Should I set up my colleague

[81Claire81]

Hi everyone, I’d really appreciate a bit of advice. I’m 44 and have been seeing a guy in his 30s casually for a while. He’s brilliant in bed and, more importantly, he’s a genuinely good person.

The thing is, we’re in completely different places in our lives. He’s keen to settle down and start a family, which just isn’t going to happen for me now. I do care about him a lot, and honestly, I don’t think I’d be jealous if he went out with someone else.

My concern is more about him making a choice that’s not right for his future.There’s a woman at work who might be a great match for him. She’s got the same sense of humour and has actually told me several times about her bad luck finding a decent man.

I’m not especially close with her, but my colleague is and really rates her. I’m a bit more senior as well, so I do feel slightly awkward about getting involved in her personal life.I’m not trying to arrange anything casual between them, just wondering if I should suggest they go on a date.

Has anyone else ever found themselves in this position? Did it work out, or was it best to leave well alone? Would love to hear your thoughts.

Never been in this position but what you’re suggesting is a very selfless thing to do and shows you really do have feelings for this person you’ve been seeing and genuinely care about him. 🥹

Probably just time to step back and let him live his life. I wouldn’t go interfering in his future love life, it’s none of your business.

So, how did you two meet?
Well, my senior colleague set us up - she said he was brilliant in bed!
Can you imagine?
Just, no.

This. If you're all work colleagues it's a bit weird and if you're senior, even more weird

I just worry about him getting with someone that isn't suitable. Like I could accept it better if she was a good person.

@somethingbeginningwithb I wouldn't message that, I'd be more subtle!

This is very odd.

If you want him to meet a 'suitable woman' , let him go. Tell him you can't offer him what he wants (family) and you're being kind to let him go.

But allow him to seek out and date someone else. You don't need to be a match maker. You're not his Mum and he's a big boy now 😉

That sounds more like something a mother would/should right - not an ex-girlfriend.

No. You're not his matchmaker or his mother. He's a big boy and can make his own life choices.

Break up with him because you're incompatible long term but don't be so controlling you try to pick his next partner. That's going overboard.

Thanks you are probably right. I just worry about her being similar to who my ex cheated with, that "type."

I'm sure you wouldn't message that to her but it's clearly key otherwise you wouldn't have mentioned it on this thread.

It's not your place to steer his future if you envision it with anyone but you.

It's key for us but it doesn't define him. As time has gone on I've got to know him.

In part I comend your selfless motivation and it's plain that you genuinely care for him but I feel that's clouding your perspective.
Look at it from the other woman's point of view: The prospect of dating someone fresh out of a casual relationship with my senior colleague would feel wholly inappropriate and give me the ick, let alone if said colleague had engineered the date.

I get that, but then she'd be missing out!

But you can't control who he picks. Your worry will do you not him one bit of good. He'll end up with who he ends up with. Not your circus, not your monkeys.

You don't know what your work colleagues would be like as romantic partners.

And passing him around the workplace like an object is ewwww and could cause real issues in the workplace for you and him.

He used to cut my grass, he's a very nice boy.

Leave it.

Claire the office pimp.

You could pimp him out to the higest bidder, raise some money for Children In Need.

You could make T shirts.
Claire the pimp rents out her simp.

Might be a great match! Well, if you want to risk pissing him off then go ahead

So, the issue is more about how you would feel with his choice than about him?

Not more about, no. I genuinely just want what is best for him.

Wouldn’t you be really jealous seeing their romance bloom right in front of you though? He may not be able to have children biologically so you’re setting him up with someone else when you could be happy together.

You are trying to set up the guy you are shagging with someone else and you are giving him a good recommendation... christ.

Just end things with him and let him find his own rebound. How weird and twisted.

You are tempted to meddle in someone's life to serve your own emotions - really, really inappropriate and unhealthy.

I have been in a similar situation to you. You can do this as long as you stop seing him for a while- say 6 months. Then suggest him to your colleague and see! Also, dont tell her that you guys had anything, just say he's a really good friend of yours! Good luck