Husband always unwell- worried?

[AleaEim]

My dh (39), has always had a tendency to pick up colds, if I get a sniffle, he’ll get the flu, for example, during the pandemic, I got covid, I was unwell for a day or so but he was in bed for days, the lines on the test showed up much stronger on his test compared to mine so I know he wasn’t exaggerating.

Anyway, it’s never really affected our lives until recently. We have a ten month old and since around July dh has had several illnesses. Between July and September he had about 5 episodes of cold/ flu and since then he has had something every couple of weeks, sometimes it’s headaches/ migraines. He feels immense guilt and most of the time refuses to rest/nap as he feels bad that I’m alone with the baby. During the week he got a cold and had to take a day off to rest. I’m pretty sure he caught this cold from the baby, she had a sniffle last week but fought it pretty easily, tbh, we hardly noticed it. I literally sneezed once and that was all. Then today, he was in bed for half the day with a migraine!

We have no family support so there just isn’t much respite and it’s becoming very stressful. He already went to the GP for testing as he was worried but stool, urine and bloods all came back normal. I’m not sure what’s going on? Are some people just like this? Could the GP have missed something? Could myself and dd be picking things up from baby groups and passing it to him even though we don’t get any symptoms?

To add, his mood has been quite low since baby was born (he has recently started therapy which is helping). I’m wondering if his mood is affecting his physical health? He is a great dad, very hands on as he should be, comes home, cooks dinner and cleans most days, does night feeds when possible, bought me flowers the other day as he felt guilty for being unwell.

I do think poor mental health does make you less resilient in terms of physical health (no idea on the science behind that) and less able to bounce back. So I would focus on that for now.

btw - the strength of the line on a Covid test has no correlation with how ill you feel.

Physical health and mental health are intrinsically combined. Edited to add this is my professional area.

But, picking up colds that often is likely poor hygiene. Good hand hygiene, washing and sanitizing will prevent most colds.

Cold and flu are not the same. I find a cold can be harder to manage than flu (I have my flu jab) but that's because I had TB as a child.

Darker Covid lines aren't an indicator of "worse" Covid.

Having a cold management plan where you regularly use antibacterial products on doors, banisters and surfaces helps (zoflora or similar). Sanitising hands before and after handling the baby. Eating a healthy diet with plenty of fruit and veg and very little processed food, alcohol or fat.

Children just introduce lots of germs into the household. I think this is all normal and will get better

A day off for a cold?

Agree, after my DD (prem) nearly died from RSV, we have been super vigilant about hand hygiene. The ICU doctors and nurses that cared for her said this was the main thing we could do to prevent a recurrence (other than keeping her at home in the colder months until she was 6 months old).

A head cold can be a miserable affair. Fever, chills, congestion - so definitely a day off.

What’s his diet like?

ExH was ill about once a month for the first year or so after we had DS. Also had (still has) very bad mental health, and refused to treat it. I think it’s a combination of being more run-down as you’re not sleeping or eating as well as you might be, and being more exposed to bugs if you’re around babies and young children more often

I wonder too whether if he’s feeling low mentally, he’s using any reason to take time off work or take to his bed.

I think you actually need to tell him to man-up unfortunately. Otherwise you’re going to end up resenting his martyrdom

Oh god I’m an idiot then, why do the lines look feint for some?

I’m not sure whether he uses these hygiene strategies well. I tend to wash hands when we come home and sanitise when I think about it but that’s only lately as I’m trying to prevent germs now. Mostly I’m a v relaxed with germs tbh, I rarely get sick and it seems dd might be the same.

Hmm no I don’t believe this is what’s going on. He hasn’t taken many days off despite the illnesses.

I’ve had days off for colds in the past and would do again if they were the same level of awfulness. Some colds are hideous.

And one time when I had low iron a simple, not very bad, cold floored me. If the OPs husband is already dealing with something else (poor mh) maybe a cold on top is similarly much more difficult than it usually would be.

Pretty crap but he has started making kale smoothies recently. Apart from that, he eats very little fruit and veg. Tbh I’m not great lately as so busy with baby but it doesn’t affect me badly.

Vitamin C helps ward off colds. Perhaps taking some multivitamins would help.

Well he obviously needs to start taking vitamins and eating more fruit and veg.
Vitamin D and lots of it
Vitamin C and lots of it
Zinc
Multivit
Salbucol / elderberry liquid everyday in winter months
Drinking lemon and ginger tea
Local honey
You can get powder fruit and veg you can add to a smoothie
Pre or probiotic tablets
Going out for a brisk walk everyday even just round the block

Perhaps eating kefir etc
Mental health being poor doesn't help but also a chicken and egg situation - poor physical health can exacerbate poor mental health and vise versa

Me and DH have both had a horrific series of illnesses this year too. He’s been sick on and off since June and I’m on week 6 of a horrible flu/respiratory infection.

Usually neither of us is sick much. For us it seemed that we just got one big punch of illness back in summer and our immune systems never had time to recover before we were hit with another. We’re pretty religious with hand washing too.

Very possible that you and baby are passing him viruses etc that you can fight off but he’s just not able to right now because his system has taken such a beating.

Make sure he’s getting all his vitamins and drinking lots of water. He also needs to actually rest when ill so he actually recovers. But I feel for him…

Boring suggestion but high strength vitamin D helps your immune system fight off infections, most people in Britain don’t get enough due to our lack of sun especially at this time of year And off they work indoors.

I could have written this post OP.

I have no useful advice but I absolutely sympathise and recommend giving him the fingers and silently mouthing “f’ing hypochondriac” behind his back every time he starts with the “sick voice”.

My DH is exactly the same way- he’s currently 6 weeks post- op from a knee surgery for torn tendons (an injury that he somehow managed to acquire by just crouching down to speak to our child.)
Bear in mind that this injury happened less than five days after he had a three week stretch in bed with Covid. Nowadays I just send him back to his mothers house to convalesce if it looks like he is going to be ill for more than two or three days. Saves so much trouble and stops me from serving 12-life for his murder.

Doesn’t help matters that I’m never quite sure if he’s faking or not- I once pretended to have the trots in order to get a bit of a lie in and break from the kids for a few hours, and about an hour after I went to bed, he comes in rubbing his stomach and saying “I think I’ve caught the shits off you- I feel dreadful” then the cheeky swine got in bed right next to me!

The worst part was that I couldn’t even call him a lying faking lead swinger, because I had completely fabricated being ill in the first place! 0/10 do not recommend doing that one.

I'm like this, I've always been like it. I'm fit, run regularly and have a good diet with home cooked food, but I've been susceptible to colds and sniffles my whole life and it's got far worse since the kids came along. I think some people just have crappy immune systems.

The biggest problem will be that he can't properly rest the illnesses off. That's the only thing that does the job, but it's completely impossible with young children

I always seem to get illnesses 10x worse than other people and I’m always made to feel guilty about it. You can’t help how you feel when you are ill.

Some people are just more prone to colds, coughs etc. just like there are those that never get a cold ou cough or shake it with a day or less .
he could try taking supplements , especially vitamin D & zinc but his GP can best advise on that

Some people just pick up everything that’s going round. I have a cast iron stomach but pick up every cold bug going!

A poor diet low in fruit and veg certainly will not help. He may benefit from boosting his immune system. Exercising, being outside etc. plus look into high dose vitamin D. Get into good hand hygiene as has already been mentioned.

My dd was getting sick all the time because the doctor prescribed too many antibiotics. A doctor friend who'd studied Chinese herbalist medicine gave her some Chinese herbs and she didn't get sick again for another two years