Husband's ever changing mood's and outburst's.

[Sunnygirl44]

Hi,

I have been married for over 6 year's.

Before we had any children, my husband was like the perfect guy. Alway's making me feel special and treating me really well. Taking me restaurant's and buying me gift's.

After our son was born, he completely changed. It was subtle at first but once my son turned 1, thing's started to get worse. He would be picky about the food I made and got really angry and would start criticising, being sarcastic and insulting me for more then half an hour because the food was not to his liking. He would compare me to his mum's cooking and complain to his parent's who would take his side and put me down for my cooking.

Certain time's, we would get on so well and out of no where, he would get angry with me and do an emotional outburst. He would then continue to apologise and promise to change but it would never happen.

He stopped taking me to restaurant's as soon as our son was born, only take away place's to eat because he say's he doesn't have much time in the evening and it's expensive. He only bought me 1 gift after our son was born and just a few gift's for our son, so far.

He has walked out on me on numerous ocassion's, when I need him the most to support me because we have an argument that usually start's from him. He come's back after a few hour's and alway's say's he was with his parent's. He would then apologise continuously, to make up for his bad behaviour and promise to change but it never really happen's. It's become a pattern now.

By the way, he was divorced before and has 1 son from his previous marriage and 1 son with me.

I can't tell whether his using me or is actually abusing really badly?

When he does make up to me, for what he has done wrong, he usually admit's his fault's and say's it's hard for him to change as he is a assertive person and I'm a soft person but he will keep trying his best to change, just for me. He also keep's telling me I'm a very sensitive person.

I am really looking forward, for advice in whether to continue with this marriage or not for the sake of our son. I'm just worried about being a single mum, after year's of struggling to find someone, till I found him.

Leave. He treats you like shit. Its obvious.

He also goes on his WhatsApp a lot till past midnight but does offer me his phone from time to time, if I need it and has given me his password.

He has mentioned recently that women love the way he look's and want him to themselves because he feel's he is very good looking. I find him attractive but I don't feel his the type to attract too much attention from women. He recently bought clothes after 10 year's as his alway's struggled with money until now. He keep's gloating about his clothes and saying he look's very attractive in it.

I can't tell whether his hiding someone from me or trying to make me jealous.

He has made excuses in the past, that he want's me to sleep at my parent's because our son keep's him awake at night and it affect's him getting up for work. This was at a time, my son woke up a lot.

I just can't tell whether his hiding an affair.

He used to tell me, his ex used to go through his phone and she was a controlling and a nasty person. He was the sweetest guy to her and bought her gift's through out their whole marriage and took her and his son to restaurant's but she alway's had violent argument's with him, just after they were married and after their son was born aswell. She said, his son heard all those argument's and was in a very bad environment.

As his behaviour is not changing, I just can't tell what I can trust him with and can't trust him with.

Please also give me some advice for this.

Many thank's.

Thank you for your advice. I feel your right. I'm just worried about the future my son will have, of not seeing his dad much, just like his other son.

He is being abusive, and I bet he was with his ex wife too. If you google examples of abusive behaviour, it will be clear to you.

This often becomes visible after a child is born, and it will become worse, I am afraid.

www.grammarly.com/blog/punctuation-capitalization/apostrophe/

He sounds like a man child who loves the start of relationships . But definitely doesnt like the part that he has to commit too.
The hints about other people finding him attractive giving you clues. Because he is a coward .
His parents probably enable his useless behaviour.
The fact he hardly sees his first child should tell you everything you need to know about him.

Yes. Your both absolutely right. My family tell's me the same sort of thing.

It sounds like he is incredibly jealous of his children and he is very needy wanting all the attention. I can't see how this can be worked out tbh. He is the kind of man who doesn't want children. Im surprised he agreed to it.
I think you need to put your big girl pants on and tell him his behaviour changes now or divorce is your only option.
What a pathetic man he is.

Your absolutely right!

He isn't treating you well at all. You don't have to divorce if you don't want to, but don't let him put you down all the time, he's lucky you've stuck by him and given him the chance to be a proper dad. And don't let his parents pick on you either, it's probably their fault he is so hard to live with.
Have you got your own money and so on? If not, work on that. As you may not be able to rely on him.

No apostrophes in plurals.

Your husband is a cunt.

Please stop using apostrophes for plurals. It's hard to take your post seriously.

When ever he hurts me, he says he loves me a lot and can't live without me and feel's rotten about hurting me. So far I've trusted him but now I'm not so sure.

The writing was well and truly on the wall re this man.

You have a choice re this man and your son does not. Your son could well grow up to be just like his dad if you were frankly fool enough to stay with him. Your marriage to him is over due to his abuses of you and I would start divorce proceedings asap.

If he was any sort of a decent man he would not be treating you and in turn his kid like this in the first place. Your son needs decent emotionally healthy male and female role models in his life and your current man here does not fit the bill at all.

Sorry about the apostrophes. I didnt know.

Not sure this needed two posts?

www.mumsnet.com/talk/bullying/5441668-husbands-changing-mood?reply=148436185

And such abusive men all have supposedly controlling ex's as well. You'll be added to his list of controlling ex's when you divorce him as you should here. He targeted you to abuse.

Pregnancy and or birth are often flashpoints for abusers like he to show their true colours. If you are in the UK I would also advise you to enrol yourself onto the Freedom Programme going forward. Men like this can and do harm perhaps already weakened boundaries and yours are anyway pretty much shot under this guy's regimen.

And you are the definition of a twat. HTH.

Why?

Indeed. Not a time or way to be a grammar Nazi even tho the apostrophes are eye popping.

OP he sounds awful. If he cheats or not doesn’t matter.

The part that popped out to me was him asking you to sleep at his parents because his son is crying at night. The gall! He wants you to go and leave with his baby, what more sign do you need that he’s not in your child’s life in any meaningful way?

Just to give another perspective. What jumped out In my mind was depression. Men can get a certain kind of post natal depression. I am not in any way saying what he is doing is ok. His behaviour has changed after having a child (may have been the.1st time he had a child also). I had pnd and I was awful to be around. Now I am on meds I feel mostly back to myself but i was angry all the time for a long time . Him storming off to his parents might be for space and buying clothes might be a attempt to make himself feel better. Sorry, your going through this and Obviously I have no idea if this is true it's just a perspective I thought of x

Thank you all for your comments.

You all are right!

I feel he doesn't want me in his life either. He want's me to divorce him.

He mentioned before we were married that his last marriage just lasted over 7 years.

I live in the UK and I will definately try and go on the freedom programme.

He has also threatened me to call my parent's and his parents on numerous ocassions and has done that too, on argument's that are usually started by him.

He keeps saying he will change but never does.

My son is 5 now and I feel I'm walking on eggshells and Im insecure around him.