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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Location sharing

71 replies

Lovesnature · 16/11/2025 19:21

Hello. This is my first time posting on anything like this, I’m hoping to get some biased advice, as I don’t feel like I can talk to anyone about it. I’ve been with my partner for almost 4 years, we are both in our 40s. I am six years older. When we first met, he was a man child and spent every day in the pub. He was also seeing a young girl who was in her 20’s. I’m not a big drinker, and I’m not a party girl anymore. (I used to be). I could tell right away that we weren’t really suited and after a couple of dates I told him that it wouldn’t work, even though I really really liked him. He pursued me and told me that he didn’t want that life anymore and he wanted to settle down. I fall in love quickly, and after him persuading me to have some more dates, I ended up stated to love him.. after six months he moved in with me and my children, and when he was around everything was perfect. The problem was he would go to work, I would hear nothing from him all day, and sometimes it would get to 7 /8pm and he wasn’t home and didn’t answer his phone. His tea would be on the table, me waiting ready to make him a cup of tea and ask how his day has been. The first few times this happened I was beside myself with worry thinking he had been in an accident. But it turned out that he had gone straight to the pub. I ended it with him,, but he always wormed his way back saying sorry and he doesn’t want to do it anymore. I became really anxious and nervous all the time but I loved him very much. Anyway, after another fallout, he said he would share his Snapchat location with me to put my mind at ease. He works all over and sometimes travels 2 hours each way for work but due to his job he cannot text or call me during day. The Snapchat location helped me have peace of mind and provides convenience for knowing whether he was on his way home or still at work. Sounds stupid but it helped me so much with my anxiety. He is self employed so sometimes would finish work at 1pm, sometimes 7pm. Yet he found it impossible to send me a text or call to let me know if he was on his way home.
2 years we have shared out location with each other and my kids, and now all of a sudden he has turned it off. He is refusing to talk about why, apart from saying he doesn’t like it. I’m not an unreasonable person, I know that I should respect his privacy etc but this has really triggered anxiety in me and I’m now overthinking and I think I am going to have to end the relationship because of it because it has really caused a problem for me and he doesn’t seem to care about the impact it is having on me.

OP posts:
BountifulPantry · 16/11/2025 19:30

Me and my bf share our location simply for convenience- especially good when driving long distances as we can see where each other and approx when we’ll be home without distractions. So I personally don’t think there’s anything wrong with this in a loving and healthy relationship.

His turning it off is odd. I’d be the same as you OP- why? It’s worked for the pair of you for 2 years so what’s changed?

Lovesnature · 16/11/2025 19:35

BountifulPantry · 16/11/2025 19:30

Me and my bf share our location simply for convenience- especially good when driving long distances as we can see where each other and approx when we’ll be home without distractions. So I personally don’t think there’s anything wrong with this in a loving and healthy relationship.

His turning it off is odd. I’d be the same as you OP- why? It’s worked for the pair of you for 2 years so what’s changed?

Thank you it’s so kind of you to reply. I really don’t know. He got a new phone and just turned it off. When i asked him about it he just got angry and said he doesn’t like it and never has. I explained how it has triggered my anxiety and asked him to turn it back on and he refused. We are currently not talking and I honestly can’t stop crying. I’m menopausal so my emotions are high x

OP posts:
ShenandoahRiver · 16/11/2025 19:36

You don't sound compatible.

tarheelbaby · 16/11/2025 19:37

Some people like to location share and others don't. If he's changed his mind about location sharing, there's a reason and I don't think you'll like it.

IME, a person who wants to connect and be in a couple doesn't need 'find my' (although that can be convenient, as per PP) but reliably texts/calls to share plans so that everyone can benefit - dinner on the table at the right time.

Sadly, I think your Mr. is playing you.

Lovesnature · 16/11/2025 19:50

tarheelbaby · 16/11/2025 19:37

Some people like to location share and others don't. If he's changed his mind about location sharing, there's a reason and I don't think you'll like it.

IME, a person who wants to connect and be in a couple doesn't need 'find my' (although that can be convenient, as per PP) but reliably texts/calls to share plans so that everyone can benefit - dinner on the table at the right time.

Sadly, I think your Mr. is playing you.

Thank you for your reply. I think he is just so care free, he doesn’t seem to care about how it impacts me. He said he will let me know when he sets off home etc and did for 2 days but then stopped again, and sometimes he says he’s on his way home but then doesn’t turn up and it’ll turn out he sat in car for a full hour playing on a game (whiteout survival). Seems to me that he doesn’t particularly want to rush home to me which is hurtful to me because I look forward to him coming home xx

OP posts:
Namechangetheyarewatching · 16/11/2025 19:54

He is using you as his mum
Tea on the table
A place to stay
And he is acting single

What does he pay for in the the relationship?
Is he just a cocklodger

Kick him out for good

ShenandoahRiver · 16/11/2025 19:59

Surely being single can't be worse than this?

ainsleysanob · 16/11/2025 19:59

BountifulPantry · 16/11/2025 19:30

Me and my bf share our location simply for convenience- especially good when driving long distances as we can see where each other and approx when we’ll be home without distractions. So I personally don’t think there’s anything wrong with this in a loving and healthy relationship.

His turning it off is odd. I’d be the same as you OP- why? It’s worked for the pair of you for 2 years so what’s changed?

No, for two years it’s worked for OP, that doesn’t means he’s been happy about it and no, I wouldn’t be either. There is no way on earth I would sharing my location with any romantic partner. It’s unnecessary and she doesn’t need to know where he is at any particular time.

PashaMinaMio · 16/11/2025 19:59

I’d set a dead line on this relationship if I were you. Don’t go into 2026 with this hanging over you if it’s making you miserable and he doesn’t understand.

Either hes on the bus (of your relationship)or he’s jumped off. Maybe had his head turned?
Given he’s suddenly decided it’s not what he wants, I’d be worried too. Keep your antenna up.

TwistedWonder · 16/11/2025 20:01

Why on earth did you let this man hold move into your DC home after a few months? Then proceed to wait on him hand and foot whilst getting the bare minimum back?

Does he contribute his fair share financially and around the home?

SoManyDandelions · 16/11/2025 20:02

When you say it is triggering your anxiety...what are you anxious about?

Surely you're not constantly stressing that he's been in an accident? If so, I'd suggest a trip to your GP to discuss your anxiety levels. I am a worrier. DH does not share his location with me and I trust that if anything untoward happens to him I'll be contacted by hospital/police etc.

Are you actually worried that he's cheating on you/having an affair? If so then why are you living with someone you don't trust? Also...knowing his location won't stop him from cheating on you if he is determined to do so.

I agree that the change in his willingness to share his location seems a bit odd. But I'd feel stiffled in a relationship in which DH needed to check/monitor my every move.

ShenandoahRiver · 16/11/2025 20:06

What age are your children? And what possessed you to move a 40 something year old 'man child' into their home?

MellowPinkDeer · 16/11/2025 20:07

I’ve been with my husband for 5 years and we have never once shared a location. The concept is ridiculous. You’re adults. Not stalkers!

fireandlightening · 16/11/2025 20:12

There doesn't appear to be trust and communication in your relationship both of which are essential, so objectively this is not an ideal situation for you. As for location sharing, personally I would find it intrusive. My partner and I (together five years) occasionally use it if we are meeting in a crowded train station or such, for an hour or so, but we would never use it as default. Everyone, in a relationship or not, deserves and needs their privacy.

Fitzcarraldo353 · 16/11/2025 20:13

Lovesnature · 16/11/2025 19:50

Thank you for your reply. I think he is just so care free, he doesn’t seem to care about how it impacts me. He said he will let me know when he sets off home etc and did for 2 days but then stopped again, and sometimes he says he’s on his way home but then doesn’t turn up and it’ll turn out he sat in car for a full hour playing on a game (whiteout survival). Seems to me that he doesn’t particularly want to rush home to me which is hurtful to me because I look forward to him coming home xx

This is a bigger issue than the location sharing. You feel,. probably quite rightly,.that he's not actually bothered about getting home to see you. He'll sit in a car and game for an hour instead. Don't focus on the location sharing. Focus on the fact that he doesn't seem to love you or want to spend time with you and that it all went too fast at the start. It's time to end it and kick him out.

tarheelbaby · 16/11/2025 20:24

If he's not location sharing. Set up your own timetable based on what's best for you and your DCs.

If he turns up, deal him in to whatever is going on OR NOT. If he misses dinner, then say, 'Well, you didn't tell me when you were coming home so I didn't know to include you.'

He'll soon learn that if he wants to be included, he'll have to 'dial in'.

ExperiencedTeacher · 16/11/2025 20:29

I turned mine off when he started to quiz me about why I’d been somewhere or who I’d been with or why it took me so long. I hated feeling like a child and like I had no freedom. A few months later we separated. He didn’t trust me because his anxiety had spiralled out of all control and I’d reached the end of my tether.

Lovesnature · 16/11/2025 20:29

TwistedWonder · 16/11/2025 20:01

Why on earth did you let this man hold move into your DC home after a few months? Then proceed to wait on him hand and foot whilst getting the bare minimum back?

Does he contribute his fair share financially and around the home?

financially yes, he does now. But he didn’t in the beginning. Around the house, I have to say no. On the odd occasion when he’s making an effort he will bring me flowers and he will cook me a nice tea but if I want him to take the recycling out, empty the dishwasher, or do anything at all to help in the house I have to ask.x

OP posts:
Lovesnature · 16/11/2025 20:31

tarheelbaby · 16/11/2025 20:24

If he's not location sharing. Set up your own timetable based on what's best for you and your DCs.

If he turns up, deal him in to whatever is going on OR NOT. If he misses dinner, then say, 'Well, you didn't tell me when you were coming home so I didn't know to include you.'

He'll soon learn that if he wants to be included, he'll have to 'dial in'.

I’ve tried this and it doesn’t bother him. He happily just gets a takeaway or goes to McDonald’s. It sounds so stupid when I write it down it’s just hard because I do love him and I’m struggling to end it.x

OP posts:
Lovesnature · 16/11/2025 20:33

ExperiencedTeacher · 16/11/2025 20:29

I turned mine off when he started to quiz me about why I’d been somewhere or who I’d been with or why it took me so long. I hated feeling like a child and like I had no freedom. A few months later we separated. He didn’t trust me because his anxiety had spiralled out of all control and I’d reached the end of my tether.

I honestly don’t comment on his location. Because I know if I did he would turn it off. But he’s turned it off anyway :( xx

OP posts:
ShenandoahRiver · 16/11/2025 20:33

What do your children think of this cuckoo in the nest??

Lovesnature · 16/11/2025 20:35

Namechangetheyarewatching · 16/11/2025 19:54

He is using you as his mum
Tea on the table
A place to stay
And he is acting single

What does he pay for in the the relationship?
Is he just a cocklodger

Kick him out for good

What does cocklodger mean?

I’ve said to him before that I feel that he is a single person (not cheating, that’s not what I mean) I want us to be a team but it’s like he wants us to be 2 singles.

OP posts:
Lovesnature · 16/11/2025 20:38

ShenandoahRiver · 16/11/2025 20:33

What do your children think of this cuckoo in the nest??

They really like him. My son is 20 and they get on very well, he’s a lot of fun. & same with my daughter, she’s 13 and he’s a fun person to be around, always acting around etc xx

OP posts:
JudgeBread · 16/11/2025 20:39

Are your children ok with the fact you adopted a 40 year old manchild and moved him into their home having only known him six months? Do they like their new adult sibling?

TwistedWonder · 16/11/2025 20:39

Lovesnature · 16/11/2025 20:29

financially yes, he does now. But he didn’t in the beginning. Around the house, I have to say no. On the odd occasion when he’s making an effort he will bring me flowers and he will cook me a nice tea but if I want him to take the recycling out, empty the dishwasher, or do anything at all to help in the house I have to ask.x

Why are you allowing this under your roof and in your kids home? The money you’ve spent bankrolling him is money you’ve take away from your children.

Hes an immature freeloader who is throwing you a few crumbs and yet you’re twisting yourself into a pretzel to please him.

Theres a far bigger issue here than location sharing - you’re wasting your life allowing a useless cocklodger to invade your family. You must know deep down he’s using you.

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