Here is the background:
Ex-H and I were together for 12 years – the last few years weren’t great. We had periods of relationship counselling a few times, the most recent being between July – November 2023, at which point we agreed the relationship was over. We continued to live together as though we were still a couple until summer 2024 as we didn’t want to negatively impact DD’s exams. H then moved out and DD and I stayed in the family home until June 2025 when we sold it and moved. Divorce has just gone through. DD off to uni. Everything has remained reasonably amicable and we share care of the family dogs so see each other for a quick dog handover most weeks and occasionally a cup of tea. I tried really hard to make our marriage work over the years but he never put the same degree of energy into this that I did – lots of conflict over mental and practical load, family time, him putting his needs, wants, hobbies, work etc. before everything else – the usual. (Should also mention that he is DD’s stepdad, not bio dad, been in her life since she was 4).
This week:
Ex-H drops off the dogs last Friday and stops for a chat. He mentions that he has started seeing someone and thought he should tell me – that’s fair enough, we’ve not been properly ‘together’ for 2 years really as we agreed to separate in November 2023, and I imagined it would happen at some point and am very happy to be single and free of him. Then he says he first met her though a work thing in September 2023, but wants to make it clear that they didn’t meet again or date until October 2025, just a few weeks ago. This seems to me like quite an odd thing to say – why would he need to say that? Hmmm. Spidey senses kind of tingling, but fine, whatever – it’s all the past now.
Today:
He drops off the dogs AND TELLS ME SHE IS PREGNANT AND THEY ARE HAVING A BABY. I express almost comedy levels of shocked surprise, followed by quite a lot of WTAF and does he seriously expect me to believe he is having a baby with someone he apparently didn’t date until the end of October??? He gets out his laptop to show me the email she sent him on 25th October asking him out for a coffee because he wants me to believe he is a decent man and telling me the truth. So let’s say that they went out for coffee 25 days ago, and had sex that day at the very earliest, she’s apparently pregnant now and they are both delighted???
This is insane, right? He genuinely expects me to believe that this has all happened since the 25th of October and that there was no relationship whatsoever between them previously. Does he think I am the stupidest woman in the world?
He’s 55, she’s 36. If they are actually having a baby, he’ll be 60 by the time it goes to primary school, and 74 when it goes to uni.
I don’t care about him meeting someone else, I sure as hell don’t want him – but I do care about the idea that there has probably been something going on since we were still together and he is lying to me though his teeth. I hate being lied to more than anything – it is treating someone like they are utterly stupid and beneath you. I hate the idea of completely losing trust in someone that I spent a long time with, and that is still part of my DD’s life. I am wondering if the bullshit cover story is actually because he doesn’t want my DD to hate and disrespect him, rather than giving a toss what I think of him. This is a man who really likes to think of himself as decent and honourable. There’s no chance this story is real, is there? It’s like the rational part of my brain can see it’s ridiculous and expecting me to believe it is quite frankly insulting my intelligence, but there’s another part that wants to believe in the ‘decent and honest man’ persona and can’t get my head around the idea that he has been lying to me for probably quite a long time, and is not the man I thought he was in any way, shape or form.
(BTW when I have ever read anything like this on MN I have suspected it was probably made up nonsense because it’s too ludicrous to be real, but this has actually happened to me this week, so I apologise to anyone I ever doubted because apparently this shit really does go on, in fairly normal people’s lives. And then I always wonder why people would immediately write about it on a random forum but I am still trying to process all of this and interested to hear what other women think, I guess.)