Why do many people still get married in 2025 ??

[joseline]

marriage is literally tying yourself to somebody else and signing a contract to live and share a bed with someone who is not guaranteed to have your back in any circumstances.

my parents have been married for decades before divorcing and she always expresses to me that she wished she divorced sooner.

here are some example of their interactions. Sometimes my mom would nag over nothing. About things that aren’t a big deal. Something stupid like not closing the toilet bowl, forgetting to then off the heater or the cars wheels slightly touching the grass and she would nag about it and it would cause my dad to fly off the handle. Whenever they could get into big arguments it would get Nasty. My dad would throw the most hurtful words at us and would even throw stuff. And then silent treatment for days. And afterwards there would be no apology.

they gradually go back to interacting normally as if nothing happened. This was a pattern. Not a rare occurrence.

they are now divorced. And in my family in general there is either been divorces or my aunt would talk about the times their husbands cheated or
even gave them STDs.

it baffles me that many women still chose to get married. And even more shocking. They choose to get married to the most jacked up dude possible that has the type of hands that could kill you if they smacked you. No weapons needed.

why do many of you still choose marriage ?

You need to stop projecting. This is absolutely not true for everyone. It definitely isn't true in my case.

All these happy idyllic posts and yet 25% of women suffer domestic abuse and the divorce rate in the UK in 2024 was 42%.

New Marriages fell too as 6% fewer people chose to marry.

Something doesn't add up.

I've been married for 35 years and have no regrets, even through the hard times. We've supported each other through bereavement, illness, work stress and raised 5 children together. He still makes me laugh a lot and has my back. One of our children is severely disabled and I wasn't able to work for many years, DH supported the family and worked hard for all of us without complaint. He showed me his pension statement the other day and said this is the money for our old age - we are a team and he is appreciative of my contribution even though it's not financial. I honestly think if you manage to find someone that you want to spend your life with, who is still fun to be with and will step up to take care of you when necessary, you're very lucky.

Sadly you are in the very small minority.

But that means 58% are still married and perhaps most of the 25% in abusive relationships are in the divorced 42%.

Of our closest friends, who married 30 to 40 years ago, the majority are still happily married. Same for most of the dc's friends' parents.

Marriage is a financial partnership, with each side sharing each others debt and equity, as such, given how onerous marriage terms are, there should be total transparency of each sides finances. Ideally both parties should submit a Form E with full disclosure.

@joseline

whenever I see women posting on social media about their weddings the first thing I think is how they are making the worst possible life decision

I agree OP.

People will tip up to tell you you have had poor role models of marriage but I feel the same and my parents’ marriage wasn’t nearly as bad as yours.

To me marriage represents a sense of being stifled and bored and trapped.

It would be a financial disaster for me to marry someone anyway as I would lose all my assets, which is one reason I would never marry DP, even though I’m happy with him.

But that aside its never appealed to me. I have always found the iconography of weddings deeply depressing and naff. Everything about them makes me feel vaguely embarrassed for the couple.

I chose marriage because I am not romantic and I don't trust anyone 100%. I wanted the contract. I've seen too many women fucked over because they felt marriage was just a piece of paper so they set up home and had a family with a bloke who fucked off and screwed them over years later.

I hoped I'd chosen wisely but if I hadn't, I was sure as shit going to get paid!

Marriage isnt right for everyone but if you are going to take the financial hit for the family unit then only a fool does that without the protection of the law.

Still happily married nearly 30 years later btw, but I had no way of knowing that 30 years ago and im not the leap of faith type.

"marriage is literally tying yourself to somebody else and signing a contract to live and share a bed with someone who is not guaranteed to have your back in any circumstances."

The vows you take, certainly in Christian marriage, are to have and to hold from this day forward; for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part.

You do promise to have each other's backs in any circumstances for as long as you both live. I know that's no guarantee - but it is the basis of the union. If it works it is brilliant.

There's maybe a hundred posters on this thread, some of whom are divorced or don't want to get married in the first place. That's entirely consistent with a society that has a divorce rate of about 40%, hundreds of thousands of marriages each year, DV in all kinds of relationships and married, divorced and cohabiting populations all numbering in the millions.

It's MN, so I assume someone's bullshitting. But that's because it's the way of the site, not because the numbers don't add up.

I don't think so. I think there are as many happy marriages as unhappy ones.

Some do. Mine doesn’t, and neither does DHs

There are many different pension schemes, some, such as the DB pensions DH and I have, will pay half pension to a spouse for life, but not a cohabitee. If DH died tomorrow, I’d get a substantial sum every month for the rest of my life, if we only lived together, I’d get not a single dime.

This is an absolutely perfect, textbook example, of people not understanding that there are reasons, outside of your own experience, for getting married.

Not at all - I understand perfectly that some pensions don't pay out to partners. But I am pointing out that some do, it's not a blanket rule.

Mine was the best possible life decision.

Sorry you’re so unhappy.

I don't get why you think that "marriage is a construct for the benefit of men".

If a couple with children are married there is much more protection for the lower earner, which is usually but not always, the woman. This covers the family home, general finances and pensions. If a couple with children are not married it is easy for the higher earner, usually a man, to walk away and leave the lower earner in financial difficulty.

Can you describe a scenario where it is better for a man to be married (if he is the higher earner), with children, than to co-habit?

Never said it was, hence phrase “some pension schemes” in my post.

I wouldn't start a business, buy a house etc without a legally-binding contract and there was no way I was going to have children and take time out to raise them without a marriage contract. I didn't go into it with a mind full of frilly dresses and hearts and flowers. And I'm glad I did. Not because I've needed to depend on that contract in any tangible way. I'm very happily married the best part of 3 decades later but I'm not a fool for doing this the way in which protects me practically and financially.

As ever, projecting your own experience and making universal statements means you're denigrating other people's life choices which may have been made for clear and practical reasons. I have got a couple of friends who absolutely needed the protection of marriage and whose husbands could have walked away and left them vulnerable without that contract. And a brother whose wife tried to take half of everything and he still acknowledges that it's absolutely the right thing to start from that point when children are involved and even sometimes when they're not.

The current marriage/divorce is seemingly designed to encourage gold diggers. Five years of marriage and you can easily become a millionaire. It’s totally wrong.

Well yes, I'd be a millionaire if DH died, but he'd then be dead. On the other hand, I'd still be a millionaire if we weren't married because his death in employment benefit is made out to me. Now if I died, he'd be a millionaire - so who's the gold digger?

Why do many people on here still come up with this silly old chestnut 'why do people get married?' 🙄

If you don't know @joseline and think there's no point, there is no helping you I'm afraid. Some people want to get married, because they love their partner, and want to show that love to their partner, and everyone else. And there are many benefits to marriage... Many more than there are to NOT being married....

Clearly none of it applies to you. I'm sorry you have never found real, true love, but you do you. Leave others to do what they wish.

Sounds like you're projecting a bit here.

Struggling to find a millionaire to marry you are you?

Hang on a minute. Some men are dangerous when challenged, even murderous, but it's incorrect to say they are all like that. Your mum had a horrible experience of marriage and so do some other women, but surely you know a few couples who are either living happily or divorced safely?

All that proves is the idyllic posts are correct. According to your stats, the majority of marriages don’t end in divorce and the vast majority (75 per cent) of women have never experienced domestic violence.