Husband's ever changing mood's and outburst's.

[Sunnygirl44]

Hi,

I have been married for over 6 year's.

Before we had any children, my husband was like the perfect guy. Alway's making me feel special and treating me really well. Taking me restaurant's and buying me gift's.

After our son was born, he completely changed. It was subtle at first but once my son turned 1, thing's started to get worse. He would be picky about the food I made and got really angry and would start criticising, being sarcastic and insulting me for more then half an hour because the food was not to his liking. He would compare me to his mum's cooking and complain to his parent's who would take his side and put me down for my cooking.

Certain time's, we would get on so well and out of no where, he would get angry with me and do an emotional outburst. He would then continue to apologise and promise to change but it would never happen.

He stopped taking me to restaurant's as soon as our son was born, only take away place's to eat because he say's he doesn't have much time in the evening and it's expensive. He only bought me 1 gift after our son was born and just a few gift's for our son, so far.

He has walked out on me on numerous ocassion's, when I need him the most to support me because we have an argument that usually start's from him. He come's back after a few hour's and alway's say's he was with his parent's. He would then apologise continuously, to make up for his bad behaviour and promise to change but it never really happen's. It's become a pattern now.

By the way, he was divorced before and has 1 son from his previous marriage and 1 son with me.

I can't tell whether his using me or is actually abusing really badly?

When he does make up to me, for what he has done wrong, he usually admit's his fault's and say's it's hard for him to change as he is a assertive person and I'm a soft person but he will keep trying his best to change, just for me. He also keep's telling me I'm a very sensitive person.

I am really looking forward, for advice in whether to continue with this marriage or not for the sake of our son. I'm just worried about being a single mum, after year's of struggling to find someone, till I found him.

He also has an issue about how I clean our home, even though me and my family know Im good at it and wants me to clean mostly his way or picks up an argument.

He doesnt like to run the water much as he says it makes the bills higher and tells me constantly to not run the water too fast or for too long.

God did he really say that about woman finding him irresistible and wanting him to themselves 😳🤣🤣, what a prick. I’d struggle to keep a straight face. Let them have him!

Lol! So true!

I truly feel Im wasting my time with him but at the same time, I feel two minded of leaving him because of our son.

Who could deal with all that?

I’d say I feel very unfair keeping you away from all these adoring other women. Off you trot to go and find them whilst I have a peaceful life.

Leave, life is too short.

So true!

My son has Speech delay as well and in the last 5 years, he hasn't been much supportive at all. The most support has been from my parents and siblings.

He sounds awful and I feel that it's very likely he is not telling the truth about his first marriage. I expect he treated his first wife the same and she got sick of it.

His other son had speech delay as well but started talking at the age of 3. He said his son suffered trauma because of his ex.

He keeps telling me how much better she was as a mother and always did things right. He said she only had the worst nature and was greedy for money which I am not, to make me feel better.

I recommend reading 'why does he do that' its a real eye opener into the different types of abusive men. Your questioning things now because inside you know this isn't right. Im now the shell of myself for putting up with a similar arsehole. Trust me he probably does have another woman hidden somewhere to stroke his ego. Mine had conversations hidden in a folder and even a fake calculator app to hide stuff. Please think about leaving this man not just for yourself but your son.

What would you need to do in order to be able to walk away - instead of "walking on eggshells" for years to come. The latter would be not only to your detriment but also your child's.

I think your all right about him!

It does seem like his cheating to me. He told me recently, women look at him because they want to sleep with him. I was shocked when I heard this. I always thought he was decent and trustworthy and wouldnt look at another woman because he loved me.

His always hot and cold with me since our son has been born. I used to think up to now that he may be missing his ex and he loves her and not me but it does feel likely that he could be cheating with another woman.

Nah he treated his ex and previous son in exactly the same way and is doing the same with you and your son.he is damaging his children and no child especially a boy should see his mother treated like this. It will teach him to be vile to women.

Your right!

You need to reeducate yourself because nothing about this man indicates he is—or ever was—honest and trustworthy. He is an obvious bullshitter and every single thing he says ir does is manipulative. Including “hello” and “goodbye.”

I've started thinking he might be a narcissist and this could be verbal abuse.

Uh..yeah? Do you not have the strength to leave him if you can’t label it? No one should speak to you that way or treat you that way even if he’s not a narcissist.

Your both right!

The grammar police are out in full force tonight with their apostrophes!
You deserve better and so does your son. The way he is treating you is not acceptable and it sounds like you know it deep down. I'm sorry that you are going through this.

Thank you so much! @Treacletreacle for recommending that book! I will definately read it!

https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf

short summary:

Thank you for the link! @FlossOnTheMill

Thank you for understanding! @Brentinger

You can take yourself and your kid's to any restaurant's you want.

um.. dump. sounds not a keeper and to be honest if he is that much into himself he can be by himself. He is obviously not thinking of you and your lovely wee boy.