Husband always unwell- worried?

[AleaEim]

My dh (39), has always had a tendency to pick up colds, if I get a sniffle, he’ll get the flu, for example, during the pandemic, I got covid, I was unwell for a day or so but he was in bed for days, the lines on the test showed up much stronger on his test compared to mine so I know he wasn’t exaggerating.

Anyway, it’s never really affected our lives until recently. We have a ten month old and since around July dh has had several illnesses. Between July and September he had about 5 episodes of cold/ flu and since then he has had something every couple of weeks, sometimes it’s headaches/ migraines. He feels immense guilt and most of the time refuses to rest/nap as he feels bad that I’m alone with the baby. During the week he got a cold and had to take a day off to rest. I’m pretty sure he caught this cold from the baby, she had a sniffle last week but fought it pretty easily, tbh, we hardly noticed it. I literally sneezed once and that was all. Then today, he was in bed for half the day with a migraine!

We have no family support so there just isn’t much respite and it’s becoming very stressful. He already went to the GP for testing as he was worried but stool, urine and bloods all came back normal. I’m not sure what’s going on? Are some people just like this? Could the GP have missed something? Could myself and dd be picking things up from baby groups and passing it to him even though we don’t get any symptoms?

To add, his mood has been quite low since baby was born (he has recently started therapy which is helping). I’m wondering if his mood is affecting his physical health? He is a great dad, very hands on as he should be, comes home, cooks dinner and cleans most days, does night feeds when possible, bought me flowers the other day as he felt guilty for being unwell.

If he eats shite and doesn’t get many vitamins down him then that will be why. He needs to at least take decent vitamin tablets

Besides not good hygiene and depression that can weaken immune system activity, he might have had something that suppressed his immune response and he'll have to deal with catching a lot of what's going around.

Improved diet, plenty of rest, get a handle on hygiene and disinfecting when your kid's sick, vaccinate as needed, and wear a mask during times of high respiratory virus activity. We're going into prime flu and RSV season.

That’s interesting, but he takes to his bed when not working, so his illnesses manifest at home?or am I misunderstanding?

Beta glucan supplements can support the immune system.
Plus good old more fruit and veg
And lots more hand washing

Does he like kale smoothies? Sorry a bit beside the point but there are so many more pleasant easy ways to have fruit and vegetables - fruit juice, banana and yoghurt, pancakes with berries or preserves, the famous avocado on toast, omelettes with spinach, cheese on toast with tomatoes or pickles, bean or lentil or minestrone soups with a ton of garlic and a squeeze of lemon… obviously if he likes kale no problem… and as others have pointed out if you’re run down a gram of VitC a day will help. Also probiotics if tummy issues?

I would suggest as others have - looking at diet and vitamins…. Could you afford to have a session with a nutritionist even and pick someone pragmatic who can help get the basics right (eg a good set of vitamins)?

I started getting ill a lot after having a major (hospitalised) illness. It really knocked my immune system and I was a bit like your husband at the time and had a lot of time off work with colds that turned nasty / flu / strange infections etc. I bailed so much on friends that I barely saw anyone for months at a time. My GP noticed and commented on the pattern.

i found vitamins and changing my diet and working on sleep (as far as possible!) and cutting down on alcohol and sugar - all seemed to help - but it had a trigger so was a bit different.

From memory, my doctor tested me for diabetes at the time and a few other things, just in case. Did you say your husband has already had some tests? I feel like some people are low on vit D and this affects immune system and can be tested for I think. A lack of Vit D can also affect mood I think.

id also personally try something like acupuncture to complement all of this. Just to provide a bit of support to overall health but not as a substitute for diet and getting any other tests

good luck!

This makes no sense. Doctors don’t give ABs unless you need them. And to get ABs, she must have been ill first.

And Chinese medicine?? I wouldn’t trust in it.

Yes, sadly, some people are like this, and I sound a bit like him myself. I was always catching things off public transport, and never got used to it. In one winter period I had about 3 colds in about 3 months. That could happen to me at school as well. The only serious break I got from all that (for years actually) was during one of the most stable and content periods in my life, so I think mood also plays a part.

I think there's something to this -

Between July and September he had about 5 episodes of cold/ flu and since then he has had something every couple of weeks, sometimes it’s headaches/ migraines

The nervous system and the immune system are closely linked. That's part of the reason why I've had very long migraines during covid (and why Zomig nasal spray worked an absolute treat to decrease the nausea). A migraine is probably part of an overactive immune response. Does he have allergies as well?

Sleep disturbance will most likely make all of this worse, I'm afraid.

I don't think a low dose of zinc supplementation would hurt, and a bit of vitamin D3 (not D2). Make sure he eats half a pepper per day, preferably orange or yellow ones. They're particularly high in vitamins C, more so than fruits like oranges. It should become part of his lunchtime snack.

Those migraines could be better controlled maybe. As soon as he feels one starting, he needs to take his medicine. DON'T WAIT. Migraines are like period pain - they can cascade and once it reaches a certain level, it becomes much more difficult to abort one.

I take aspirin + paracetamol mix if I think it's a more low-level headache / migraine situation. If it's stronger, I use zomig spray.

Also I'd recommend he reads 'A New Approach to Headache and Migraine' by Pablo Tymoszuk. It's a bit repetitive and he won't need to read all of it, but it talks about the important of muscular knots or trigger points in migraines. It's really changed things for me. I've noticed that when one is starting, I can feel a tender spot under my jaw, sort of where it meets the neck area, or one on my forehead or temple. He should be checking around his face & neck to see if he can feel one, because if he massages that, it can reverse a migraines in some cases. Well worth looking into.

Also - the science around high doses of vitamin C seems iffy and possibly outdated. Don't take huge amounts of it, and especially don’t get those tablets that are dissolved in water. They wreak your tooth enamel and it will never grow back once that happes - I speak from personal experience, unfortunately.

Does he work in an office?
My husband and I stand no chance. I run the medical room in a large school and my husband works in an open plan office. I am faced with students with viruses every day, masses of them. Even when they feel dreadful, they are forced into school. Then parents with school age children take their lovely bugs into my husbands office.

I'm on an immune suppressant and I rarely get ill. Look at gut health. My diet is not perfect but I have live plain yoghurt (yeo valley is good), porridge oats for fibre, blueberries for vitamin c every single day. I also take vitamin d and k2 spray in winter. Lack of sleep also has a devastating effect on immunity. Anecdotally I found Vogel Echinichea drops helped prevent colds.

I also use neilmed saline nasal rinse every day. First Defence nasal spray at the first signs of a cold.

There are migraine cures out there - I take sumatriptan with naproxen and paracetamol and it stops a migraine completely within 45 minutes.

More proactivity needed basically!

If he starts taking vitamin D, make sure he takes vitamin K2 in conjunction with it. It can be quite dangerous not to long term.

I take Propolis drops and they really help ward off viruses. It’s natural and great for your immune system. I always take it for 5 days or so if I’ve been around someone with a cold or covid etc and it really helps avoiding catching it myself. It’s safe for him to take daily if need be just to help improve his immune system generally.

Adding Manuka honey into his diet will help too. Buy the highest MGO one you can find and afford, the higher the MGO the better it will work. Look for it from reputable places like Holland and Barrett, the ones in the supermarket really aren’t strong enough.

I cut out all processed foods three years ago, including seed oils which are in basically everything, emulsifiers, gums, preservatives and I haven’t had so much as a cold since

washing hand etc is really important. More veg etc generally a good idea anyway. Stir fry is easy, soups, casseroles with veg….

the first defence sprays work.

I used to be the kid that had a constant cold. As an adult I would catch every cough cold and bug going and it would linger for weeks. In the last few years I have been diagnosed as coeliac and it now makes sense that my immune system was just rubbish. Since being rigorously gluten free for 5 years now I get fewer colds and less severe.

Start with increasing vitamin intake and eating balance meals with plenty of fruit and veg and thorough hand washing. If this makes no improvement then he should start to investigate whether he could have an auto immune condition.

All the people saying that he is taking the piss and putting it on, I don't think the OP is suggesting that, just that he is ill a lot more than she is.

Handwashing when you come into the house.
Multivitamin. Defo vitamin d (or even better D3) in winter as the sun is too weak for us to make it ourselves (this isn’t woo it’s fact).
Better diet to include seasonal veg as thats what our bodies want.
Better sleep. No devices two hours before bed.

I hate to tell you but once dc goes to nursery Thwy will start bringing home every virus thats ever existed and youll all be ill.

You mention migraine - may people are simply genetially pre-disposed to having migraine. They try to figure out their triggers so they can minimise them, and take preventative medication where possible, but can't stop being disposed to them. There are of course many conditions that people are disposed to having, and which they can't avoid.

I come from a family of migraine-sufferers, and they can really affect peoples' lives.

That aside, if he's catching more colds than everyone else, he may be run down. Or maybe he's suffering exactly the same as you but doesn't cope as well. He could be exagerrating the symptoms for sympathy or because he likes feeling hard done to.

If his basic tests come back OK from the doctor, it's unlikely to be anything to worry about, in health terms.

Sorry, I forgot about this thread.

This is great to know, I’ll tell him. He would never eat such a healthy breakfast. He doesn’t even eat breakfast, sometimes a pastry or muffin if we have them in, he’s been also known to grab a biscuit with his morning coffee. I’m not sure I can change that. He has started making smoothies but I fear it’s another one of his short lived healthy phases. He started taking a probiotic and multi vitamin about two months ago. I also forgot to add he has had an infection on his gums and also an ulcer on top of the other illnesses. It’s endless. Lots of people eat unhealthy though and don’t get this ill.

He works in hospitality so is around others a lot.

I was expecting him to get a diagnosis of something when he got his tests but there was nothing underlying.

This is completely normal, and happens to most new parents. This is also a particularly bad year for viruses. We have had them non stop since the summer too, and we have teens. It will pass.

perhaps a wellness check or things like vitamin levels might be in order?

No one on the net is going to be able to say whether your DH is unwell or not. Talk to a GP.

This sounds purely like a case of just not being that healthy (poor diet and lifestyle choices) and being run down.

I have cancer and am immunocompromised because of treatment. I very rarely get ill, even when the dc have COVID or the many stomach bugs we get. I eat healthy, loads of fruit, vegetables, whole real foods, I drink lots of water, I don’t smoke, don’t drink alcohol, prioritise sleep and rest. Dh doesn’t eat that well, drinks, doesn’t prioritise sleep or rest (which is different to sleep), always fretting about something. He is sick all the time.

Did they run any blood tests on his immune system? Genetic immune deficiency - even mild - can leave you prone to not recovering as quickly as others, greater risk of infections / complications. You can take more precautions if you know - vaccination against more illnesses, antibiotics instead of ‘waiting to get better’ which often doesn’t happen, take more precautions to avoid getting sick.