Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

After a TIA

55 replies

finallyhappyinlife · 10/11/2025 19:13

Hi is it normal for someone to change mentally after a TIA . Hubby had one about 3 years ago and lately he’s getting so moody and blows up like a bottle of pop at the slightest thing . It’s like he’s completely paranoid and thinks everyone is having a go at him . Is this synonymous with a TIA ?
im struggling to understand what’s going on . He says it’s me of course and not him . It’s the element of surprise that shocks me one minute he’s fine the next BANG he’s moody . I can’t cope with it much longer

OP posts:
UpDownAllAround1 · 10/11/2025 19:17

https://www.stroke.org.uk/stroke/type/tia/effects

Theunamedcat · 10/11/2025 19:17

My dad changed after his

CanSeeClearlyNowTheRainHasGone · 10/11/2025 19:22

Yes - there are all sorts of thoughts continually in your head causing you stress.

Firstly, that it may happen again.
Also, that you are less of a man because you can't do the things you used to.

TIA can rip at your identity.

That said, 3 years is quite a long time to come to terms with it and you say that his outbursts are recent. Are you sure he's not continuing to have them? The transient part can be very short.

finallyhappyinlife · 10/11/2025 19:23

Theunamedcat · 10/11/2025 19:17

My dad changed after his

In what way please

OP posts:
finallyhappyinlife · 10/11/2025 19:29

CanSeeClearlyNowTheRainHasGone · 10/11/2025 19:22

Yes - there are all sorts of thoughts continually in your head causing you stress.

Firstly, that it may happen again.
Also, that you are less of a man because you can't do the things you used to.

TIA can rip at your identity.

That said, 3 years is quite a long time to come to terms with it and you say that his outbursts are recent. Are you sure he's not continuing to have them? The transient part can be very short.

It’s almost like he hates me . He was just looking at photos on Saturday and he asked me how he went back on his phone . I just said quite nicely you know how to go back on pictures . Then boom he started . Angry and saying I’m miss perfect I never do anything wrong I do everything right !!! WTAF .
I’ve tried to discuss tonight he says I will help everyone else but not him . Why does he say these vile things I can’t do anymore than I do for him . I just can’t cope much longer

OP posts:
Chazbots · 10/11/2025 19:31

I'd be thinking the start of vascular dementia...

Definitely get some advice.

finallyhappyinlife · 10/11/2025 19:37

Chazbots · 10/11/2025 19:31

I'd be thinking the start of vascular dementia...

Definitely get some advice.

Really ?

OP posts:
Pebbles16 · 10/11/2025 19:38

Personality changes are definitely a feature of TIA and stroke. As PP mentioned, worth bearing vascular dementia in mind, not necessarily for now but a "watch out".
Sorry you are going through this. My Dad changed a lot after his and now really can't be left to his own devices for very long. The paranoia and anger are particularly stressful.

finallyhappyinlife · 10/11/2025 19:44

Pebbles16 · 10/11/2025 19:38

Personality changes are definitely a feature of TIA and stroke. As PP mentioned, worth bearing vascular dementia in mind, not necessarily for now but a "watch out".
Sorry you are going through this. My Dad changed a lot after his and now really can't be left to his own devices for very long. The paranoia and anger are particularly stressful.

Gosh I do feel for you . The paranoia is so bad he really thinks everyone is getting on at him . It comes in waves he’s been ok for the last month or so then bang its back . I suffer with my mental health and it’s torturing me as he totally blames me for everything

OP posts:
Chazbots · 10/11/2025 19:45

Well, yes, as a TIA is a bleed on the brain or a clot causing damage. It can lead to cognitive changes.

Basically a brain injury.

CanSeeClearlyNowTheRainHasGone · 10/11/2025 19:45

I can see you're having a very hard time. It's problematic when you see the person you knew and react how you always have done and get a different reaction than expected. It's because he's now a different person to some extent.

Meanwhile, he's desperate to be the person he was, and he isn't.

So when you tell him that he knows how to go back, it triggers all sorts of things.

  1. Anxiety that he used to know how to do this and doesn't now.
  2. Annoyance that you're telling him he can, when he can't.
  3. Fury that you've told him how to before, but he has forgotten again,
  4. Anger that you're patronising him, rather than answering the specific question that he asked.

None of this is your fault. You shouldn't have to be moderating your response because he blows up. But something has obviously changed recently (since you don't say this is a chronic issue) and that's concerning.

If, post TIA, he couldn't do something like this - then it's obviously not someting that fixes easily.

But if this is recent, (and possibly anyway) then you need to get him back in front of a health professional to find out why his behaviour has changed. It could be sporadic minor TIA's or Vascular Dementia, or a fair few other things. At least any medication needs reviewing.

At the very least, like anyone that has anger-management issues, he needs someone he can talk to about what's triggering this.

I daresay he'll fight you though, because its another admission of incompetence for him.

I feel for you - it is so hard.

Betsy95 · 10/11/2025 19:46

Are you sure he isn’t having more TIAs , they do tend to be recurrent

finallyhappyinlife · 10/11/2025 19:47

Chazbots · 10/11/2025 19:45

Well, yes, as a TIA is a bleed on the brain or a clot causing damage. It can lead to cognitive changes.

Basically a brain injury.

Edited

I have a friend who says people she knows after a TIA are never the same.
Has anyone any advice on how I can deal with it ? Do I just ignore him or challenge him ? I just don’t know what is best

OP posts:
WearyAuldWumman · 10/11/2025 19:48

My late husband got a bit like that after a TIA, and later after a major stroke. His previous personality eventually reasserted itself, however.

finallyhappyinlife · 10/11/2025 19:51

Betsy95 · 10/11/2025 19:46

Are you sure he isn’t having more TIAs , they do tend to be recurrent

I never considered that tbh . How would I know apart from him having frequent brain scans which they wouldn’t do .
there is no way he would admit to needing and getting help because in his eyes it’s me who has the issue and not him .

OP posts:
finallyhappyinlife · 10/11/2025 19:52

WearyAuldWumman · 10/11/2025 19:48

My late husband got a bit like that after a TIA, and later after a major stroke. His previous personality eventually reasserted itself, however.

I’m sorry to hear that . How long after did he return to his former self

OP posts:
finallyhappyinlife · 10/11/2025 19:53

CanSeeClearlyNowTheRainHasGone · 10/11/2025 19:45

I can see you're having a very hard time. It's problematic when you see the person you knew and react how you always have done and get a different reaction than expected. It's because he's now a different person to some extent.

Meanwhile, he's desperate to be the person he was, and he isn't.

So when you tell him that he knows how to go back, it triggers all sorts of things.

  1. Anxiety that he used to know how to do this and doesn't now.
  2. Annoyance that you're telling him he can, when he can't.
  3. Fury that you've told him how to before, but he has forgotten again,
  4. Anger that you're patronising him, rather than answering the specific question that he asked.

None of this is your fault. You shouldn't have to be moderating your response because he blows up. But something has obviously changed recently (since you don't say this is a chronic issue) and that's concerning.

If, post TIA, he couldn't do something like this - then it's obviously not someting that fixes easily.

But if this is recent, (and possibly anyway) then you need to get him back in front of a health professional to find out why his behaviour has changed. It could be sporadic minor TIA's or Vascular Dementia, or a fair few other things. At least any medication needs reviewing.

At the very least, like anyone that has anger-management issues, he needs someone he can talk to about what's triggering this.

I daresay he'll fight you though, because its another admission of incompetence for him.

I feel for you - it is so hard.

That makes perfect sense what you have written .. thank you

OP posts:
WearyAuldWumman · 10/11/2025 19:56

finallyhappyinlife · 10/11/2025 19:52

I’m sorry to hear that . How long after did he return to his former self

I can't remember precisely - it certainly took a good while. He'd blow up at me over the slightest thing. I recall getting upset because he was swearing at me.

When he was in stroke rehab, I remember telling the nurses and their helpful response was to laugh and to say "So long as he's not swearing at us."

When he eventually realised how he'd been, he apologised profusely. Honestly, he went back to normal and he was so sweet to me.

finallyhappyinlife · 10/11/2025 20:47

WearyAuldWumman · 10/11/2025 19:56

I can't remember precisely - it certainly took a good while. He'd blow up at me over the slightest thing. I recall getting upset because he was swearing at me.

When he was in stroke rehab, I remember telling the nurses and their helpful response was to laugh and to say "So long as he's not swearing at us."

When he eventually realised how he'd been, he apologised profusely. Honestly, he went back to normal and he was so sweet to me.

How lovely he eventually went back to his old self . I’m so sorry you went on to lose him 😢. Wishing you all the best x

OP posts:
WearyAuldWumman · 10/11/2025 20:50

finallyhappyinlife · 10/11/2025 20:47

How lovely he eventually went back to his old self . I’m so sorry you went on to lose him 😢. Wishing you all the best x

Thank you. He reached a decent age - he was in his early 80s when I lost him. I still miss him every day.

Thank you - that's very kind of you.

TheNameWasOnceChosen · 10/11/2025 21:13

I dont think ive changed that much. My words are a pain in the arse. I can't say of think any word I don't use regularly. My my arm and leg still need ... what ever it's called. I can't walk far. It was 2 years ago.

Everyone is different

SquareHead37 · 10/11/2025 21:41

Is he like this with others op? Whatever the cause is, you don’t have to put up with it.

finallyhappyinlife · 10/11/2025 23:22

SquareHead37 · 10/11/2025 21:41

Is he like this with others op? Whatever the cause is, you don’t have to put up with it.

Not as far as I know no … just me

OP posts:
SquareHead37 · 11/11/2025 00:47

finallyhappyinlife · 10/11/2025 23:22

Not as far as I know no … just me

Then you’re being abused, not some complications from a tia. It sounds like you’ve done a lot for him. You don’t have to stick around to be a punch bag.

CanSeeClearlyNowTheRainHasGone · 11/11/2025 09:32

SquareHead37 · 11/11/2025 00:47

Then you’re being abused, not some complications from a tia. It sounds like you’ve done a lot for him. You don’t have to stick around to be a punch bag.

I find your response pretty horrid to be fair.

We partner up in life because we don't know what will come our way and we kinda make a promise to each other (for better or worse) because of that.

Would you be a model patient and full of light and kindness after your brain had been addled and your view of who you are turned upside down?

Would you really appreciate, in those circumstances, someone egging your partner on to leave at a time when you need the greatest help?