We live in the EU. Dual citizenship and been here six years now.
Current school is fine imo. And my other dcs were/are fine with it.
They all used to go to private school but since divorce, they go to state. It’s an international school. All in English. iGCSEs and A levels.
My youngest says he hates it. Says it’s “shit”.
They have actually been very supportive to him. He’s been deliberately misbehaving because he doesn’t like it there and they have offered him psychological support and have been generally kind and understanding.
He wants to go to school in the U.K. where his father lives. Doesn’t know which one. It’s all a bit vague. His father is delighted at this prospect. I am not.
His father attacked me in front of the DCs nearly three years ago. Verbally abused them all. He hasn’t done it since. He generally pleasant to the DCs as they blanked him for nearly a year after all the violence. It was vile marriage with his rages and mostly verbal abuse more often directed at me but not always. Plus financial abuse but that’s another thread.
I feel like this move would be a huge mistake on ds13’s part. He seems to think schools in U.K. are amazing. I have a feeling maybe stbxh is going to get his dad to pay private fees even though stbxh owes thousands still to a private school here. That would piss me off and also what about the other dcs? Why would ds13 get this special treatment? If he doesn’t go private, then it would be a bog standard comprehensive as I doubt think he could get into grammar at this stage. Plus are they oversubscribed?
My other dcs and relatives think ds13 is mad to even consider living with his dad.
I feel it’s a real kick in the teeth to me too after I have held everything together when stbxh kicked off and created huge dramas and trauma for us all three years ago. I can’t help but take it personally. I am angry.
Stbxh wants a psychological evaluation of ds. A psychologist of his choice. I have refused this as I think if we did that we should both choose. Psychological support has often been offered to ds here but he rejects it. After the assaults, all the DCs had to see a psychologist. One of them had PTSD and another was in a psych unit for ten days.
I don’t know what to do. A court here would not really see the rationale for moving to the U.K. on this vague idea that schools in Yorkshire are amazing in comparison to the school here. Clearly someone has been talking to him about them. But he’s 13, old enough to express an opinion, old enough to deliberately misbehave at school because he hates it.
If I made him stay, he would resent me forever more. He can’t come back either. If he voluntarily leaves the school, he cannot get his place back as it’s so competitive to get a place. I was amazed I got all my DCs in after the debacle caused by my ex.
I feel like a total failure as a parent.
Here he has me, his siblings, a good network of friends, a sports club he likes and plays three times a week. He has freedoms here he would not have in the U.K.
I just don’t know what to do. It doesn’t help that I despise his father. But I try to keep that out.
Ds is cold and unfriendly to me. Maybe that’s teenager but he hangs on every word of his dad. That is painful too. Perhaps I should let him go. Face any consequences. And keep my distance. He clearly is not interested in any real sort of mother son relationship. Actively rejects me when I suggest doing things together.