Exhausted and don't know where to go

[Zeemie22]

I hate living in a constant fight or flight mode, not knowing what tomorrow is going to look like. Had another argument with my partner today about sharing of the workload. He hates loading the dishwasher with his own dirty dishes or making his own breakfast and expects me to do these things for him when I already have a full time job. It took me three hours to pack his lunch and breakfast, cut his fruits and pack a slice of cake I baked for his day shift yesterday and even though I had the day off myself, I was out looking at house viewings on my own because he was on shift. I’m the one looking at places, shortlisting them, booking viewings, liaising with agents etc and I came home just as tired as he was. I am not someone’s service dog and I never will be and the least he could do is load his dirty lunch boxes in the dishwasher. and not throw a tantrum about it. This was after I invited him to a restaurant close to his place of work at the end of the day, bought him some fresh juice, paid for both of our dinners, paid for both of our dessert also and when I came home, I knew he was tired so I ran him a hot bath in the tub with bath salts and a soak, lit up candles for him in the washroom, gave him my ipad so he keeps himself entertained through his bath. I won’t be putting his dirty dishes away on top of everything else that I do. I feel like I'm drowing here and he bloody well knows how much this affects me but keeps pushing for me to do more. I hate it and I resent all of this now.

Also he has been using the house move as a bargaining chip and I hate that. He has been bargaining how much I coul dcontribute to the bills (he pays rent and basic groceries) and I agreed to pay council tax, water and electricity. We don't need Wifi. He has threatened that he will move out at least 10 times these past few days and asked me to look for a studio myself and keep switching morning and evening between what he wants and all because I refuse to have a baby with him, I have my reasons (weaponised incompetence for one). My head hurts and my shoulders are killing me from all the stress.

We are renting and will be renting going forward also

This made me laugh SO much!😅🤣😂😅🤣😂😅🤣🤣😂😂😂😂🤣😂😅🤣😂😂One of the funniest comments I've ever seen on here!

I don't know, it all feels stressful both for him and I because he is not getting what he wants (a baby, someone who cleans up after him, cooks him meals x3 a day of HIS choice because I do what I can, keeps the house spotless because again, I do what I can, put up with his mean family members because I don't etc etc). I'm checked out by this point, I just do my job, try and get some healthy nutrition in me and cook him something also, go to the gym when I can and catch up on sleep on my days off. I'm fatigued most days and I think it's the emotional stress that's taken a toll. I could go back, but I have no one back home I could call family and rely on either. He's the closest to 'family' that I have and I think he takes advantage of that.

I've been given contacts before on here, thank you. He hasn't hit me in the last 6 months so I don't really know what to go to them for, that he won't load his own dirty dishes in the dishwasher?

He will bleed you dry emotionally and hang you out to dry re your visa. He knows you are reliant on him and knows that you are isolated emotionally and physically from family members.

You and he should not be together at all. He treats you like a servant and likely holds your visa application in his hands. Please contact the organisations you were told of previously. The first time he hit you was the time this relationship should have been at an end.

He has hit you in the past? Oh, love. Get away from the bastard ASAP!

Nope I meant to say precisely what I said

Please please leave this child. You have one precious life. Dont waste it on this bullshit

You are dependent on him for a visa
so why are you saying you’ll move out to a studio

move back to your country

Is there a cultural aspect here that you haven’t mentioned? This bath running, salts and lunch making isn’t normal even if your boyfriend is paying the rent. Is this how your mother behaved with your father? Would his family see this as completely normal? Find a way out.

Sorry?

I think the barb was aimed at me

Can I add something else? I hate being reminded every week if not every day how I don't do enough and I could be doing more, that I could be popping babies and holding a job and taking care of the house and contributing financially all at the same time. He gives me examples of so and so's wife doing more and how I am not doing enough.

I only recently started speaking to my own friends from college and university who are married now and it's a different story with them or at least with the ones who are making it work. The wives have been telling me they mostly look after the kids and the husbands have been telling me they chip in with the house chores and the babies as much as they can. When I told him my friends' circle has a comepletely different take on sharing of the workload, he doesn't have an answer.

You may as well lie down and let him walk all over you. go ahead and get yourself a studio flat, sounds better than what you have right now

Op you are completely ignoring the fact that you can’t move out to the studio. It’s a bluff and obviously he knows it, which is why it has zero impact. You are dependent on him for your visa.

so you either spending your life martyring yourself (although.. maybe speed up the 3 hour lunch box packing process 😆) or… move back to your home country.

Starting thread after thread about all that you do for him is just daft

She can’t
it’s a bluff

You’re an idiot for being with him and for what you do for him

This can’t be real, it’s how I look after my 5yr old, DH would never expect any of this shit. Also HE HIT YOU. He’s scum, get rid.

do you have a mug tattoo?

I am not someone’s service dog and I never will be

Erm, but that's exactly what you are. It almost sounds like he wants you to end it, and is cranking up the demands so that you'll eventually snap. He wants you gone.

@Zeemie22 - you don’t love him and you’re only with him for your visa. This sounds pretty unsatisfying and buying somewhere together sounds like it would be a huge mistake. What is your long-term plan for staying here? Can you get visa support from your workplace?

"It took me three hours to pack his lunch and breakfast, cut his fruits and pack a slice of cake I baked for his day shift yesterday...."

I don't believe that. Sorry.

It usually takes me a couple of hours to make dinner, minimum. It's a different cuisine than what you might have in mind.

This.

It’s unfathomable to me why women choose to live like this.