Exhausted and don't know where to go

[Zeemie22]

I hate living in a constant fight or flight mode, not knowing what tomorrow is going to look like. Had another argument with my partner today about sharing of the workload. He hates loading the dishwasher with his own dirty dishes or making his own breakfast and expects me to do these things for him when I already have a full time job. It took me three hours to pack his lunch and breakfast, cut his fruits and pack a slice of cake I baked for his day shift yesterday and even though I had the day off myself, I was out looking at house viewings on my own because he was on shift. I’m the one looking at places, shortlisting them, booking viewings, liaising with agents etc and I came home just as tired as he was. I am not someone’s service dog and I never will be and the least he could do is load his dirty lunch boxes in the dishwasher. and not throw a tantrum about it. This was after I invited him to a restaurant close to his place of work at the end of the day, bought him some fresh juice, paid for both of our dinners, paid for both of our dessert also and when I came home, I knew he was tired so I ran him a hot bath in the tub with bath salts and a soak, lit up candles for him in the washroom, gave him my ipad so he keeps himself entertained through his bath. I won’t be putting his dirty dishes away on top of everything else that I do. I feel like I'm drowing here and he bloody well knows how much this affects me but keeps pushing for me to do more. I hate it and I resent all of this now.

Also he has been using the house move as a bargaining chip and I hate that. He has been bargaining how much I coul dcontribute to the bills (he pays rent and basic groceries) and I agreed to pay council tax, water and electricity. We don't need Wifi. He has threatened that he will move out at least 10 times these past few days and asked me to look for a studio myself and keep switching morning and evening between what he wants and all because I refuse to have a baby with him, I have my reasons (weaponised incompetence for one). My head hurts and my shoulders are killing me from all the stress.

Bloody hell you’re a martyr

It took me three hours to pack his lunch and breakfast, cut his fruits and pack a slice of cake I baked for his day shift yesterday

are you a snail?

Three hours to pack a lunch box?

😲 WTF?!

I’d have gone years ago.

At the age of 62 I’ve never made a man his breakfast or packed him a lunch up.

Time to go.

You could find dozens of men better than this. Don’t put up with him, he’s not a catch

Count yourself lucky you haven't committed to a house or baby with him.

Please end this relationship asap and do not buy a property with him going forward.

Why on earth were you preparing his lunch, cutting up his fruit and giving him a cake slice you have made?. I’m not going to mention what else you have done for this person apart from ask why but he really has been taking you for a right idiot. You may as well have MUG written on your forehead.

Give your head a wobble here. You sound like his support human / mum figure/ bang maid for a totally ungrateful man who uses weaponised incompetence to boot.

You ran him a bath with salts, lit candles?
He's taking you for a fool and you're letting him.

Cut your losses, I can't see how he improves your life.

What the fuck is wrong with you? Utterly insane to put up with this shit. No one respects a martyr.

You dont have to do any of this. Just stop doing it. Preferably plan to leave.

I suggest agreeing to his suggestion of getting a studio on your own.

He's a knob and as a pp said you're being a martyr. Get your big girl pants on and stop being a wet wipe.

Only going to get worse.

Is this a real post?

You’re an absolute doormat. Why on earth would you stay with him? Raise your standards.

I think if I remember correctly it was rice, lentil curry, an egg sandwich, fruits, packed lots of cake for him and his colleagues, clean up of the kitchen before and after. That took me 3 hours, I don't like cooking and don't do much of it for myself but he insists on home cooked meals for himself so I usually just cook for him when I can.

Since he pays for rent and groceries, I thought this was fair. But he takes it to another level where I am expected to pour his tea (I told him I am not doing that), load his dirty dishes because he came home after a long day of work (so did I).

I've told him I'd be happy to move out in a studio on my own and I don't want any babies with him. We haven't been intimate in over 6 months though we sleep in the same bed, I just don't like him anymore and I think he takes out his frustration by being petty and bargaining to see what else he could get out of me. I'm dependent on his VISA by the way here in the UK which is the only reason I've stayed so far. 3.5 more years.

😂😂😂

With a sad look on your face throughout no doubt

I'm dependent on his VISA by the way here in the UK

so you’re bluffing when you say you’ll move out

Tell him you’re not his fucking mother and he can get to fuck. Then move back to your own country: never look back.

This sounds really controlling. I'd consider talking with a women's charity that specialises in supporting women who are dependent on a partner's visa - it's a particular kind of abuse.

FFS.

what this poster meant to say before they accidentally shorted their humanity chip was

‘why is this man treating you like an emotional and practical slave - and why can’t you see it hat this is what he’s doing?’

Please tell me you haven't committed to buy a property with this man???! Is your current home rented/mortgage? Is it in joint names or just yours? Why on earth are you making his breakfast/lunch/running him baths/paying for meals out/loading his dirty crockery into the dishwasher???? There's lots of chores I dislike, there's quite a few my husband dislikes too, but as grown adults you accept you have to do them! Occasionally, I might make my husband's packed lunch for work, but I've never made him breakfast or run him a bath. I wouldn't be buying a property with him at all. In fact, I'd be ending the relationship. He sounds dreadful. You can do much better.
Edit: Just saw your update. Is your husband working in the UK on a Visa, and you are living here as a dependent? If you leave, you'd have to go back to your home country? Could you do this? Or would this be very difficult for you? What's the plan in 3.5 years, when I assume his Visa expires? Reapply or go home? You are stuck in a vulnerable position and he knows it.

Im doubting its real.

I have been looking at places for a month - both a studio somewhere in another city and a 1/2 bed in London where he wants to stay, I want to be prepared either way.