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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Location sharing

71 replies

Lovesnature · 16/11/2025 19:21

Hello. This is my first time posting on anything like this, I’m hoping to get some biased advice, as I don’t feel like I can talk to anyone about it. I’ve been with my partner for almost 4 years, we are both in our 40s. I am six years older. When we first met, he was a man child and spent every day in the pub. He was also seeing a young girl who was in her 20’s. I’m not a big drinker, and I’m not a party girl anymore. (I used to be). I could tell right away that we weren’t really suited and after a couple of dates I told him that it wouldn’t work, even though I really really liked him. He pursued me and told me that he didn’t want that life anymore and he wanted to settle down. I fall in love quickly, and after him persuading me to have some more dates, I ended up stated to love him.. after six months he moved in with me and my children, and when he was around everything was perfect. The problem was he would go to work, I would hear nothing from him all day, and sometimes it would get to 7 /8pm and he wasn’t home and didn’t answer his phone. His tea would be on the table, me waiting ready to make him a cup of tea and ask how his day has been. The first few times this happened I was beside myself with worry thinking he had been in an accident. But it turned out that he had gone straight to the pub. I ended it with him,, but he always wormed his way back saying sorry and he doesn’t want to do it anymore. I became really anxious and nervous all the time but I loved him very much. Anyway, after another fallout, he said he would share his Snapchat location with me to put my mind at ease. He works all over and sometimes travels 2 hours each way for work but due to his job he cannot text or call me during day. The Snapchat location helped me have peace of mind and provides convenience for knowing whether he was on his way home or still at work. Sounds stupid but it helped me so much with my anxiety. He is self employed so sometimes would finish work at 1pm, sometimes 7pm. Yet he found it impossible to send me a text or call to let me know if he was on his way home.
2 years we have shared out location with each other and my kids, and now all of a sudden he has turned it off. He is refusing to talk about why, apart from saying he doesn’t like it. I’m not an unreasonable person, I know that I should respect his privacy etc but this has really triggered anxiety in me and I’m now overthinking and I think I am going to have to end the relationship because of it because it has really caused a problem for me and he doesn’t seem to care about the impact it is having on me.

OP posts:
Terrytheweasel · 17/11/2025 23:45

Did you have a fight where you blocked him or he blocked you? This can affect sharing location.
I share with my partner - It’s practical.

Bones101 · 17/11/2025 23:59

Not compatible.

No one needs to know anyone's location 24/7.

Bellyblueboy · 18/11/2025 00:18

Even the way you describe the adult woman he was seeing as a ‘young girl’ shows age is a major issue for you.

A young girl is a child - my niece is a young girl - she is 11. His ex was a fully fledged adult woman.

Lovesnature · 18/11/2025 09:54

Terrytheweasel · 17/11/2025 23:45

Did you have a fight where you blocked him or he blocked you? This can affect sharing location.
I share with my partner - It’s practical.

No, no fall out or anything. He got a new phone (just an upgrade) and after a few days of using the new phone he switched it off. He just says he ‘ doesn’t like it and he’s not switching it back on’ I said well will you do it for me please, and my peace of mind and he just said no.
he is now creeping, bought me presents, making me nice food. I’m trying to just act like everything is normal. But I am unhappy deep down.

OP posts:
Lovesnature · 18/11/2025 09:56

Lovesnature · 18/11/2025 09:54

No, no fall out or anything. He got a new phone (just an upgrade) and after a few days of using the new phone he switched it off. He just says he ‘ doesn’t like it and he’s not switching it back on’ I said well will you do it for me please, and my peace of mind and he just said no.
he is now creeping, bought me presents, making me nice food. I’m trying to just act like everything is normal. But I am unhappy deep down.

Sorry, my reply should’ve said that he is trying to act like everything is normal. I’m not I feel with and I’m not even trying to hide it. He’s very good at ignoring my feelings.

OP posts:
Lovesnature · 18/11/2025 10:08

Bellyblueboy · 18/11/2025 00:18

Even the way you describe the adult woman he was seeing as a ‘young girl’ shows age is a major issue for you.

A young girl is a child - my niece is a young girl - she is 11. His ex was a fully fledged adult woman.

Sorry I find your post unhelpful and irrelevant? Just because I described her as a young girl, doesn’t mean I have a problem with age it just means my choice of description wasn’t the best and I should have used the word young woman, lady, person.. whatever. My point mentioning her (obviously I know she is a full adult 🙄) is that there is a 20 year age gap between me and his ex! And I actually tried to say to him in the beginning that he is more like a 20-year-old in his head, and I am a mature 46-year-old who just wants a quiet happy family life. I go on bottomless brunches with friends, we go on holidays, and weekends away that involve drinking, we go to a lot of gigs to see local bands play and quite often go to the after parties. Don’t get me wrong I am not boring. It is just that I like a balance. And in the beginning, all he did was go to the pub every single day until it closed sleep and then back to work. Sometimes they would finish work at 10 am, and go straight to the pub.
I tried many times to say that this is not for me and I stopped seeing him a couple of times, even though I really liked him and when we were together, he was happy to come on hiking walks and experience new things that did not involve being in the pub 24/7. He said this was the life he wanted and convinced me.
If I could turn that time, I would hundred percent do it all different and I would’ve not given into or allowed myself to fall in love with him. But I’m not talking about the past, I’m talking about now, over three years later.

OP posts:
Laiste · 18/11/2025 10:13

I think OP, that you aren't really deep down in love with him. You're in love with the idea of what you wish he was 💐

But he's not what you want.

He's not going to turn in to what you want.

You're wasting years on him.

You'll be fine without him. Rip the plaster off and in 6 months you'll look back and wonder why you kept at it for so long and be glad he's out of your hair.

Lovesnature · 18/11/2025 10:25

Bones101 · 17/11/2025 23:59

Not compatible.

No one needs to know anyone's location 24/7.

I agree regarding not compatible.

I just want to mention that I didn’t want to know his whereabouts 24/7.. I work full-time in a very busy professional environment, where I do not have time to be on my personal phone, quite often I am in conferences, Meetings, are with clients etc. I WFH 50/50. It is for convenience of knowing if he is on his way home, whether to put the tea on or slow it down, make him a cup of tea, even run him a nice bath. I’m an extremely attentive partner and tbh I just think I’m wasted on him.
dont get me wrong, on the odd occasion (early into the location sharing and the main reason it was introduced in the first place into our dynamics) when I’ve checked location at say 5pm and it shows ‘pub for 3 hours’ but he’d still not opened a message I sent 4 hours ago, it has cause fall outs.

oh and guess what, this might surprise everyone when I mentioned that he was who suggested sharing location on WhatsApp years ago when I ended it with him and he was asking me to give him another chance. He said if you ever want to know where I am and I am not required, I will just share my location with you!!

Fast forward 3 1/2 years until he doesn’t what he used to do anymore. We have an agreement at if fancies going to the pub for a couple of pints, he lets me know at the earliest convenience. Or at the very late, as soon as he gets to the pub. This has worked fine for the past couple of years. Until now, hence me finding a forum where I felt I could get unbiased, helpful opinions and advice.

OP posts:
Terrytheweasel · 18/11/2025 10:27

Lovesnature · 18/11/2025 09:54

No, no fall out or anything. He got a new phone (just an upgrade) and after a few days of using the new phone he switched it off. He just says he ‘ doesn’t like it and he’s not switching it back on’ I said well will you do it for me please, and my peace of mind and he just said no.
he is now creeping, bought me presents, making me nice food. I’m trying to just act like everything is normal. But I am unhappy deep down.

I wouldn’t like it. The thing is, if he made you feel secure and didn’t have form for going off radar then you wouldn’t feel the need to have it on.

Lovesnature · 18/11/2025 10:36

Bones101 · 17/11/2025 23:59

Not compatible.

No one needs to know anyone's location 24/7.

Also, do you have kids? My son is 20 and happily shares his location with me.

Last year 3 teenage boys went missing and it took over one leak for their car to be found submerged in a lake in wales.

A couple of years ago my friends mum didn’t return from work at her usual time (after a late shift), her phone was ringing but no answer, my friend and her father drove the route back and forth looking for her before calling police. Her car was found overturned in a ditch. She was unconscious but alive for 2 hours before water seeped in and she drowned. Her husband and my friend drove by the area 3 times but didn’t notice anything due to the darkness and conditions. Had she shared her locations she could have definitely been saved 😓

my partner travels sometimes 4 hours per day, all over the country. It’s an ‘I care about you, your whereabouts and your safety’ issue.

it’s not always about control and wanting to know someone’s whereabouts 24/7.

sometimes my son goes out clubbing and if I wake at 5am and he’s not home I can see ‘oh he went straight to his girlfriends house’.. sleep soundly.

OP posts:
Lovesnature · 18/11/2025 10:38

Terrytheweasel · 18/11/2025 10:27

I wouldn’t like it. The thing is, if he made you feel secure and didn’t have form for going off radar then you wouldn’t feel the need to have it on.

I get that and would leave it up to him if that was the case. However read my other reply that i sent to Bones101 guy

xx

OP posts:
LifeSurvior · 18/11/2025 10:40

You literally sound like his Mum.
You sound like you are writing about your 14 year old son not a fully grown equal male partner.
The dynamics of you being the safe responsible over caring and anxious one compared to his free wheeling easy come, don't pin me down manchildsound utterly depressing.
Do yourself a massive favour and save the absolute certainty of a future full of heartache and tell him to leave.
He has absolutely no respect for you as an equal partner.
You can do so much better than a deeply unattractive man who thinks he's the dogs bollocks and can treat you like shit.
Backbone time OP.

LifeSurvior · 18/11/2025 10:44

"it’ll turn out he sat in car for a full hour playing on a game (whiteout survival)."

And what in the fucking name of 10 year old behavior is this shite??!!
OP why are you putting up with this, it's mind bogglong that a grown woman thinks this is acceptable behaviour in their grow male partner!
What has happened to you that your bar is virtually underground?

Terrytheweasel · 18/11/2025 10:45

Lovesnature · 18/11/2025 10:38

I get that and would leave it up to him if that was the case. However read my other reply that i sent to Bones101 guy

xx

Totally agree. I wish my mum would share her location with me, but she won’t! I share mine with her though and when my children are older I will want their location too.

Springtimehere · 18/11/2025 10:48

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Lovesnature · 18/11/2025 10:51

LifeSurvior · 18/11/2025 10:44

"it’ll turn out he sat in car for a full hour playing on a game (whiteout survival)."

And what in the fucking name of 10 year old behavior is this shite??!!
OP why are you putting up with this, it's mind bogglong that a grown woman thinks this is acceptable behaviour in their grow male partner!
What has happened to you that your bar is virtually underground?

You are right. I don’t find it acceptable!x and I am trying!

OP posts:
LifeSurvior · 18/11/2025 11:11

Lovesnature · 18/11/2025 10:51

You are right. I don’t find it acceptable!x and I am trying!

Sorry, I didn't want to sound harsh OP but come on... You must know he's taking the piss with this behavior. You are worth so much more than being treated like this. I have this image of you cooking his nice tea with the kettle on waiting for him to come home and he's sat playing kids games in his car!
Apart from I could never see him as sexy again with this childish behaviour it would make me seriously question why I had got so needy and reliant on a man like this.

Lovesnature · 18/11/2025 11:18

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Absolutely loads of stuff.. camping, hiking, holidays, gigs, time with friends..Alsorts. 90% of time organised by me but he’s happy to do stuff as a couple and family.

OP posts:
Lovesnature · 18/11/2025 11:19

LifeSurvior · 18/11/2025 11:11

Sorry, I didn't want to sound harsh OP but come on... You must know he's taking the piss with this behavior. You are worth so much more than being treated like this. I have this image of you cooking his nice tea with the kettle on waiting for him to come home and he's sat playing kids games in his car!
Apart from I could never see him as sexy again with this childish behaviour it would make me seriously question why I had got so needy and reliant on a man like this.

You pictured exactly how it is sometimes! Sat in car or sat in pub.

OP posts:
AliyaA2112 · 18/11/2025 11:22

I share my location only with my husband just so when my Inlaws ask if he’s left work I can say if he has or hasn’t rather than nagging him if he’s busy or got held up at work. And to know when to ring him so the kids can talk to him.

TwistedWonder · 18/11/2025 12:12

LifeSurvior · 18/11/2025 10:40

You literally sound like his Mum.
You sound like you are writing about your 14 year old son not a fully grown equal male partner.
The dynamics of you being the safe responsible over caring and anxious one compared to his free wheeling easy come, don't pin me down manchildsound utterly depressing.
Do yourself a massive favour and save the absolute certainty of a future full of heartache and tell him to leave.
He has absolutely no respect for you as an equal partner.
You can do so much better than a deeply unattractive man who thinks he's the dogs bollocks and can treat you like shit.
Backbone time OP.

100% agree. Everything about this relationship sounds like a mum talking about her teenage son who hasn’t yet reached fully developed adulthood not a man approaching middle age who has already proved himself as a freeloader and a cocklodger until pushed.

OP it’s like you’ve adopted another child not a partner. He may be ‘fun’ but that’s not what grown up relationships are about.

You know he’s using you as a roof over his head with good and sex thrown in for zero effort. Why are you doing this to yourself and your DC? You’re teaching them this is the bar that women accept and men take advantage of

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