a parent around more than the average child. I never would have made this choice without marriage. My pension is still fully funded. I have access to all bank accounts and full spending autonomy. Dh’s bonuses are my bonuses. We are economic partners. If we were not, our child would suffer because neither of us would be able to put her first. We would both have to prioritize career over anything else.

It seems to depend on your circle. My immediate family, wider family and most close friends- all happily married for many years.

Myself and my siblings all had good examples of marriage and we’re all happily married for many years.

One close friend whose husband had an affair was protected because of marriage. She probably would have struggled financially if they hadn’t been.

and IHT is a massive one. I don’t think a lot of people realise this.

You are projecting all sorts on to other people's relationships.

It is awful that you've experienced bad relationships. I feel for you. But they are a minority.

There are some vile men out there, yes. And some vile women. And as a result some awful relationships. There are also a lot of perfectly decent people.

Sometimes perfectly decent person just marry the wrong person and it doesn't work out.

Quite often, people remain happily married for many years / for the rest of their lives.

You are understandably angry about the people who have hurt you. But don't assume the whole world is like them.

I've been unhappily married, so I'm not smug about that. I'm now very happily remarried, for many years, to a decent, kind, supportive, honest, hard-working, funny man. There were many benefits to being married, from my perspective.

By the way, I'm not a salesperson for getting married. There are many ways to live and be happy. Single, paired up, married, whatever. Marriage doesn't make people unhappy. Being with the wrong person makes them unhappy.

Well I do think it would be beneficial for the human race for there to be a universal Women's Pact wherein we all agree that we will not at any time consent to sex or reproduction with any man until he has proven himself to be:

Solvent
Hard working
Absolutely non-sexist, 100% respectful of women and 100% supportive if Women's autonomy
Fully committed to putting in their fair share within a relationship (the implications of which would of course vary at different stages of the relationship).
Fully acknowledging that in the event of a pregnancy they will accept responsibility for 50% of the costa if raising that child

If that could work maybe we wouldn't need marriage

You have a very jaded outlook on marriage. There is no surprise from the way you have described your parents marriage.
my grandparents were married for 64 years, they had a very happy marriage and had been together from when they were 18 and 21. When my grandad died, grandma said she had lost her soul mate. My parents aunties and uncles again have had long and happy marriages.
My other set of grandparents weren’t the happiest in their marriage, my nanna would have been better leaving my grandad.

My parents and parents in law again both happy marriages been together 40 odd years. My sibling early 40s married for 16 years happily and myself have been with my husband for 22 years (married for 11) and were mid 30s.

We have been through some tough times in our short marriage. Years of infertility, miscarriages and fertility treatment (we were eventually bless with our beautiful child) and he became seriously ill 3 years ago and now has a chronic health condition.
He is the other half of me, I have been with him longer than I haven’t. We’ve grew up together, we’re happy together and I trust him with my life. I like how we all have the same name, we are a family unit, we are a team.

Your life examples are very different to mine, I have saw it from both sides of well matched people in happy marriages and not so well matched people in unhappy and abusive marriages.
I don’t judge people who don’t get married, everyone has their reasons.

♥️ same

This 100%.

OP you'll get it if you have kids. The whole point is to have a family and ensure family money is shared. It still isn't complete guarentee but it's some protection for the one who earns less to bring up the kids. Usually the woman. And also tax reasons. If you have lots of assets and don't want that shared out, maybe you can risk not getting married. But it's silly to think there's no benefit to it. The main reason is to protect the woman and kids and stop the man abdicating his responsibilities. Which is why it's historically been held in so much importance.

Not everyone is like your parents.

There are several financial reasons why I wouldn't have a child with someone who wasn't prepared to marry me - not that I'd marry for money. I waited four years to get married though and another 4 before i had a child with him.

I think the situation you grew up in has just really negatively coloured your views OP.

These are the exact reasons we’re marrying after a long time toghether. Most of them are practical and protect me as I have sacrificed a career to look after the children. Technically actually he won’t see anywhere near the benefit that I would, expect for the inheritance tax bit

Any couple who aren't prepared to make a formal commitment to stay together shouldn't have children together. Children in broken families are statistically far more likely to have unmarried parents.

Yes I tend to agree

Because I didn't want to have to sell the house, if he died, to pay the IHT bill.

Kindly. Because my childhood was completely different to yours. My parents are childhood sweethearts who met at 17. They married at 21 and celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary a few years ago. They are very happy together. Likewise my in-laws are still going strong after 60 years. I met a good, kind, thoughtful man and he quickly became my best friend, that meant dating him and then marrying him was a no-brainer.

Pensions do pay out to cohabitees, if you nominate them to receive it.

And people talk about protection for the lower earner, but a lot of my friends have got divorced recently and I honestly can't see that there's much protection. I don't know any SAHMs though, perhaps it would be different if I did.

However, inheritance tax - yes. That is a very good reason to get married.

I’ve never really understood why some people are happy to have children with a person but don’t want to commit to marriage.

Having a child with someone ties you to that person for the rest of your life. Marriages can be dissolved. That person being your child’s other parent will never change.

Procreating together is a much bigger commitment than marriage.

Because I wanted to tie myself legally and financially to the one person I’ve consistently been able to rely on to always have my back. It’s been a really smart move and my life over the past nearly 2 decades has definitely better because of it.

And yet some (apparently decent loving) men morph as soon as a child arrives. It is essential to retain financial independence and the ability to escape and still provide a decent home for that child.

Not being tied through marriage makes that a faster, simpler and less miserable process.

Many people still get married in 2025 because they have had hugely different experiences to you….

My parents have been married 60 years and still adore each other. In-laws are the same. When I met my now DH I knew he was the one.

On MN there is this assumption that all men are bone idle, abusive assholes with good men being very sparse, but that’s not my experience at all. Most men I know are great husbands, most women are great wives, good Mums.

Good, strong marriages produce secure, loved children who go on to be decent human beings and loving husbands and wives.

I also knew that if I wanted children I had to be married. I’d just feel a bit of a twat now at my age (47) introducing the father of my children as my boyfriend.